half way through our seperation, W started feeling uncomfortable with the whole I love you thing so it ended.
I still want to let her know how much she means to me but don't want her to feel like I am putting pressure on her.

Any sugestions?

Yeah......just tell her....."I Love You" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Via actions because actions speak louder then any words.

Phrases like "I love you" can tend to lose their meaning over time by repetition.

The other thing to make note of is even though you tell someone the phrase "I love you" we all take it to mean something differently then someone else. So if one spouse tells the other "I love you" but one spouse doesn't feel "in love" the words ring a hollow echo.

When I say "I love you" I mean I care about you, your health, your feelings, your happiness and I want you to continue to be a part of my life.

Other expressions of Love can be giving someone your time. There is no other gift that you can give someone that cannot be taken back. When you give someone your time, you're saying that you're more important then anything else I could be doing at this time and I wish to spend that time with you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eduard:
<strong> Via actions because actions speak louder then any words.

Phrases like "I love you" can tend to lose their meaning over time by repetition.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Try telling this to my wife......or alot of women in fact. When I forget to tell her during the day at least once......she will ask.....do you love me? I then tell her of course of love you. She gets this huge <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> on her face.....and life is swell again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I guess we are all different.

StartinOver and Eduard

I agree with both of you. My problem is that I don't get much of a chance for the actions and the words may make her feel like she is obligated to reply. This has made her uncomfortable while living in the fog.

You're right, women often do need reassurance of the Love their man has for them.

I just meant that in constantly repeating the term it can water it down some and that demonstrating one's love through actions can help to avert the water down effect repetitiveness can have.

In Wish I were Home's case, she doesn't want him to tell her those words in particular. She's probably associating the phrase "I love you" with some other meaning or is just not accepting it coming from him.

When someone tells ME they love me, I think of all the good and happy thoughts associated with that person. Maybe she's stuck on the bad/negative things that led up to where you are at and since she doesn't feel in Love it makes her uncomfortable when you say it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe she's stuck on the bad/negative things that led up to where you are at and since she doesn't feel in Love it makes her uncomfortable when you say it?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This sounds right, but it's been so long that I guess I want to remind her. Thought about sending her a card or letter.

That would be where Plan A comes in. Have you done any Plan A?

It's hard to say. She could take it as a futile attempt to show her your feelings now just because things aren't going so well.

Or she could be on the other side thinking that you don't care.

I did a few of those things. I'm sure WW appreciated it but I don't think it really did anything in my case.

Eduard

Thanks for your input
I've been doingthe best plan A I can. I have been out of the house for over 3 months so It's hard for me to show her that I care. When we do get together, it is always for the kids.

I'm looking for a way to show her that I realy care about her and want to be with her and not just with the kids.
Even if it is not what she wants, I want her to be clear on how I feel, I'm afraid that she is starting to think that I am OK with D

If you're doing Plan A and not LB'ing I think that should show you wouldn't be OK with a D.

I guess if and when the opportunity arises you might restate to her your stance on the situation.

Is that something better suited for a face to face conversation or better left to a card/letter? That's up to you.

I think if you tell her something like "I just want to reaffirm to you where I stand with things and what it is I truly want" it wouldn't be too threatening. Just try to cut out certain affectionate words that might make her feel uncomfortable. And try not to be too pushy or try to get an answer out of her.

Eduard

Thanks for the advice. I guess I will have to wait untill the time is right and say something along the lines of what you recomend. I would like to say sooooo much more, but as you said, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or feel that I am being pushy in any way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Posted by Eduard
Other expressions of Love can be giving someone your time </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Posted by StartinOver
Yeah......just tell her....."I Love You" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Turns out a combination of both ideas was pretty good. Spoke to W last night. Offered my time to her as needed and said the words.
Felt good to say it to her again.

Good to hear Iwish,

Hopefully those words will eventually pierce through the fog down to her heart.

Be as patient as you can.

WishIWereHome - I for one am really pulling for you. We sound like we are in similar situations. I will watch your posts and hope for the best for you and your wife. Then I will hope my situation goes as well.

Best of luck.

paul16801

Thanks for the support. I agree, our situations are a lot alike.

I just set up an appointment with new MC. W seems to agree that things may have been different if first MC was different and she agreed to go to another. She still says that she doesn't want to work on M, but will basically go to my IC with me.

I have hopes that when we get together to discuss our issues that she may see that they can be worked on together.

At this point, I'll take any type of contact with her that I can get <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WishIWereHome -

That sounds encouraging. Just that she agreed to be in the same room is an opportunity to let her see you in a different light.

Did you see my post today about the weekend retreat? I'd love your opinion of my 'proposal' for my wife.

ttyl