I am new to this site but I could sure use some advise on my situation.
My H and I have been married for almost 6 years (our anniversary is on December 31). We have two beautiful daughters age 5 and 1. My H has a teenage son from a previous marriage. Our marriage has been on the rocks for several years. My H works away during the week and is only home usually 1 day on the weekend. Anyways - I knew we where having problems but I never expected the xmas gift I received. Five days before xmas I was served D papers at my place of employment - I nearly died. Just the weekend before we had a great weekend no fighting, I thought maybe we could get through the holidays without too much fighting and stress, after that good weekend he phoned me on Monday and said he didn't want to spend xmas with me and then on the Wednesday I received the papers. We spent xmas together (he still lives in the house)I wanted to spend xmas with my folks but felt out of compassion for him and his mother (his dad died in July) and for the sake of the children I would suck it up and put on my happy face. Once my H found out that I have been to my lawyer to respond to the D he now is giving me mixed messages and doesn't want this D. I am unsure what I want at this time - one moment I think I don't want my family to be torn apart - one the other this is how he operates he is very manipulative and I don't know if I can keep living like that. He basically told me that he filed for the D to "wake" me up. I told him to be careful what he wished for because this may just come back to slap him in the face. I just think that it takes some kind of heartless person to do this 5 days before christmas and our Anniversary - my opinion is that is could have waited until at least after the holidays. I am sure he wants me to spend New Years with him but I am unsure as to what to do.

Thanks for listening.

This is too much. To not say anything and serve you at work is very cold. Can you give more information on your situation? If I were you, I might take him up on his threat.

Hi MM,

What your H did to serve you divorce papers right before Christmas was pretty mean BUT, don't make any hasty decisions yet.If there is even a shred of doubt in your mind about actually going through with a divorce,you should explore this issue in more depth FIRST.

Since you said your M has been on the rocks for years,have you been to a marriage counselor in that time? Has your H had an affair that you know of? It's still obvious how many people in relationships STILL are going about solving problems the WRONG way.If your H wanted you to have a wakeup call,it should have been via another means not so drastic and painful.Geeze.

It's very important now to open up the lines of communication BIGTIME either just the two of you or with a counselor before things get worse.If your H is not sure anymore about going through with the D,then you both have a chance here to try to make things right again.If for no one or nothing else, your children deserve that chance.

Like believer said,can you give us more info?

O

There is an MB Seminar in January.
Read the concepts on this site. If you think he's willing to try to work on the marriage, I highly suggest the seminar. Think of it as concentrated marriage counseling, with followup.
Divorce is expensive, so try to work on the M if you can.
Good Luck. Read, Read, & Read.
And if you can't read (ie. concentrate), order the books on tape.

Thank you everyone for your input. Here is a little more info. I will try and keep it short.

My H is a long haul truck driver which means he is away from home usually 5-6 days a week. I can handle the time apart however he does not want me to "do" anything while he is gone. He expects me to go to work everyday and then come home each night and clean, look after kids, etc. Most of the time I don't want to do anything else anyways however the odd time has arose when I have wanted to go see my sisters or friends from back home and he has a real hard time with that - big trust issues. Granted, I have brought some of them on myself but I have done everything in my power to show him he can trust me. On my 30th b-day I went out with my sisters and friends to a night club (h was working). I met a guy who showed
interest "stroked my ego", nothing happened that night however he phoned me at work and I explained I was married and did not intend to pursue anything. I went out a few weeks later again for a g-friend's b-day and he was there again. I ended up going to his house afterwards (my sisters were with me) and I ended up kissing him, that was the last time I saw him. My H found out about everything and does not believe me when I tell him that nothing more happened, so for the past three years he call me a liar a cheat, etc. He has even gone so far as to bug our phone line - he has become obsessed with it. At first I was really empathetic to him reassuring him all the time - I am now just plain fed up - I can't have a life at all, three years of this is a bit much. It is always about his feelings - never about mine (he is a very dramatic emotional person). He has access to all my pass codes for my cell phone, my e-mail, etc. just to prove to him I have nothing to hide. He has a bookkeeper look after all his money - we don't have a joint account - I have no access to his - everything is mailed to his bookkeeper so I have no idea what he spends his money on??? Also, I should note that because of his profession they take "wake up pills" to help them stay awake. I found some type of drugs (the kind you snort) - I asked him about it and he accused me of snoping through his things (I found it by accident not snoping) and that was it he didn't even give me an explanation if it was a problem, etc. only blamed me for it. I have also found out that he has had prostitutes give him blow jobs. But all the while when I ask him about these things he says its because of my little fling.

I really don't have anyone to talk to anymore. My friends and family want me to leave him. We have been on and off so many times in the last year I feel like everyone is tired of my complaining. My parents are even helping with my lawyers fees.

Why do I feel like I don't even "feel" anymore. I didn't even feel jealous/mad when I found out about the prostitutes. Sometimes I think the reason I want to stay maybe isn't for love but just because it is "easier" than having to deal with everything that comes with D. I am usually a very strong person, I know I could do it on my own, I already am. I just don't know why I am now having second thoughts about this D.

My sister bought me a New Year's Eve ticket to a dance and wants me to go with her and her H. On one hand I want to go, on the other I know my H will say that I obviously do not want to try and work on this marriage if I don't do something with him.

Thanks again for your ear. (Sorry so long, it is really hard to sum up 6 years).

Me 32
H 38
M Dec. 31, 1997
D papers filed Dec. 17, 2003