Imagine this is your life. You get married later in life, it's your second marriage. You have two kids from the first marriage. You spend many years with this woman, plan to have two children but somehow end up with five, including ADHD twin boys and rebellious girls and surprise! your youngest comes along after you and the mom have already separated.

You get divorced. You see these five kids every other weekend. You get more involved as the kids get into sports but with the different ages they have games in as many as three different cities at different times all weekend, and it takes 2-3 adults just to get them where they need to be and back. Your first two kids are grown, and having families themselves. You have met a woman with grown children and move in with her. You've lived together for years when ...

The mother of your five young children dies. You are suddenly a full time dad of very emotionally troubled kids, aged 8 to 14. Your girlfriend of eight years doesn't really want anything to do with raising kids; your every other weekend with them was enough for her. Your late ex wanted you to move into her house with the kids so they don't have to move. It is just weeks from Christmas. It isn't just about choosing your children and your ex's wishes over your girlfriend... you are changing your entire life overnight.

~~~

I just have to lift my late sister's ex up for all of you to keep in your thoughts. He is doing an amazing job for everything that has been thrown into his lap.

Whew! That would not be easy (to say the least). This is your late sister's ex husband? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yow. I'll keep him in my prayers.

It seems to me that this is a no-brainer. Of course you'd choose your children (and your ex's wishes, which are obviously best for the kids) over the girlfriend.

This is a terrible tragedy for the family, especially the children. I have to wonder why a father should get any more credit for raising 5 difficult children than the mother did, though.

LMX- yes

K- thanks

Nellie- I know, one would hope that ALL dads would 'step up to the plate' like he has, but it has been the experience of many on these boards that some dads/moms will leave their kids behind for a girlfriend/boyfriend. My sister had her hands full with these kids, and she was an at-home parent, with an education in child development, 1000% devoted to them. I can't even imagine how hard it is going to be for him, just to be a full-time dad, plus having to basically 'divorce' the longtime girlfriend he loves.

I can't imagine being forced to choose. God knows I'd give my life for my kids, and I'm so fortunate to have a man who loves them like his own.

I had a scary thought the other night. If I died, my family (sisters, mom, etc.) would never see my kids again... my ex would have nothing to do with my family. I wonder if there is something you can put in writing that would give visitation rights to grandparents, aunts, etc. in the case of death of a parent... that really shook me up.