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#762690 12/23/03 09:39 PM
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Mitzi Offline OP
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Hmmmm....4 years ago today, my ex left me. He was having an affair with an older woman and decided he wanted to be with her. I was devastated! I had 3 sons and had never had a job. I didn't know how I would manage. I found MB on 12/26/99. I didn't know how much of an impact it would have on me. I came here daily for as much time as I possibly could. I typed and typed and cried and cried! LOL I made many friends that will stay with me all of my life.

Eventually I felt comfortable enough to tell my friends here the entire story about my marriage. My ex was abusive in any way possible. I was blown away by the support from everyone here. I came to realize that I was better off without someone beating me and scaring my children all the time. It took time but I managed to get my life straightened out. I began working, filed for divorce, got things finalized...went on with life.

Fast forward to 2001, I met and in 2002 married my new H. he has been perfect for me and my kids. My ex has decided he doesn't want or need to be a father to the boys. My new H has stepped into that role. My ex pays child support when he thinks it's necessary. I let him alone and go on with my life. I don't need him or anything from him. It's sad that my sons don't have their biological father around them but he's an alcoholic and drug addict so I think at this time they're better off.

Life is much better and I'm in a much better place that I could have ever imagined! Thank you everyone!!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#762691 12/23/03 10:12 PM
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Hey Girl!

Happy to hear things are going well... we have some similarities!

It also will be 4 years for me (different circumstances of separation tho) this coming Feb.
I was separated 02/00 - divorced 07/01

Met new husband 02/02 and remarried
3/8/2002 -- (if you mean August 3rd /02 -- we also share the same wedding anniversary! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


Blessings!
DZZZ

#762692 12/23/03 10:44 PM
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Mitzi Offline OP
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Hi DZZZ,

Actually I met my H November 9, 2001 and married him on March 3, 2002 in VEGAS! Things are going well....couldn't be better!

Luck and love,
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#762693 12/23/03 10:51 PM
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Well, same numbers .. wrong order .. lol!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

DZZZ

#762694 12/23/03 11:19 PM
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Mitzi, Did your husband marry her (the OW)? What happened with them?

Also, personal quest. for both of you... how old are you-- how old are the 2nd husbands-- how did you meet them-- how will you avoid being part of the 60% statistic of 2nd marriage divorces.

Sorry, that's a lot of questions! You can just give very brief answers if you want, or not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Or if you don't want to share, that's okay. The questions crossed my mind reading of your remarriages.

I am not at all desiring to date right now... not sure if I ever will be wanting to date or remarry, but I am young 30's, divorced one year, and wondering how I'd meet a 30 something stable/healthy/no major hang-ups future husband. Again, I'm really not there yet. I want to give myself probably at least one more year of not thinking about it (dating) and just working on things- career, healing, growing, etc. But was wondering how you met these men and how you'll avoid bad marriages with them. I have learned alot about my own past mistakes, etc. but kinda nervous about meeting a guy who hasn't!

But I don't really want analysis of me, but wondering about your stories re: your remarriages. Just curious.

One last.... also, Diamonnzzz I know you are a Christian too and wondering more about your faith vs. your divorce vs. your remarriage. Does that make sense? How did you reconcile it all with Scripture and Biblical teachings? That might require alot of typing though for you to explain. Do you have a link to your past story or anything?

Mitzi, are you a Christian?

<small>[ December 23, 2003, 10:33 PM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

#762695 12/23/03 11:36 PM
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LoveMyEx,

Don't worry about the questions..I don't mind answering them! If you did a search on me, you'd find out a lot more than what you asked here! LOL

I met my first H when I was only 16. He was 18 and we met thru mutual friends. It was one of those young romances where the girl gets pregnant and they decide to get married. It was rocky from the start. He was an alcoholic and was/is a drug addict. But I stayed and had 14 years with him and 3 children. We separated when I was 30 and he was 32. He moved right in with his OW. Our sons were 10, 7 and 2 1/2. Our divorce was final almost a year later. (11/2000). He married the OW in August 2002. They are still together but thru friends, I hear that it is rocky as he has already been abusive to her.

I met my 2nd husband, who I am still married to, in November 2001. Believe it or not, I met him in a bar. I went out with friends to celebrate a co-workers birthday. I always said I'd never date a man I met in a bar. I didn't want to deal with another alcoholic. It turned out that my H had just recently divorced and was out with friends. I was 32, he had just turned 28.

I'm positive I can avoid being a statistic about remarriages. Me and my husband are very committed to each other. He doesn't know alot about MB but uses the principles and just doesn't realize it. We spend as much time together as our jobs allow (we work different shifts), we don't do anything unless both parties agree to it. We try to keep things new and we both love all 5 of the kids as our own (my 3 and his 2). He is my best friend and I would never think of hurting him.

Dating for me was extremely scary. I told him from the beginning that I wouldn't tolerate any type of abuse or affairs. I kept trying to find something wrong with him but I still haven't. He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me. Neither of us wants to go thru a divorce again and will make adjustments as we go along to make sure that doesn't happen. It's not always easy but we make it work. We love each other...enough that he's going to get his vasectomy reversed at the beginning of the year so that we can have a child together. Yes, that will mean 6 kids and some changes, but we've talked about the pros and cons and decided that we both want it.

Did I give you any of the answers that you were looking for? If you want/need to know more, just give me a yell! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#762696 12/23/03 11:42 PM
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LoveMyEx,

Hmmm...yes, I do consider myself a christian. I believe in God, but I'm just not a very good one. I've gone to different churches but haven't found one that I felt comfortable in. I pray, know a lot that is in the bible, and live my life as best as I can. But I also sin, just as any other human. I lived with my husband before we got married, and I've also been divorced. The divorcing and remarrying part of the Bible is hard for me. I was very committed to my first h, but he wasn't to me. Also I didn't think God would want me to be in a situation where I was being physically hurt everyday. I think that, in a way, God is happier for me in my second marriage. My H is a good husband and a good father figure to my kids. Know what I mean? Maybe I'm just thinking that to make myself feel better, I don't know.

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#762697 12/23/03 11:45 PM
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Hey Mitzi,
Good to hear things are going so well for you!!! Things here are going well, just celebrated g/f's birthday and our 3 yr anniversary together(if you can count seeing each other about every other weekend for 3 yrs as 3 yrs!).

Bob

#762698 12/23/03 11:48 PM
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Hi Bob!!

Yes, 3 years of every other weekend is 3 years, if you're committed to each other! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


Glad you're still doing good! Do you ever get to my part of the country anymore? Just wondering!

Thanks for saying HI!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#762699 12/24/03 12:04 AM
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Thanks Mitzi.

I think alot of people use MB principles but don't realize it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I appreciate what you shared about being a Christian, etc. The Bible does say that if a spouse is unfaithful (sexually), that the other is not "bound" to them. The bond was broke the moment he/she has sex with someone else.

I don't think any of us are very "good" ones. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We are all sinners.

Well, I am not at all yet desiring another husband right now, but I was curious about some stories of remarriages here.

Thanks for sharing about yours.

I have to go out into the madhouse out at the mall, but will read again later and post any more thoughts/questions.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

#762700 12/24/03 12:21 AM
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Glad it's you at the mall and not me! LOL

Seriously though, if you have any more questions about my past marriage or my present one, just let me know. I really don't mind sharing!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#762701 12/24/03 12:45 AM
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Mitzi,

How wonderful for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just remarried this past Saturday (posted some details about it on EN board)

#762702 12/24/03 05:06 AM
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Mitzi,
I get to Parkersburg and that's about it. We just don't do much business in WVa and when they do, they try to get me to do it, but there is usually someone closer in another state.

Mel and I are committed to each other. I bought her a "promise" ring last year for Christmas. I took the big step this year and bought her a DVD player! Nothing says commitment like electronics! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

#762703 12/24/03 11:37 AM
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Mitzi - glad all is well. It's always wonderful to hear from you. I am outgrowing my need to be here. If it weren't for my kingdom, I doubt I would be here much at all.

As one of the few long-timers, it is great to hear from the others who were here long ago (3years is a long time around here) and to keep up. As for me, I'm still seeing the diplomat.

#762704 12/24/03 11:46 AM
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Its great to see that MB has helped in so many ways, even if it was for starting over rather than fixing the past.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but I am young 30's, divorced one year, and wondering how I'd meet a 30 something stable/healthy/no major hang-ups future husband. Again, I'm really not there yet. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LMX, if we're not out there yet, we will be when we're ready also <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

#762705 12/24/03 04:36 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LMX, if we're not out there yet, we will be when we're ready also</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just make sure you are HEALED, made peace with the past, and all that good stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I know that for me, it would be completely "unfair" to be in any relationship right now because I am still "hung up" on my ex. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I figure, we were married, and despite the junk and pain, he was at one time my husband whom I loved dearly (although not perfectly).

In my opinion, you don't just "stop" loving. You either harden your heart and hate; thus, it seems like you don't love but really your hate is simply "blocking" it so you don't have to face it because it can be very, very painful to love someone when it is unreturned or they "love" someone else. Or, another thing that happens is, as time goes on, your love lessens. If not "fed," it will diminish with time. I think that's why it's important to give allow yourself plenty of time in between relationships... so that you can "naturally" and properly heal. Another thing that can happen is that you reconcile your feelings of love with reality. The relationship is not necesarilly reconciled, but you are reconciled to the way things are, etc. In your own heart, you make peace with the past and with your feelings about it, etc.

IF I ever remarry (big IF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), I don't want to do so with hatred towards my ex-husband. I want to be able to say that I still love him but it is a different love. It is a love for him because he was once my husband and very close to me, because he is a human being created by God just like me, and if I had kids with him, I'd say that also because he was the father of my children (although he's not).

Not sure if that makes sense, but I want to get to that point before I remarry... IF I ever do. In many ways I am "at peace" with him... as far as I do not hate him and have forgiven him, but I still mourn the loss of our marriage and believe I am still in a grieving stage. I think many people date/remarry during this stage and it can be premature.

Anyways, some random thoughts there!

Thanks Mitzi for sharing. How have your children accepted it? Does your ex-husband not see them at all?

<small>[ December 24, 2003, 03:40 PM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

#762706 12/24/03 04:52 PM
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LMX,

I've healed in the way that my love that I had for my ex has diminished to nothing. I don't hate him and some wonder how that's possible. But if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have my kids.

My children have done amazingly well so far. My oldest has some anger problems but they are mostly directed toward his father. My H tries to be as patient as possible with him. (it's a task! LOL) My middle one is still hurt by his dad. Honestly, as bad a father as my ex is, Dylan misses him. My youngest doesn't remember his dad living here, as he was only 2 when he left. He knows who his father is to see him but that's about it. My ex lives about 10 minutes from us and has seen the boys maybe 10 times since he left. We've ran into him in Walmart and stuff like that but there is no quality time. The last time he spent any time with the 2 youngest was July of 2002. My oldest did spend 2 nights with him this past summer. He hasn't attempted to even call them in over 2 years. I often wonder how a father can do this to his own flesh and blood. But the relationship is between him and the boys. I try not to interfere. The 2 youngest say they don't want to see him anymore and the oldest says he doesn't care anymore. If he sees him, fine. If not, that's fine also. (These boys are only 14, 11, and 6) If he would call and say he wanted to see them, I would make every attempt to get the kids to go. But I will not force them. It's all up to them.

Now, I'm off to my mom's to celebrate Christmas eve. My kids are with me but my hubby is at work. Should be a fun evening. Then I get to come home and play Santa! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Merry Christmas All!!

Love,
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


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