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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3 |
married twice him - I was #4 already divorced him liar - unfinicially stable - gave his son up after I raised him for 6 years wont leave me alone - says we are soul mates cant get him out of my head wants me back - confused miss him, still love him dont know what to do my kids - ages 16 and 13 have nightmares of him comimg back - told lies about the my children my heart aches - dont know if I should move forward or take him back ???? help <small>[ January 04, 2004, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: sfriends ]</small>
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
Member
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Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714 |
Um, I'm a little confused. This looks like a poem. But I'm still confused.
You married him twice? You were wife #4?
The children are they yours from a previous marriage?
Is there abuse in the picture? Please flesh out your situation. It's hard to offer insight or opinion when we don't have a detailed picture. Thanks. And a big MB welcome.
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3 |
my second marriage was to him - I was his fourth we got custody of his son and he returned him to his real mother after the divorce teenagers are mine emotional abuse - no physical
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
Member
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Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714 |
I still don’t feel I get the picture. Can you give details about specific behavior what let the separation? How you’ve been feeling? How he may have been feeling?
Based just on what you’ve said, do you two have a plan for recovery? If so, is it based on what you’ve read here or on something else? What have you read so far?
In my humble opinion, if your teenagers are really having nightmares, you need to remain separate until there is a plan for recovery and you have professional help. If it was just a figure of speech, I say you may be able to waive the professional help if you both are committed to a plan for recovery.
My definition of emotional abuse is pretty strict, however if your teens are having nightmares about this man, I’d say whatever he did qualifies. You should seek out a woman’s shelter for help and support and information.
The abuse must stop be a plan for recovery can be entered into by both parties. Dr. Harley is very firm about this, and so are the rest of us here. Some abused spouses think that Plan A will bring their spouse out of abuse. It won’t. Plan B has it’s own dangers when used with a physically abusive spouse.
And on a final note, only you know your spouse. Take all advice here with a grain of salt and do nothing that you think would endanger your life or the lives of your family.
I don’t know whether this helps or not.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
Member
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Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714 |
PS: let me point out that the scenario you painted in your first post is typical of abusive people.
If you've asked him to leave you alone, he should respect that. And coming back, pleading, telling you things will be different... it's part of the cycle.
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