X called me today to give her schedule for next month and asks if she can have the kids every weekend because she is working days during the week and can't take them.

I said no as I want weekend time with them too, not just during the week when I'm working and still mange to get them most places they need/want to be.

So she said to me " You just want them when it is convienent for you." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I told her what weekends I would take the kids and she said fine and hung up.

I am going to let her have it when I see her. I'll remind her that she had no time for the kids when her "soulmate" was around and now that he is gone she all of a sudden wants more time with the kids. I'm tired of letting her get away with crap like this. I go out of my way to avoid arguements with her because the kids usually find out about it.

She promised to take the kids to church after we went to see a court investigator when we were haggling over child support about 3 months ago. She has taken them once!

<small>[ December 29, 2003, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: RWD ]</small>

Bob - I constantly have this struggle. My XW similarly makes a custody request that suits her convenience, yet when I balk that MY plans get upset, I'm being "unreasonable" and "controlling." I could tell you stories that would make you vomit.

Our easy solution: stick to the rules. Period. Yep, it might not suit you and me from time to time, but predictability is priceless.

We will never change these women. We will always be "wrong." Just accept that in their eyes we are scum, but we don't care what they think anymore. We care what's good for our children, first, and what's good for us, second.

Wanna go have a beer?

WAT,
Name the place!!!!!!!

X made a big deal about having the kids for Xmas and she was taking them to her sisters. She forgot to tell d and d balked at going so x said "just stay hoome with your father then." Good thing I don't make solid plans.

Then I find out she is working today. She works 12 hr shifts and so is gone about 13-14 hrs. While I have to work when I have the kids, isn't stupid to to have them setting at her place alone when I am home. She does this regualarly and still states she has them 50% of the time. How you can say they are with you when you are 25 miles away for 13-14 hrs is beyond me! She says they can just go to her neighbors.

The one neighbor is going thru her own problems, she is going thru a divorce and her x is with a 20yo and her 18 yo d is going out with a 30+ yo man!

The other neighbors are just plain sports nuts. They both are planning for their kids to have Div 1 sports scholarships. While both pretty good at high school sports, I don't see either one going unless it is a lower level D1 program.

Bob,
That would really anger me too, that the X would want to see them more now that the soulmate is gone. My X has had very little time for our kids, and when he does it's usually at the insistence of his mother. She rags him pretty regularly about seeing the kids. In a way, I would like to just tell her to let me handle it, but if that were the case, he probably wouldn't see them at all. It was extremely hard for me to send my kids there to spend the night for the first time a few days ago. But, this is another bump in the road I knew was inevitable. First, the affair, then his leaving, then his remarriage, then the divorce (out of order, i know), now the visitations. That's enough for me, I'm ready for my life to settle down and begin some kind of normal pace.
Anyhow, Bob, I hope your kids are handling all of this okay.
You sound great yourself. How old are your kids?
KK

RWD,

My ex *used* to do the same thing--

He'd worked out of town for years--home one weekend a month--and not spending time with them even then--and when he moved out he asked his boss to put him on a job in town--first time he ever did that--

So every weekend he wanted to get the kids--He didn't want them during the week because it was inconvient for him--as he had to work all day (as did I) and didn't want to take them to and from school--as it was out of his way--so he'd drop them off at home late Sunday evening--when it was time for bed--

for awhile I let him do this--because the kids wanted to spend time with him--but after awhile it began causing problems--not just for me--but for the kids--the biggest one being our son started missing the school bus, getting in trouble at school, and then he and our daughter started getting sick at school--where the school nurse would call me to come get them--and even lost my job because of it--but they learned that they are more important to me--than my job--and when they 'need' me I'm there--which in turn dispelled what they had been told--

It came out they missed spending time with me
and thought they *had* to go to their dad's because he told them "I" didn't want them around--and since I'd made plans and wasn't always home when they called they assumed it to be true--

Needless to say--things changed immediately--and I set boundaries--I explained to the kids, that I know they want to spend time with their dad--and I'm okay with that--and that yes, when they are with him I make plans for myself---but NOT because I don't want them around, but because it helps me not to hurt so much them not being here--

I explained it breaks my heart to see them leave like that for a weekend, and I was just trying to allow them to spend time w/ him because they need that too, and was trying to take that into consideration--but those are my feelings and not theirs to try and fix--but for me to work through and deal with so they don't need get upset about it or blame themselves--

I called their dad and explained that I don't mind if he gets the kids every other weekend--but him getting them every weekend isn't working for the kids or me anymore--and we need more than just weeknights when they have home work and such-I said it's not fair to them or me or him--and they are really struggling with that arrangement not seeing me--and spending that time with me--

I explained they are getting sick at school so that I have to come pick them up just so they feel they can spend time with me--so it went to the every other weekend--

And after the custody hearing he went back out on the road--and for the first six months or so he was in town every other weekend to get the kids--and now, it's dropped back to the one weekend a month he comes into town and gets them--which is what I knew would happen all along--

I say I knew it, because that was the main reason for the divorce--as he told me he had never planned to quit his job and be here--but deep down..in allowing him all those weekends--it was my hope he would see just what he was missing--and decide to choose his family over his career--

I shared that just so you know your not alone--in this--

explain to your ex that your kids need that time with BOTH of you--and if she wants more time with them, then it's up to HER to change HER schedule--not you to change yours and not the kids changing theirs--and if she can't then she needs to learn to live with her own choices--and accept that is what she decided--not you and not the kids--

T-R,
Your right, I've let her have her way because of her goofy schedule and I end up making plans around her schedule.

She works 12 hr shifts either 7a-7p or 7p-7a and doesn't have to work weekends although se does work Fri nites which I consider the weekend, but her work doesn't. She usually works the Fri night of the weekend she has the kids and then keeps them to Mon nites.

She initially bragged that the 12 hr shifts allowed her more time with the kids, but it is really convient way for her not to have to go to their stuff that she dislikes so much because she is either working or sleeping.

KK,
My d is 16 and my s just turned 13.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Your right, I've let her have her way </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's not going to work anyway.
I agree to my X's ridiculous schedules then he claims he never made them - yet I have them in letters from him?
X arrived on Sat. at 9 am to pick up the girls for a week. I thought I misread his letter.
When I finally found his letter, he wrote that he'd pick them up at 6 pm from my house.
It's whatever they want, whenever they want it.
NPD. It's all about them. We only wish they really cared about their kids - and didn't just want them around to prove they are parents.

Would you rather be right or happy?

This is my motto when dealing with my ex.

Another good motto is "What is really best for the kids?"

Example, it is stated in the custody agreement how holidays are supposed to work, but if schedules do not allow our son to see all of his grandparents (because she has a very large family) I do give up some of my time for the benefit of the child.

I am dating a divorced woman with two kids. She had the same problems all the time until she started obeying motto #1. Hope it helps.