I was married at 18, so I really only dated my WH. When the time comes for me to start dating again, where on earth do you find someone to date. I am always worried I will never find anyone??

Cheryl

Sorry I posted this in the wrong forum
Cheryl

Where to find men, we are everywhere 8^)

On a more serious note, today my WW told me she saw a lawyer about going forward with a divorce. After work, I stopped at Wal*Mart to pick up some pet food to feed the pets she left behind and I caught a woman checking me out after I made a comment to her while she was trying to reason with what looked like a 3 year old boy.

I wasn't really looking for it to go anywhere, but it was a nice event to bookend the day. WW repeats that she wants to go in the morning and some lady is checking me out at the end of that same day.

So I still have it, I wonder if I should use it? 8^)

But seriously, men are everywhere, and I think if you choose to look in places you like, you are more likely to find a man you like, that shares your interests.

If you want a Christian man, then hanging out in bars is probably not a good idea, but doing some local missions work or volunteer work might be more fruitful.

There is always sporting events, the truck and tractor pulls, and if you are near a military installation, then when not deployed, there are lots of men there, LOL.

-jSC

Thanks javaSansContour for replying. Yes I am a Christian and if and when I do date, it would have to be a man who is a Christian and makes God his #1.

Cheryl

Some of us are sitting at home wondering what you do and where you go to meet Women. It's been a long time for me too. Use to meet them in home room.

Maybe I'll give WalMart a shot <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Funniest thing is..... they will find you.... when you are not looking..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

A lot of churches have "singles" groups or events going on. I've noticed the ratio of women to men at most events is usually unbalanced with women being the majority. I don't know if it's just me but it seems as if there are usually more women in church than men.

So if you're a woman, it may serve as a good networking tool.

For guys, if you're truly committed to God and not using it as a tool to meet women then you're golden.

Other places of interest- Grocery stores, Book stores, Starbucks, Gyms (meat markets). Try joining a class doing something you enjoy- dancing, yoga etc.

Good luck. I think when you're not looking someone will pop into your life.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Try joining a class doing something you enjoy </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Doing something you enjoy is where you find others with common interests

If you can afford it, skiing is an awesome place to meet men. Just make sure you ski alone so you can ride up on the chair lift with people. I meet all sorts of people and have had some great conversations! They all led no where because I wasn’t looking, but still…

Lunch is another place I’ve noticed men. I guess men don’t pack lunches. LOL. And then there are the construction sites. But have you noticed? All the men around me where shirts now. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but sometimes it’s not. I guess it’s how men felt when mini-skirts went out of fashion.

"…scared to death I will never find anyone else"

Prelude - I never got comfortable with myself until I accepted the fact that I could possibly be alone the rest of my life. If I couldn't be happy by myself, how could I be happy with someone else?

Some things I have learned about dating over the past few years since my divorce:
- Dating takes skill. Good dates take effort from both.
- The only places I would accept meeting someone were places of my interest - church and the gym. Work was okay too. Friends should also help. Me personally, I don't go for looking for someone on-line. Bars were never an option since I don't hang out at bars.
- Dating in your forties is different than in your twenties. Women can and should be slightly more aggressive at this point. Traditionally it's up to the man to be the pursuer. That can be a tough task sometimes. Don't be afraid to approach a man and start to interact.
- There have been times where I have known a woman for only five minutes and asked her out. What is there to lose?
- Even if you are not attracted to someone and he asks you out, go anyway. Do it for experience. You may eventually become attracted to him. If you limit your selection, be prepared to be limited in your dating.
- Learn about good dating on the internet. What is acceptable and what is not. Dates do not have to be expensive, long or complicated especially the first one.
- Ask God to give you the wisdom and opportunity to find the right person. He will deliver, but He will not do the approaching and talking for you.
- If you want to honestly find someone, you must go looking for him/her.
- The effort is worth it.

I was resigned to the fact that I could be alone the rest of my life. I am in my late forties. I dated different women for quite a few years. Recently I met someone and we have fallen deeply for each other. We are keeping it sensible but the hammer has definitely hit, the arrow has pierced the bulls eye. Yep, I knew her for about five minutes before I asked her out.

Cheryl - based on your post on Just Found Out, it's very premature for you to think about dating. No quality man, Christian or otherwise, would knowingly date a married woman.

I understand you said, "When the time comes....", and perhaps you mean after your divorce - should that happen - but even with that, you can potentially save your marriage. If that's what you want, then go back to the infidelity boards and start seeking help. Based on the description of your husband's situation, I'll predict his affair will be short lived. But, if you don't want to save it, by all means get divorced and start dating.

WAT,, yes you are right I did mean if and when i get divorced. I have been married 25 years, married because I was pregnant, two kids, 25 and 22. This is the second affair my husband has. My WH has been out of town the last 5 years in the name of "work". I moved to where he was working to save my marriage. then after 2 years we decided it was best if I moved back, with the promise that this would never happen again, etc. Needless to say it did happen again. After 3 days of meeting the OW he has moved in with her and two weeks later he phoned me said, I never loved you should have never married you, I am leaving you. 4 months later he is talking marriage to her. She has been married 3 times, owns a horse farm and he has given her $8000 in 3 months and paid for thier trip to Holland at Christmas. So at this time I am not sure what way to go. Part of me wants him back and part of me doesnt. I am not sure that this relationship with her will work out or not. I am hoping it doesnt. He is a Christian and I am hoping he gets dumped, hits rock bottom and cries out to God. So no at this time I am not really looking for dates. I have a lot of healing and growing to do.
Thanks for listening to me

Cheryl

Hi Cheryl and all...
I went to a NHL Hockey game last year, my H & I and another couple. The other W and I went alone for beer... I'd never SEEN so many single men in one place!! They stopped us several times, and one BOUGHT ALL OUR BEERS...

I swore, I was going to tell all of my single girlfriends to get a another gf and RUN to the Hockey arena... (two chicks are pretty aproachable, more so than just one).

I go to all kinds of sporting events, this was different; HOCKEY for the ladies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Good luck - Dru

Cheryl---you really should be spending time learning about yourself, your need to heal and to grow as a person. Your situation is so new and has so much uncertainty (also some major decisions will need to be made and you need to get as emotionally free as possible) Dating should be the farthest thing from your mind......with the pain you are carrying, you may make some poor choices if finding someone else is one of your priorities.

Your pain must be so deep and I am sorry you are experiencing the second betrayal. My WS had an emotional affair about 20 yrs ago and fell in love with OW but he had an accident that disabled him and he decided to stay with me....now OW #2 was all I could take. After we separated, finding someone else was all I could think about. I am so glad that I did not have any opportunities to date while in the "fire" of the wreckage of my M. I now know I can live alone forever if that is what path life takes me. I would love to share my life with someone but I do not HAVE TO.

TW

Don't LAFF, I met my wife online. Been divorced over a year, and I placed a 'Personals' ad.. it worked! My wife is the sweetest most wonderful woman I've ever known, and she's a wonderful Christian lady. Truly, we are SOUL-MATES. Been married nearly 4 years now and it couldn't be better.
Don't listen to all the horror stories - ours is a SUCCESS.
May God Bless, Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
PS - I'm 46 so don't let age scare you off!

<small>[ January 08, 2004, 10:44 PM: Message edited by: MadMaXX69 ]</small>

tossedwave,


--with the pain you are carrying, you may make some poor choices if finding someone else is one of your priorities.

TR--I agree 100%

--I can live alone forever if that is what path life takes me. I would love to share my life with someone but I do not HAVE TO.

TR--I think this is the point we all have to make it to, before we can truly be ready to meet someone--realizing we don't "NEED" to be in a relationship to be happy with our lives--

It's when we are happiest and most fullfilled in who we are as a person--we tend to meet that special someone--

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong> If you can afford it, skiing is an awesome place to meet men. Just make sure you ski alone so you can ride up on the chair lift with people. I meet all sorts of people and have had some great conversations! They all led no where because I wasn’t looking, but still…

Lunch is another place I’ve noticed men. I guess men don’t pack lunches. LOL. And then there are the construction sites. But have you noticed? All the men around me where shirts now. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but sometimes it’s not. I guess it’s how men felt when mini-skirts went out of fashion. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I notice that , too. Driving to work in the summer used to be so much fun because of the shirtless guys on the road construction crews, but now they have to wear those orange safety vests, and I guess the vests are more comfortable with a shirt under them. Now it seems like the only shirtless guys I see are the ones in my neighborhood cutting the grass who need to cover up-really cover up.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Wilson48:
<strong> Some things I have learned about dating over the past few years since my divorce:
- Dating takes skill. Good dates take effort from both.
- The only places I would accept meeting someone were places of my interest - church and the gym. Work was okay too. Friends should also help. Me personally, I don't go for looking for someone on-line. Bars were never an option since I don't hang out at bars.
- Dating in your forties is different than in your twenties. Women can and should be slightly more aggressive at this point. Traditionally it's up to the man to be the pursuer. That can be a tough task sometimes. Don't be afraid to approach a man and start to interact.
- There have been times where I have known a woman for only five minutes and asked her out. What is there to lose?
- Even if you are not attracted to someone and he asks you out, go anyway. Do it for experience. You may eventually become attracted to him. If you limit your selection, be prepared to be limited in your dating.
- Learn about good dating on the internet. What is acceptable and what is not. Dates do not have to be expensive, long or complicated especially the first one.
- Ask God to give you the wisdom and opportunity to find the right person. He will deliver, but He will not do the approaching and talking for you.
- If you want to honestly find someone, you must go looking for him/her.
- The effort is worth it.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Great advice, Wilson. Although I'm not sure I agree with the "dating in your 40's" quote. I think that people of a certain generation will have similar expectations. IOW, I'm 47 and have pretty traditional expectations...however someone who is 27 will have ones different than me, but we're both in the current dating world. I don't think it's a "dating nowadays" thing...I think it's a generational thing.

Just my opinion.

Well, this thread struck me as extremely funny, as I seem to have more men than I care to have!
I didn't have this much action when I was a kid (they are all between 45-50+).

I live in a very small town (7,000 - small to me). I go to an even smaller church in this small town (200+/- members).

In just the last 6 months, I have had three guys "interested." One, I know is NOT M'd, but he seems to be a little hot and cold, as far as faithfulness in following God. I don't really believe I could pursue a R with him. I have learned that lesson (w/xH).

Second one is M'd, but now separated, but always took his ring off whenever I'd sit near him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (He never let on that he was M'd, tho, just always talked friendly, I never gave any indication of being "interested")
Then last week, he talked about a nearby week-end "retreat" place, about 1½ hour drive away, where they hold christian meetings/retreats, etc. Said he attends many of them, said I should check it out. Hinted about how he brings his camper, and stays the whole week-end. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

The third one was also separated when I met him while we were both working on a "crusade" type activity through church. We talked and found out our stories are quite similar. He and his W have subsequently div'd. He then started coming on stronger and stronger. He's a nice enough guy, but at this point I am standing for, and believing God that my M will be restored.

I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANY OF THEM SERIOUSLY

Sooooooo, anybody that wants one of these guys, I'll cyber-send him to ya! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Someone said it seems like when you are not seeking them out, they kind of come out of the wood-work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lupolady:
<strong>Someone said it seems like when you are not seeking them out, they kind of come out of the wood-work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Already out and back in.

Woody