I would like to think about ways to meet other people and socialize as a divorced person who is not interested in remarrying.

I'd just like to be with other adults. My concern with divorced groups is that I will be viewed as single, but I'm not. We've never developed couple friendships because my H has been off with buddies doing things like golfing or been in individual activities like running. Right now, I socialize with stay at home Moms during the day. Any ideas? I feel very lonely, but the loneliness is not like being single. Instead, I feel trapped.

<small>[ December 24, 2003, 10:00 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

Do you have a women's shelter nearby? If so, counselling is available there. In my view, the task at hand is to accomplish your separation. In your other thread, you were still talking about hopes that mc will save your marriage. I believe you are being doubleminded. Planning for the future is one thing. Having two destinations in direct conflict with each other is a recipe for getting nowhere. I don't want to sound harsh or bossy. I simply know too well how hard it is to let go of something you want when it isn't on the menu. You are married to a dangerous man. You can't get out alone. You need help. Please get some counselling. Without exception, stories I've heard about physically abusive relationships share one common trait -- it always gets worse. I am very concerned for you.

I think LH has a good point. If you are legally separated and getting a divorce, what real harm does it do if others see you as moving toward singleness? I don't think you have to be shopping for a husband in order to join a support group.

If you are planning on reconciling and just want adult company in the evenings, how about taking some evening classes?

Basically, you need to know where you are and where you're going.

Classes are good. The YMCA, JCC or even a health club are great ways to meet each other. BTW, if finances are strained the Y offers assistance. No one is turned away.

I met people through yoga. I made a nice friend (Newly) through here. We're only 90 minutes away from each other!

Classes are good. Hobby groups. Voluteer groups, not just spiritual, but also environmental, your township, whatever you feel passionate about.

Sometimes though, I'm home alone. All my friends are busy. And I just want to do something. See people. So I grab a book, and head out for a glass of wine or tea. The book is great in case wherever I go ends up a pick up scene. I can eavesdrop, people watch etc. I've even talked to people.

After some trial and error, I find a book is 70% more effective than a wedding ring for preventing "unwanted attentions." I kid you not.

Evenutually, you might find a neighborhood bar or coffe shop "where everybody knows your name." A safe place to connect with other adults with no pressure.

I dupped! Sorry

<small>[ December 26, 2003, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: greengables ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by broken heart and arm:
<strong> I would like to think about ways to meet other people and socialize as a divorced person who is not interested in remarrying. ... I feel very lonely, but the loneliness is not like being single. Instead, I feel trapped. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Practical ideas:
Go to a work-out class with other women.
Go to a class at the local "free" university.
Go to a class you need to finish your degree.
Invite people who are newer friends to your home for a party/get together.
Pick anything you are interested in as a hobby and either GO do that with people or invite them to your house.
Volunteer--at a women's shelter, a rape crisis center, a homeless center, anywhere!
Go to church/worship services.
Go to bible studies or prayer meetings.
Start a book club at your local bookstore, and start with "His Needs/Her Needs" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Join a team--bowling, softball, volleyball, anything. Even if you're no good, it's still fun.
Get a job--even a small part-time job to get out of the house and meet people.

*****

Thoughts to consider:

I understand that you are legally separated and not divorced, and I applaud you for waiting at least until everything is legally in order before you venture out into "singledom." Like you, I waited, and I am eternally grateful for the time I took to work on myself and my life and my kids. I was not/am not particularly looking to remarry, although I am not theologically against it or anything. The big hurdle for me, honestly, was accepting the fact that I was indeed SINGLE. I did not try to go to singles groups because I was not ready to admit to myself that I was SINGLE. Once I embraced that fact, then I was more ready and not so hesitant to label myself as a single person, because guess what?? I AM! I am also short and funny and female...and single.

So, take your time. I found having lady friends was invaluable to me, because I was able to feel connected to people and appreciated and loved, without at the time feeling the pressure to feel romance. It was good. After some time went by (years) I felt a crush one day and realized that my heart was not dead--just hybernating.


CJ

FaithfulWife,
What is S-Anon?