Hello Folks..Just would like some opinion and thoughts on this. Do you feel that if you fall out of love with your spouse, its possible to fall back in love with them with work and time? A few people say once you fall out of love with someone, you cannot fall back in love. I don't know if this is true...I would like anyone to please email me with your thoughts. The marrige is an 8 year marrige. no addiction/no abuse/no infidelity. Just some other serious problems but I would just like to know if its possible to fall back in love with your spouse when you fall out of love or is it hopeless and time to move on. Thanks
JTandSAM@yahoo.com

I'm not really sure that the true difference is between 'in love' and 'loving'...I've seen people say 'I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you'...I think is just a cop out. I think we really confuse 'infatuation'- A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction. An object of extravagant, short-lived passion. I think we mistake this for love. By it's definition, infatuation is fleeting. But, man, what a rush!<p>I think also that the media has played into it big-time and set us up for disillusionment. Now, love-that's the real thing...love is when (IMO)you want the same happiness for the person you love that you want for yourself. <p>And, to answer your question, I'm not sure we can ever recapture that first dizzy rush of attraction but a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.'which is how webster's defines love, now that is something worth working for. And I think you can work and keep those feelings alive. It just takes some cognizant work. It is very easy to take a loved one for granted. I think it would help if you looked at the Emotional Needs questionnaire--you and your spouse---it really helped me when we did it. I think if both of you want to make it work, you can.<p>Good luck. Post back and let me know what's going on.

My W wants to know if she can get the feelings back too. Post your success story for her benefit too, Thanks. Jerry (BS).

Not sure if you saw the replies on your other thread...<p>www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=006960

Dear DIDDALLAS, Jerry Weatherford, KAM6318...I posted my question in two spots and apprecaite your responses. You all gave me hope and a good look at different thoughts and opinions which is a good thing. We went on a shopping/dinner date the other night and really had a great time, got home and it hit us that we really have something good and worth working for..and I am hopeful that I can feel again and feel what is right. I think DIDDALLAS put it best. I think we are so filled with having to have this special "I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU THINGY" that it clouds what I feel is the really beautiful and real solid love and DIDDALLS described it best...a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.I think that its more important to have a sort of sentimental love which can be just as passionate as the other but a more real and solid love, lasting love, not being like the initial love generally is. I cannot tell you how much I have gained from coming to this site...and I just happen to stumble on it by accident...but I think things happen for a reason... :-) I am happy to have this site here to help guide me and talk with others who are feeling pain or need some direction. Its a great place. THANKS to all of you...who took the time to answer my question. I will keep you all posted as to how things are going. Sincerely, TNT4KPS
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{blush} Actually, I got my definitions from webster's but wholeheartedly agree....<p>I am sooo thrilled that you both feel your marriage is worth saving...what a Christmas present for both of you. <p>I think the media is partially to blame...gee, I bet Cinderella never had to change poopy diapers, wash dishes and cuddle a kid with a fever, make dinner and still be all sexy and lovey when Prince-y got home, do you think? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>A few weeks ago I took the ENQ and using that info, I decided to see what I could do each day to make my husband happy. Selflessly, expecting nothing in return...and sometimes that's just what I get. Yesterday he forgot to take clothes to change into after work (he was going to a hockey game with his dad) I got his clothes, left them in his car and expected him to be sooo grateful. Nada, zip, zilch. I was disappointed. But this morning he asked me to go see if his wallet was left in the car at work (I only work two blocks away) and when I got back he called and thanked me. I'm batting about 500 but it's good enough for today. I have tried to remember that I'm doing what *I* WANT TO DO with the goal of pleasing him in mind. If it pleases him, then that is my reward. It's working ok.