I have posted before about W no knowing what she wants and giving me mixxed messages about MC.

We have not been to MC since she dicided she wanted D. MC we went to drilled into her chidhood for 4 sessions and she was put under alot of pressure to figure out what she wanted.

We have had discussions about if things would have worked out different for us if MC was focussed on us in the present rather than her past and she seemed to agree that they may have but wouldn't agree to try again. When I bring up trying again, she gets defensive and backs away.

I found new MC for us to go to but to go for DC. We had agreed that it would be good for us to go see someone together so we could try to get through D without hating each other.

W decided at last minute not to go with me so I went alone. I reminded her why we would be going together but she felt like we are getting along OK and don't need help.

After session, W called as soon as I walked in the door. She asked how session was and what I thought of the C. She then went on to explain that she was uncomfortable going with me because she didn't want to dig into her past again.

Once again, she is talking about how our first MC failed and indicated that things may have been different if first MC was different. She then agreed again to go to this new MC with me as long as it was not like the last. We never actually said what we would see him for. I would like to try our M again but I think she just wants to try to get through D.

Am I wrong in thinking that she may feel like we didn't give our M a fair chance due to the first MC.

How can I find out if she is willing to try again without her feeling like I am putting pressure on her to save our M.

If I just go along with working on getting through D, she gets the impression that I want it also. If I tell her that I don't want D, she thinks I am blaming everything on her and trying to make her feel guilty.

Or should I just go to MC with her and see what happens, if she feels that she made a mistake, will she have the guts to admit it to me after hurting me so much.

Man this roller coaster is confusing me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

WIWH,

Oh, I know what you mean about how a counselor can just drill into your past life. The first counselor my WH and I went to see did exactly that. Both of us were not impressed and so I found a "marriage" counselor.

The session with the "marriage" counselor had a dramatically different tone. Is the new counselor a "marriage" counselor? Maybe spend some time with this MC yourself to see if what their philosophies are and if they match with your beliefs (and MB). I spent 30 minutes on the phone with our MC and asked some of the questions from the website. I also specifically asked if he'd heard of HN/HN and what his opinion was so I got a good sense he was very MB like -- turned out to be true. I can understand your W hesitation, but maybe if you let her know it will be different and why she may be more willing to accompany you. . . don't give up yet and if you don't want the D, don't proceed!

Hope

Hope4Best

Yes he is a marriage counselor. I'm not sure of his philosophies but I do know that he is more focused on the present and future than the past.

Unfortunately, our bad MC experience may have cost me my chance at a good one. As far as I've been told, W has made up her mind. I can't even begin to tell her that things will be different unless she tells me otherwise.

If she gets the slightest hint that we would be working on M rather than D, she may not go. My best hopes are that she tells me she would like to give it another try before we make an appointment, or maybe once we get there she will see that things will be different.

I don't think I should bring up working on M until we go for at least one session. Maybe then she can see for herself that it will be different.