to someone whose been where I am. Do I divorce or not? I'm a Christian and confused. My H is abusive. I can't go home. I want out. I'm living with my Son and his family but I need my own space. Can anybody relate to this?

thirdday - I am a Christian too. If your H is abusive, you need to stay away from him. Start by reading and posting here. You will get great information and support. I have been posting for about 3 months and it really has made my life so much better.

There are folks here who have been through everything and are willing to share their experience and advice. If you don't get answers, keep posting, sometimes things get overlooked, but don't give up.

Hang in there, I promise things will get better, and all of this can be worked out for your benefit.

I am certain of the separation. Just not about the divorce. H doesn't want divorce. He wants everything back the way it was.

I am familiar with this board. I used to post here frequently only under another name in the recovery forum. It really helped alot. But things just didn't work out and now I will be moving into my own place nxt wk.

Today I am at work just hanging out because I have no other place to go. Don't get me wrong, my son and his family are great, it's just their lifestyle and mine aren't the same. I need to be alone. It's been since October. I am fine as long as I don't have to see or talk to my H. I guess I'm rambling. sorry...

Is there a reason that you need to get a divorce? I'm right on the edge of getting one. H has been seeing OW since March, and now she is living with him. (Although he denies it).

I wanted to stay married, and hope he would come back, but after being in Plan B, I realize how much better my life is without him. Also I am running out of money. I am paying all of the bills - his whole check goes towards wining and dining OW. So soon I need to get divorce, or at least a property settlement. We have one with lawyer that H wrote up, but he refuses to sign it. He is in no hurry for anything, has plenty of money and OW.

In your case if there is no reason to get divorce, I would wait. How long have you and H been married? Of course he would like things to remain the same. But time for a few changes.

He just isn't cooperating with the credit cards. He keeps charging. I asked him to stop and cut up the cards but he says he won't. We are still paying the debt he accumulated with the OW three years ago. It's a long and probably familiar story to most of you. I would love to say I could go back home tonight and everything would be great and we could start fresh. but I know that's a lie. I've tried that 3 times. He doesn't feel he needs to change. And besides that, there's his violent temper. It would be irresponsible of me to place myself in harms way again. Sorry...I'm rambling again.

My attorney tells me if I file, they could have him served within two weeks and would serve a restraining order at the same time. The attorney would ask for a hearing immediately because of the amount of credit card debt. At that time the Judge would assign the debt to us. And the credit cards would be canceled. But that would mean also that I would have to decide about the divorce at the end of the waiting period. And I don't know if I am ready for that.

I know what God says about divorce, and I want very much to remain in God's will. I know that he gave us divorce out of the hardness of our hearts. So I know it's there if I have no other option. I don't want to use that option if I can keep from doing it. So I guess I will wait until God shows His hand to me.

Unfortunately all too many here can relate to this. I'm not familiar with your history though. What state are you in? Many states have legal separations as a way to assign and deal with financial issues such as you described. That would buy time for you before proceeding into something as serious as divorce.

Have you seen a counselor? Talked to you pastor or some other leader in your church? Where do they stand on this situation - are they supportive of you? Do they know about the abuse? What is your church's stance on divorce?

I am also a "Third Day" fan (assuming you meant the group)!