Last night I was having problems with my 4 yo son. He was just not behaving. I called my ex BIL to ask him to call my ex so that he could talk to our S. Well the ex called and I asked him if he could talk to our son b/c he was not behaving and being very mean.

I've been having problems with our S, having temper tantrums, hitting me, throwing things, threatening me by saying things like, "I'm gonna tell my daddy to shoot you in the face." (Ex is a cop.), and just saying hurtful things like, I don't like you anymore or I don't want to stay here with you anymore. And I've recieved a call from his teacher about his behavior. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Ex did talk to him when I let him know about his teacher calling me.

And I know this all has to do with our whole situation. He's fustrated and angry, I can tell.

Anyways, his father talked to him and my S gave me the phone after he talked to him. I told my ex, that our S was just being very mean and ugly. He's like, that's it I'm putting and end to all this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> (I was like....ok) My ex then said, that he wanted to talk to me. And I asked him, what do you want to talk about. And he said, I just need to talk to you about some stuff. He's like, I'll call you later. And we hung up. He never called back which I'm pretty glad about. I just have this gut feeling he's gonna start up with the WANTING TO WORK THINGS OUT speech again. And you know what, I just don't want to hear it anymore. I'm tired of hearing him say that he wants to work it out and doesn't follow through with it.

How do I handle this if he calls again saying he wants to talk? What do I do, what do I say? I'm no longer in any plan, just plain DIVORCED! He knows how I feel, he knows that I love him but he also knows that I want him to do something about it if he says he wants to work things out.

Do I just listen to what he has to say, and not say anything about it?

Do I just tell him that I don't want to talk about it?

Please help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ December 19, 2003, 10:04 AM: Message edited by: STBXWife ]</small>

Welcome to the rollercoaster......anyhow, you can do as you wish, but I told my EX we can do whatever you like to work out our marriage, but IF you divorce me......its too late. That is when I really feel you someone has given up on you.

Tired of the rollercoaster! I'm tired of hearing, I WANT TO WORK IT OUT, and him not doing a dang thing about it. I'm tired, tired, tired.

STBXW,
To deal with a passive aggressive on their come-closer-get away behavior, you will get very good at not taking him personally.

When you hear him talk to you, think of Charlie Brown listening to some adult going "blah-blah-blah" and saying - oh. uh-uh. ok. Then get back to what you were doing with the status quo. No expectations. No let down.

Perhaps he's trying to play "Snoopy"?

Or maybe he's just "PigPen".

My guess is he's used to being "Lucy".

I just got that speech last weekend from my ex H. funny, it didn't affect me emotionally like I thought it would. not sad, not angry. not anything. I just told him FLAT out, theres NO WAY we will be together.

he called again a few days later at midnight. Drunk? not sure.

Be prepared for him to say YOU are now the reason the family doesn't have a chance. My ex H said that if I could forgive him, everything would be fine.

Can you find a MC who will work with you to lay out a plan that is agreed on? If you won't accept words, maybe you can offer to him what behavior he needs to change.

I cringe to think what my kids (9, 7, 4, and 2) have witnessed -- swearing, hitting, spanking (that is, Tom spanking me), throwing me on the floor, throwing me against the wall, choking me, putting a hole in the wall, kicking in the couch...and on and on. No child witnessed the broken arm, but they witnessed plenty of anger.

They are sad kids and they fight an awful lot, but there has been nothing even close to "I want you dead." Have you considered seeking out help for your child? I read what your child said and shuddered.

You may do well in not letting yourself get worked up by anything he tells you about wanting to work things out. You may want to respond to him that the most pressing issue right now is how to help your son resolve his anger issues which if left untreated could end up destroying his life later on. Imply that his help in this matter would be a positive step in showing that his actions do indeed match his words.