I am pretty close to seperating/divorcing my wife of 15 years. We have two wonderful kids together, but I don't think I should stay for just them. I am not happy anymore and haven't been for some time.

We have gone to a marriage counselor, but nothing has really changed at home. We have lived with her parents for at least 12 years of the marriage including the last 9 years. I have felt like I wasn't important for a long time.

I have shared my feelings, but she has says she couldn't help "ignoring" me due to her depression and aniexty disorders. And I don't mean ignoring me in just a sexual manner. I have felt like I was the money maker for a long time, and that everyone else came first, including her dad.

I am having a tough time deciding what to do. I do love my girls so very much and don't want to hurt them. But, I think they sense something isn't right now. We don't argue in front of them. In fact, we don't really argue at all. We haven't communicated in years.

Unfortuantely for me, I don't have any family where I live. But I don't want to leave the area either. I want to remain near my kids. I want to support them, help them, and love them. They didn't cause this at all.

At the same time, I feel really boxed in. And I feel like that I will be the one blamed for everything since I am the one that will leave.

And I am not perfect either. I know that it is a two-way street and understand that I am as much to blame on many things. But I have tried to be a good husband. Well, in the past. I am tired of it all and don't want to try anymore.

Help!!!

MScott

I can understand a little how you feel. I too live near W's family that she is close to. I am seperated but won't leave the area because of kids and also that I still love her.

The first thing that you need to do is start working on the MB concepts. Know them and use them and give them time. If possible, have her work on them with you.

Get a copy of His Needs Her Needs and read it. Have her read it with you.

Be open and honest with her.

You can be happy with her again, it will just take work and time from both of you. If she is not willing to work on it, your changes will reflect on her and things can get better. Don't give up untill you know that you have no other choice. You came here so you do know that there are still choices and chances.

Good Luck

Why do you still live with her parents? That is enough stress for any family. I feel that long before you leave, you should move your family out of that situation. Unless, obviously you are caring for them physically. I mean, the difficulty with being married is enough at times, without your mother-in-law in the next room. I am not sure that you have covered all your bases, especially in this situation.

Move out and see how everything goes. She might feel just as pent up but unable to do anything about it because she feels responsible to her parents. If financially you can't afford it, then you need to look at your finances and job situation and change it if at all possible. I feel very strongly that you should not leave at least with the information you have given. You see a HUGE stressor on your marriage, and you have not done anything to alleviate it *(at least you haven't stated that information yet... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ). Look at getting your family out of that house and work on your marriage, not on her family of origin. I bet you would be surprised how things might change for the better.

I do rcomend that you rent. So if things do go sour, you don't own a house together to have to deal with.
Sorry if I sound negative, butW and I lived with her parents, we bought a house, year or so later we need to try to sell it for D.

Moving out of her parents did a lot for us but in our case it wasn't enough.