I think I've lost hope and divorce is the only answer to end this abuse.My husband of 18+years had an affair 2 years ago.I had moved out due to a domestic violence dispute for which he was arrested.After 3 months I moved back home with our 3 children.He was extreamly nice and we talked about alot of things but I also found out about his other women he had.I never thought he could do that/this.His affair continued for about 6 months after I moved back.It was horrible.He would fly to ILL. to see her,within 3 months he left 6 times.She paid for everything.She even showed up at my front door and she and my husband went away for a weekend.I've been our sole supporter for many many years.He doesn't work.He sits home and chats with whoever all day.After he broke things off with ILL. things were going so good for us I felt like I could finally breath.Then one day he told me that he had found someone else and that he had been chatting with her for the past 6 months and he was in love with her.Again he flew to OH to meet this other woman just left me and the children.This happened twice with OH.Things changed with them though after his second visit there she broke it off and went back to her husband.Since then he's had others on the net but he hasn't left to go meet anyone yet.I'm tired of the deception,lies and having my heart torn apart.It's like a game to him irrigaurdless of my feelings.He told me that he's not in love with me anymore but he loves me.He still hugs me and is still very affectionate with me.That's whats so confussing about this whole thing.I don't know what forum I belong in anymore.I thought I was "in recovery"from the first affair but now I belong in "just found out"eventhough I'm still trying to recover.I honestly feel it's time for a divorce.I've tolerated this behavior now for 2 years and nothing with him has changed.He's still not working.He doesn't do anything in the house and with our children.It's like he wants to be there for the comfort but take no responsibility for anything.I've become a very strong woman due to this whole experience and realizing I truely don't have a husband anymore.I don't even know who he is.The people he chats with don't know he's a married man.He lies to them also all the time.Could someone help me with this.I'm so tired.I feel like I'm 80 when I only just turned 40. Help!!!!!!

I am curious, what did you do? I'm in the almost
exact situation, except my husband works. I have
went through the abuse (mental & physical), calling cards, p.o.boxes,chatrooms,classmates.com (his first love)and what was a wonderful marriage has turned into a nitemare, he's a sneak, dissapears for day's at a time and call's and ask's did I miss him! He get's what he want's and
wants no questions asked!

I am curious, what did you do? I'm in the almost
exact situation, except my husband works. I have
went through the abuse (mental & physical), calling cards, p.o.boxes,chatrooms,classmates.com (his first love)and what was a wonderful marriage has turned into a nitemare, he's a sneak, dissapears for day's at a time and call's and ask's did I miss him! He get's what he want's and
wants no questions asked!

After dealing with this and all the lies and all the verbal abuse and mind games. I've let go.I can't pretend in my own mind that things will change.He's caused too much damage not only to me but to my 3 children because they know what he's doing they hear his conversations and unfortunatly they've seen how sad I am and heartbroken.I'm usually "normal"around the kids but there are days when it's hard.They don't understand him and don't even try,they just want him to leave now.I've been struggling for the past two years to keep our marriage (of 18 years) together but I'm trying alone.I've moved into my girlses bedroom now and I've been sleeping on the floor for @ a month.I can't live like this and wait for him to get his act together.He has it made right now.He has his own bedroom/bathroom,cell phone,TV with cable,his computer with internet and he doesn't contribute a thing or help in any way with the house.If the kids start arguing he'll just go to his room and close the door and I'm left to deal with it.That's the way it is with everything.I got paid today and he said all I need to take care of is my cell bill and my dentist apptment.Ok? What about the rest of the bills???I guess he doesn't care about those though.It's all up to me.It's ok because it's been that way all along I just didn't see it until now.I do everything,cook,clean,shop,fix whatever in the house that needs fixing.I don't even ask him for help because he'll complain.He's trained me quite well through out the years and I can see how manipulative he truely is and it makes me sad that he could do what he's done and take full advantage of me.So I'm on the hunt for a lawyer.I've had enough.What's sad though.He'll be a totally different person when we do separate but I've learned that "a leopard does'nt change its spots"and I know with in him he'll always be the person he is today.A player,lier,cheat,a fraud. My advice to you is you need to step back and truely look within yourself and allow yourself to see the big picture.It's hard,the disbelief I went through.But my evidence proved my instincts right.Unfortunatly.I have to go now but please take care and let me know what happens.
Good Luck