Wife moved out 4 months ago and we have filed for D. Wife is involved with OM she met right after seperation.W says that she loves me but not in love and doesn't want to try to make M work but its to hard. W will not leave OM or spend time with me because its to painful. Have tried 180 and have been a good friend without pursing need advice. W will go to counselling about kids not us.Trying to save 19 years. Going to court soon and I am afraid that will stop any chance of makin M work. Have improved my self and address changes in my self. W says that we are better apart then together.

I don't know all cirsumstances, but will tell you from my pint:

I left my H 3 months ago (have no OM) and, for the time being, there is nothin he could do to win me back; simply I had enough and with totally lost trust in him, I don't even turn my back for any possibility to reconcile.

You must have had enough signs about her frustrations, unhappiness with you... you just didn't give it enough attention or desire (at that time) to change things to satisfy her, maybe you didn't get them seriously... maybe...

What now?
Work on yourself, be honest with her, don't complicate her life, combine plan B with pleasant talk with her when you cannot avoid, and... maybe one day you can reconcile...
Be always somewhere close to her, so she can see imrovements, changes, be there for her, be positive, full of understanding, and charming...

At least that's what could bring me back to my H...
maybe