How do I deal with the anger?

She lied to and cheated on me and I still wanted to work it out; once we were separated, she took many things out of our house while I was out of town and I didn't make a deal of it; she gave up on mediation after one visit which went fine if you ask me; she hired a lawyer and served me papers to go to court so our marital status could be bifurcated pronto (I'm guessing she'd like to marry OM and can't since were still "married" 10 months after separation); and soon she'll be taking me back to court to get as much money out of our house as she can, even though she shouldn't get a penny. The down payment came 100% from separate property I had prior to marriage. I even made all the mortgage payments and paid most bills. And now to finally be divorced, I'm going to have to pay her tens of thousands of dollars ($50K+) in equity that I truly feel she does not deserve! I AM PISSED!

She is not human. She has no conscience.

Where's the justice? I have no idea how I'm going to get over this anger. Anti-D's aren't doing the trick.

that is a sad story. i am not at that point yet, but i may end up there.

when i found out about my wife's internet affair, i was furious. i angrily confronted her, opened the yahoo messenger (that's what she used for communication with him), made sure she was watching and wrote a nasty message to the guy, telling him that i was going to come over to london and break his neck and all that if he ever talked to her again.

a couple of days later i realized that it was not going to accomplish anything. you should make yourself a priority, think about your health and want anger will do. i don't think she deserves you burning up your nerve cells.

as for the money, you did it once you'll do it again. money can be earned, nerve cells do not come back.

good luck. i know how tough it is, but i think you deserve to take care of yourself and be above her. i do not know enough about the legality of divorces, but can you just sell the house for the loan amount to a friend or something like that?

Sergey

Have you seen a lawyer? Mine explained to me that non-marital property is not considered in divorce. If you earned it before the marriage, it is yours. If you have proof that the money came from before the marriage that financed the downpayment, then she should not have a part of that. She would benefit from house appreciation since that occurred during the M.

I was just listening to a tape on anger and it said anger is always about perceived injustice. Well, an affair is a perceived injustice. Being fleeced is a perceived injustice. Christ got angry. If there is true injustice, then anger is an appropriate response. My A-D of choice is food. I need to face reality, not medicate it. I don't see anything wrong with your being angry. I do see the potential for your getting into legal trouble if you threaten bodily harm. How you act on anger is what you should concentrate on.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mine explained to me that non-marital property is not considered in divorce. If you earned it before the marriage, it is yours. If you have proof that the money came from before the marriage that financed the downpayment, then she should not have a part of that. She would benefit from house appreciation since that occurred during the M. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not necessarily so.... Money prior to a marriage that is used to start the marriage or to purchase marrital property can be interpreted as money willingly given to the marriage and becomes marrital property..... There is an argument that the money was given in good faith that the marriage would last and since the spouse did not honor the agreement for the lasting of the marriage there is a possibility of recovering some of the funds... but very doubtfully all of them.... Been there done that.....

IYWY.... dont feel like the lone ranger.... my Ex was adultress, wanted to end the marriage, took my kids to which I get 20% visitation, absconded with 10K of marrital funds to buy her MLC car prior to leaving, when she left took all the furniture she wanted, again took the girls, took all 6 TVs in the house along with Stereo systems, PC. And then on top of it filed for full SS and CS along with equity... In equity she got 90K and I pay 3,500 in CS and SS a month.....

Fair? dont think so?

GSN,
holy bageezus! How did/do you swallow that? I am a very fair person and I can't handle being wronged...especially by the person who used to be the most important person in my life. Are you still PO'd or have you gotten over it somehow? If so, how?

FYI, she can't touch the downpayment on my house, but she's legally (not ethically) entitled to roughly $50K from the appreciation. I just don't get how someone who used to be so kind and loving can put you through hell and then ask for $50K upon departing. It's nuts. Salt on the brutal wounds.