Well, X hasn't really seen much of the kids this year. He's married to the OW now. Tomorrow he's taking the kids overnight for the first time. I am uneasy about my children going to visit with the woman who broke up my marriage. Yes, I do still harbor ill feelings toward the woman who knowingly dated a married man. Is this someone I want my kids to be around? My x inlaws met her this weekend for the first time (it's been a year since he married...) and said she seemed nice.
So what is my problem? Why can't I just let go? I KNOW the kids need to be around their father, I just hate for it to have to be like this.....
I really want to MOVE ON, and get all the ugly thoughts out of my head. Maybe it's just the holidays or something, but things keep running though my mind......
My x mother in law thinks I need a boyfriend!
I told her I want to do some more healing and come to grips with life by myself first.
Anyone else out there going through the visitation thing?
How does it feel for the kids to visit the OP?
I really need to hear from some of you. Thanks for the help!
KK

kk,
It just takes time. It gets somewhat easier, but it still hurts. I dropped my kids off at their mother's last night after church and it bothered me that I wouldn't have my kids for Xmas morning,and om is long gone.

It just have to work through it all.

Bob

Thanks for understanding Bob. You know, in the back of my mind, I still sorta think my X is going to come back to me. Since he's remarried, I REALLY need to get over that. But, love just doesn't die overnight does it? Time is my best friend now.
I will have a nice, restful day tomorrow while kids are at the x's. Hopefully i won't dwell on it all day.
Thanks again for replying.
KK

kk,
My x has justed started seeing the kids more in the past year or so after her marriage to the om fell apart. Prior to that is was pretty much just her weekends and 1 nite per week unless she had something better to do.

Find things you like to do, a friend suggested going to a bookstore and browse if you like to read. They all have the coffee shops and comfortable seating, you can eat up lots of time that way.

I usually do the deep cleaning when the kids are away. I try to get them to clean, but they don't do that good of a job, so I really go at it when they're gone.

I also bought a nice bike at Wal-Mart($60 plus $30 for a gel seat).

Bob

Thanks Bob. I did find plenty of things to do today. I went to a Christian bookstore and found 3 really good books. One is the Purpose Driven Life, of which I've heard great things.

The kids are spending the night tonight with their dad. I talked with the youngest one a few minutes ago, and sounds like they are having a great time with ow's daughter (same age as my middle child). OW also invited some of her family over, I guess to meet the kids, who knows.
Anyway, tomorrow I will deal with having to hear the kids tell me what a wonderful time they had. I will be happy for them, and say nice things, even though it's hard. I always thought of myself as an emotionally mature person, until all of this happened. Now, I wonder about my stability. I'm going to a counselor Monday to start some therapy. I'm SO ready to grow beyond all of this.
Thanks for listening. Have a great weekend, everyone!
KK

kk,

It's hard!!!I am right there with you!!! I didn't/don't want my children anywhere around the stepmom. But my kids are older and I could not control it, they want to see their dad they have to put up with her. They know what happened to their family and that it was her and their father that was responsible for it's demise, they've expressed this to me. Like I said they are older, so they invite dad to come here to visit often, he comes sometimes when they ask, but this way they get one on one time or three on one time with their dad.

He was here last weekend to pu YD to take back to Utah for 2 weeks, she couldn't come. He was here from 6pm Sat til 9 am on Mon and she called 6 times on his cell phone. Wonder how that's working for them?

I've only ever seen her once, when they meet me to pu YD this summer, xH couldn't/wouldn't introduce me to her and I didn't care to acknowledge her or have to intoduce myself. I guess that is the part that bothers me the most, I stayed home with these kids so that I raised them, I knew all of their teachers, coaches, I wanted to know who it was my children were with, and know I have to allow them to be with her, this person that I don't know and don't like.

This summer YD went to visit by herself for the first time and she took the day off to take my daughter to the movies, they eat out whenever my D goes there,says that she doesn't know how to cook! Whatever!!! She's not there mom I am and I know that and so do they!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Daybreak,
Thanks for your response. You sound like you are doing so well with everything. I was doing pretty good until the holidays hit, them bam! XH dropped kids off today, and of course they had a wonderful time, and can hardly wait to go back. OW was very nice to them, and so was OW's daughter. XH now says he wants to start getting them every other weekend, which is fine. They do need to feel connected with him
As for me, I am going to start with a counselor on Mon. I'm tired of these feelings of betrayal and rejection, and I want so badly to get past that. I want to quit thinking of xh and what I could have done differently 24/7. I want to feel happy and whole again!!!!
I'll let you know how things go.
thanks for sharing.
KK

KK---I really hurt for your situation (and Daybreaks, too). There are so many feelings to deal with that I don't know if I could have handled my kids being involved with OW. It is not an option in my situation cause my sons are older than OW and I don't think they would be up to visiting with her and H....

You both sound like you are handling it in a very mature and caring way. Even though you hurt, you are not letting it effect your children negatively. They will need to grow and come to their own conclusions about what happened. It will be healthy for them to stay connected to their dad in spite of the OW involvement. Kids need a Dad---even my boys who are 28 and 33 need their dad and I try very hard not to ever interfere with their relationship. Matter of fact, I bring us together cause they are all men and have a hard time connecting regularly. I just pray alot that my boys will see the damage that their dad did to himself so that they never take that path.....

KK---I am reading Purpose Driven Life, too. It is awesome and I can't wait each day to read it. It is like a devotional for 40 days and there are so many scriptures that have encouraged me to no end. I love the Message Bible and Rick Warren uses it alot. I think someone from MBs last month started a forum on Purpose Driven Life and if you are interested, I will find the website.

TW

Dear Tossed Wave,
Thanks so much for your encouraging message. I just bought "A Purpose Driven Life" yesterday, and am planning on starting tomorrow. I have heard so many wonderful things about it. I really do want to grow as a person, and I want to believe that God has wonderful things in store for me!!! Have you learned a lot from the book? Have you found any other devotional books to be helpful?
Thanks so much
KK

It takes time to let go of rejection.
It's a blow to the ego.

I don't remember when my feelings changed.
I think it was a process.

I think counseling helped.

My circumstances were a bit different.

My X left me for a friend who was married.
I let him back a few months later.
I realized he was still in contact with her for at least 8 months after he came back.
I realized this was not the life I wanted.
I set my sights on moving forward with my life.
I set my sights on divorcing him emotionally and then figurativly.

I don't know if he continued to see her or not in the few years that followed before I served him.
I didn't care anymore.
I realized I had a lot more to offer than he would ever know.
I realized he was not what or who I thought or wanted to think he was.

Now I am truley happy.
He's not.
He's the one hurting now.
I feel bad for him but I know he brought it on himself.
I gave him the chances to make things work.
I opened my heart to him over and over.
He refused.
I guess this is why, along with having NPD, he is confused now.
"He's such a great guy." His words.

Suddenly, I had clarity.
In Gods time.

Aly

kk---so far in Purpose Driven Life, God is reconfirming things I all ready knew but had forgotten. It is all about HIM. It all began with God and we were born for and by his purpose. I never understood the statement "God has a purpose for your life" but I think it is getting clearer. Rick Warren examines in depth 5 purposes for our lives (see table of contents) but what is so neat with this book is the scripture he uses are from modern versions and it clarifies things so much for me. I have read these scriptures many times but never understood them fully. I think Day 5 so far was the most meaningful. God's view of life: life is a test, a trust and a temporary assignment. ENJOY!!!!

Other devotionals that were right on target for me are some of Chuck Swindoll's (can't remember the names, sorry) I think one was Finishing Touch.
Also Joni Eareckson Tada's DIAMOND IN THE DUST. I am doing a Bible study right now that is called SEARCH THE SCRIPTURES edited by Alan Stibbs.

TW