My XW and I talked about the upcoming holiday, we both decided that it would be better if we all got together and spent christmas at one house rather than having the kids each day. She was thinking that she would spend christmas eve at my place. Would this be a good situation as far as the kids are concern? Would they be getting this false hope thinking that their parents are getting back together? Should I just have my XW come over x-mas day?

ST:

You do not say how old your children are or how your relationship phas been throughout your marriage, divorce and post-divorce.

My personal opinion and experience says that if you and the ex have a good relationship now and can avoid confrontation, by all means do it.

If you feel your children will be confused then, they have not had an adequate explanation about the divorce. But, that is not always necessary.

I learned something from my seven year old son regarding my divorcing his Mother. He was NOT concerned as much about the fact that the Family was not intact as much as he was concerned about whether we still cared about each other, post-divorce. His question "Do you still love Mom"?, was a very thoughtful and enlightned one.

My point is this. As long as you show ech other care in front of the children, it lessens the impact of the divorce. It is also very healthy for the children to "see" this care for each other. Only logistics, IMHO, dictate what days to spend with each other. High quality time is what counts.

And, this is the "real" gift you both want to give your children. The best part is, yoou can give it all year 'round!

Happy Holidays !

My kids are 8 and 5, my oldest constantly ask me if I still love his mom and he too ask his mother the same question. He asked me what I wanted for christmas and I told him and he told his mother that I wanted our family together for christmas.

After all she had put me through this past year, we do keep in touch with each other in a civil manner. In our divorce the guidelines that was set up in respect to her seeing the kids I have not enforced, she can see the kids as much as possible and sometimes everyweek if she wants to. I feel that it is important that the kids see their mother as much as possible.

Sometimes keeping a normal routine is good for the kids even though parents are not together anymore.

S Two :

You are right on target. I also have custody of our two sons. And, she knows she can see them anytime she wants. She chooses not to do that.

Regardless, I maintain the same attitude you do.