I guess I should have already given up hope.
I was married 17 years, last January, wife had papers served on me, that was the last time I was in our house.
I had r/o placed on me to keep me from being near our home, her parents home, her brothers home, my kids schools, her work.
Basically everywhere that I had known.
I did not know it at the time, but she had replaced me, she wanted nothing to do with me, she had already chosen her new mate, all they both had to do was divorce their current spouse.
Which they both did, he had no kids, easy thing.
I have two kids, that are my whole life.
They are the only family I have within 2000 miles.
I had held out hope for reconcilation.
But she surrounded herself with supporters of divorce, as divorce being the solution.
So I was forced into a unwanted plan b, no contact.
No contact or else I would be arrested.
Which I was over a technicality.
Which caused me to lose my job.
The kids are my only reason for sticking it out.
** Haven't seen them for 6 days, so I have the Holiday Blues **
Since being "Gotten Rid Of", our divorce became final, that very day my ex wife changed her name back to her maiden name, got new drivers lisence with her new name on it.
He moved into our (was) house 2 months ago, they have changed many things in the house, any reminder of me gone.
His name is now in the phonebook with hers, they have a new phone number together.
He is taking my kids to see his parents on Holidays.
I have been in a divorce support group (Christian oriented), when talk came to reconcilation in the group it was said that at sometime each party of a divorce consider it, but usually they never consider it at the same time.
When does one give up hope?
She has done everything possible to distance herself, to start new life with this man.
(did I mention it was a workplace romance)
(yes they work together)

.......
people tell me to move on..........but how.........when my kids are not with me I am totally and completely alone.
I just wish the ex could have or would experience what it is like to be divorced....she phased me out and got him in.
She still lives in the same house, she gets the kids after work, I have them till then, just like before.
She goes to the same job, with her man.
She has all her immediate family very nearby.
She has not had to deal with any loss.
Will she ever feel it?
Feel what she has done.
I on the other hand feel completly lost.
It really is not just her, it is my loss of family my identity, they people I have known for 18 years.
I should have my picture put up in the post office, with the heading "Not Wanted"
My uncommon bond with my kids is because I was a stay at home dad, and I ended up being backed into a corner before court and agreeing to give her sole custody. (I pray for a change in that more than anything).
It has been 4 days since hearing from my kids.
My only phone contact is to be with a cell phone I pay for for them.
God forbid I should try and call them at their home.
Just let me make it till Monday when I see my kids again.
Someday I hope to stop asking for support and be able to give it........Someday

I feel for you very much. My WH had A w/OW who was also married w/one kid. The OW and her kid moved into a new house my WH bought after we separated.

Even though I filed for D, I told WH I was no longer going to initiate anything for the D, and basically said the door is still cracked open a bit for his return if he wants it.

I just received notice that he has made a step forward in the D, and so now I am faced with the fact that he still doesn't want to reconcile. He seems to be hell bent on living w/OW no matter what happens and who he hurts including our 3 young kids.

I cannot tell you when to give up hope, only you will know when that time comes. However, I can tell you that I have not given up hope or faith in God to work on my WH for me. But at the same time that I continue to pray for my M and WH, I am learning to also go on and live my life w/my kids as best I can. Also, to keep moving forward w/ or w/o my H.

I may be confused, but is your WW keeping you from your children or just their school? Do you get visitation w/them? I sure hope so.

I wish you luck and hope she comes around eventually. Hopefully them living together will open both their eyes to eachothers faults beyond fantasy land. Don't give up if you can help it, just keep the faith and maybe just don't plan on her being there in the future, but hope for it. I hope that makes sense. I'll check back in a day or 2. Hopefully you get some additional supportive responses.

What has been the sequence of your situational events in this A, and how long has this whole mess been going on?

Take care,
FF

rufust,
Your story is similiar to mine. My x took up with someone from her workplace too. I was fortunate in that I was able to keep the kids and the house they were raised in. But the rest of our stories are the same. X was married with grown kids.

She paid me part of the house payment the first month after she moved out with check with both of their names on it. I can't figure out how they got them printed that fast.

If you truly want her back, then you have to just wait them out. Continue to Plan A and work on improving yourself. My x never tried very hard to reconcile either. One attempt lasted 5 hrs.

She then married om 10 months after our divorce.They divorced 16 months later. My now has all her own bills for a house, pays me some child support and has no friends. My daughter could care less if she goes to her mother. My son likes going basically because he has better friends in her neighborhood than here at home.

You sound like you need to get a better lawyer and get better child visitation arrangements.

I agree with RWD. Your atty. should never have allowed you to agree to sole custody IMHO. I give you so much credit for being a stay at home dad. I have been a stay at home mom for the majority of my kids lives.

So far I too am being able to stay living in the home the kids have been in and also I have primary physical custody of them since my WH is the one who left me and kids.

I forget, when did your W leave you? I would seek a better lawyer and see what you can do to get better custody/visitation.

Your wife will learn in time that the kids resent her for keeping them from you.

Hang in there. We are here for you when you need to vent.

FF

I think that the statistics for a M lasting that started as an A are 5%. You can move on, making the best of your present life, while holding out hope that OM and W infatuation will end.

Same here, married 17 years, wife and OM got married. I am waiting at our home with our two children S16 and D19. With prayer and God's good grace she'll return and I'll welcome her home. It been three years now and it really is never easy. But, I know what's on my heart.

<small>[ December 31, 2003, 09:04 AM: Message edited by: Timeheals ]</small>