married twice
him - I was #4
already divorced him
liar - unfinicially stable - gave his son up after I raised him for 6 years
wont leave me alone - says we are soul mates
cant get him out of my head
wants me back - confused
miss him, still love him
dont know what to do
my kids - ages 16 and 13 have nightmares of him comimg back - told lies about the my children
my heart aches - dont know if I should move forward or take him back ????
help

<small>[ January 04, 2004, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: sfriends ]</small>

Um, I'm a little confused. This looks like a poem. But I'm still confused.

You married him twice? You were wife #4?

The children are they yours from a previous marriage?

Is there abuse in the picture? Please flesh out your situation. It's hard to offer insight or opinion when we don't have a detailed picture. Thanks. And a big MB welcome.

my second marriage was to him - I was his fourth
we got custody of his son and he returned him to his real mother after the divorce
teenagers are mine
emotional abuse - no physical

I still don’t feel I get the picture. Can you give details about specific behavior what let the separation? How you’ve been feeling? How he may have been feeling?

Based just on what you’ve said, do you two have a plan for recovery? If so, is it based on what you’ve read here or on something else? What have you read so far?

In my humble opinion, if your teenagers are really having nightmares, you need to remain separate until there is a plan for recovery and you have professional help. If it was just a figure of speech, I say you may be able to waive the professional help if you both are committed to a plan for recovery.

My definition of emotional abuse is pretty strict, however if your teens are having nightmares about this man, I’d say whatever he did qualifies. You should seek out a woman’s shelter for help and support and information.

The abuse must stop be a plan for recovery can be entered into by both parties. Dr. Harley is very firm about this, and so are the rest of us here. Some abused spouses think that Plan A will bring their spouse out of abuse. It won’t. Plan B has it’s own dangers when used with a physically abusive spouse.

And on a final note, only you know your spouse. Take all advice here with a grain of salt and do nothing that you think would endanger your life or the lives of your family.

I don’t know whether this helps or not.

PS: let me point out that the scenario you painted in your first post is typical of abusive people.

If you've asked him to leave you alone, he should respect that. And coming back, pleading, telling you things will be different... it's part of the cycle.