After being together for 14 years, and married 8, my husband is leaving our son and me for his lover and their 3-year-old son. I tried to work through the affair and moved away with him but he still was continuing to communicate with her as well as make trips to see her (without my knowledge). I gave him an ultimatum 4 weeks ago, them or us, and he took them. I can't beleive it. I'm so hurt! He hasn't filed for divorce, but I feel I need to. I don't see this working anymore.

Read up on Plan A and Plan B - put them into use -

To be perfectly honest, if he's already chosen THEM you may not have any recourse - FILE to protect your son and your rights!

Jan

Oh brother.Well,your WH is just trading in one set of "problems" for another.If he thinks that all will be a bed of roses with this other woman and her son,he is in for a rude awakening,especially if you head to divorce.

I can understand your pain right now and with that we start making hasty decisions in our minds but DO read the questions and posts here and consider getting the book" Surviving an Affair" by Dr.Harley if you haven't yet.Don't feel like you have to make ANY major life decisions just yet.Give yourself some time to calm down.

Even though you gave an ultimatum and your WH chose the other family,for now,don't get swept away with despair.These situations are rarely that simplified.

Can you give us more of your background,like your ages,when did you find out about the affair(A),when did you move away,etc.Also,do you work? Is WH the sole financial supporter in the family? Is there any reason to believe that he will not support you financially if he is with this other family? Is the OW married too?

O

One other thing...you mentioned "his lover and THEIR son..." did this mean that this other child is your husbands and the other womans or the other woman and *her husband? I was confused on that issue.

o

I gave him an ultimatum 4 weeks ago, them or us, and he took them. I can't beleive it.
That’s one thing about ultimatums. People have to make one choice or another and it’s not always the decision you want.

Never give an ultimatum unless you are ready to ACCEPT either decision.

thing...you mentioned "his lover and THEIR son..." did this mean that this other child is your husbands and the other womans or the other woman and *her husband?

Read up the links below.

Nicholas1 wrote, “my husband is leaving our son and me for his lover and their 3-year-old son. “
There is no mention of her even being married.

Here's my story....

Three years ago when my husband had the affair, our son and I had stayed with my mother for about 2 1/2 months since she was diagnosed with cancer. When I returned my husband seemed very distant. I confronted him one day and just with a gut feeling asked him if he was having an affair. He tld me yes. I asked him if he loved her and he said yes to that as well. He packed his bags that evening and stayed at his mother's house. He never would tell me anything about her or the situation. We went to a counselor and during our visits we had found out that she was pregnant. My husband had made very poor choices during that time (I consider), like being in the delivery room. He told me that he was only there for the baby (lie number 1000). Anyway, my job (I have always been the breadwinner) moved used 5 1/2 hours away. I gave him the choice that he could stay or leave. I tried to work through this, eventhough all this time he called me unsupportive. My husband is not a very good communicator and my gut feeling again told me that he was not being honest with me. Everytime I would question him or inquire about his child (since I knew he was communicating with her, "about the chid"), he would get very irritated with me. Recently he went down to visit his mother, without my son or I, and upon his return I found a video tape of where he had was at the child's birthday party with "her" and with "her" and the child at a local amusement park. When I confronted him about the video I found, he said that he wanted to share it with me and it wasn't what I thought it was. My son and I went down to visit my husband's mother and I told her that if he came down here again without me I was going to ask him to leave becasue I knew something was wrong. Well, my husband told me that he was going to go down to visit his mother for Thanksgiving. I told him that I had the week after Christmas off and we could go down as a family. He told me that he didn't care what I did but those were his plans. I told him to leave, which is exactly what he did. He did not contact us until 3 weeks later saying that he wanted to see "our son." Through endless hours on the computer and looking at his credit card bills, I see that he has moved in with her. I spoke with him only one time since then and ust asked him why? He is response to me was "becasue you gave me an ultimatum and I didn't like it." And when I wasked him why he was living with her, "because I had no where else to go" His mother lives in that area and several friends. I've alos looked up past cellphone bills and cannot beleive how many times he has called her at her home or on her cellphone. I'm sick to death. I don't see how I can resolve this, nor do I know that that is the thing to do, based on what he's done so far. Any advise?