Last year my W began writing a second cousin who was in prison for sexual abuse of a child.

The letter progressed from several times a month to several times a week. She was very indepth with him about her feelings (or lack ther of) for me. She could not wait each day until the mail arrived. She would spen time writing these letters while my son and I sat in the other room with her company.

Later on the year she begin to write her ex-boyfriend who also was in prison. She told me she was writing him once to settle and old debt. She continues to write him. She then lied to me and several of her friends that she was no longer writing him.

I finally got upset at her and told her that I thought these activites we inapropiate. She told me that they were in jail, and one was her cousin, and there was nothing wrong with her writing them. Her cousin got out of jail and I found out she went and visited him.

I told her I though this activity was adultry. She diagreed (of course) and said that since nothing happen that it wasn't.

what do you think?

fath:

You should got 2 the home page and look up the articles about infidelity. It IS possible that nothing is "going on" but it's not very likely.

If there hasn't been any physical contact, it still sounds like she's having/had 2 EAs (emotional affairs).

One of the first signs that it's an affair is that she's being secretive. She's talking 2 these men about personal things that she isn't telling you about? She's talking 2 them about YOUR marriage?

This si2ation IS recoverable, though. You'll find that out as you read more from people on the boards, and as you read the articles on the home page.

I would strongly suggest that you arrange 2 go 2 counseling, both 2gether (if she'll go with you) 2 an MC (marriage counselor) and by yourself 2 an IC (individual counselor).

Read about "Plan A" on here and the homepage as well. You should be in plan A right now. Also, the most important thing you need 2 be doing is NOT 2 "LB" (lovebust). Don't say hurtful things out of anger or frustration with your W. Don't try 2 figure her out, either. Just be loving and try 2 be empathetic with her feelings as much as you can. Don't hide YOUR feelings either. Telling her that her behavior hurts you is NOT lovebusting, it's being honest.

All my best,
-ol' 2long
P.S. My humble opinion? I think anybody that sexually abuses a child should be put in the ground.

<small>[ December 22, 2003, 07:50 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

It is not adultery, hence her angry reaction, you can't just accuse people of stuff cause you are upset with them...

However, her behaviour is inappropriate and may be crossing that somewhat fuzzy line into an emotional affair. The standard criteria for an affair is any activity you keep secret from your spouse. There is a lot of information on this site to help understand how to deal with this...read all of it and continue to answer questions.