Greetings everyone,

I first posted here in December 1999 under lonelymom. My now exH had just left me and our 3 daughters age 7, 5 and barely 2, ...on Christmas Day.

There was no divorced forum, but there was General Questions and I read many familiar stories and began to make many new friends.

I've been through so much since I found this place, and many times early on during discovery of the affairs, this place was what kept me going.

I went through the affair, the divorce, a bankruptcy, dating, dating heartbreaks, college and ultimately getting remarried.

Well I just wanted to post an update that even though it's been 4 years, and my life has changed completely, I still think about all my old friends and how they are doing.

As I'm remarried now, I want to say that it is possible to meet someone who is compatible and have a very healthy relationship. I still apply the MB principles to my marriage, and I applied them when we were dating.

I never sat down and told him.."hey these are the principles, let's do this". But I told him about wants and needs and what my goals were for a healthy marriage.

Well I've been married over a year now, and we're still "in love". I'm not naive, I know that as time progresses relationships can change, yet we're going on 3 years now.

I honestly believe that these principals and simple things like holding hands, saying "I love you" when you come and go, having long talks about everything and nothing, and understanding that his needs are not the same as my needs make a huge difference in a relationship. I think the Harley concepts are the best.

I only wish I knew this stuff the first time around!!

Anyway, to the oldies who were here before the Divorced forum, and when I was known as "lonelymom" I still think of you all.

To the newbies, I am reading again, many familiar posts and it brings back many sad memories for me. You will find friendship, support and knowledge here.

I just wanted to say hi to everyone, and let them know I'm doing ok. I'm doing better than ok really. I love my life and I really don't have a fear that my H will cheat even though I would have never guessed I could say that out loud one day. Sure there are occasional triggers every now and then but those are my skeletons and a waste of time.

I just turned 31 this year. Some days I feel like I'm exhausted and ready to retire! Other days I'm fine. I have never forgiven my ex for all the crap he put me through, and I never will. He hasn't seen his kids except for maybe twice in the last 3 years and yet those first 6 months after he left, he insisted on taking them to OW house and to this day they are still messed up in the head over that.

By the way, my oldest is 12 now, an honor roll student, star soccer player and one of the most compassionate kids I ever met. My 10 year old daughter is also a star soccer player on her league, and a natural heartbreaker who tries to keep up with her sister. My 5 year old is now taking dance lessons and plans to take soccer again this summer. She just started kindergarden and is reading and writing!

The kids survived too. Most importantly, they are happy, healthy and normal kids. They don't care for their dad but some of their friends who's parents never divorced...hate their dad too. I think they survived from years of counseling and I think their anger was re-channeled into the sports. They are very aggressive but it makes them good at what they do.

Just wanted to say hi in case any of my old pals are here lurking about like I happen to be lately.

Hugs,
DanaB

DB,
I am so glad you checked in and gave an update. I didn't know you as lonely mom, but when I was in the just found out time, it was your name & "seeking joy" that made me stop my lurking & scanning quickly to give this site more time for the fundamental princlple to make sense.

I think the last time I read one of your posts you were so busy with classes. I now realize the importance of distractions from dealing with the pain of the A's. Yes, your kids sound wonderful now, but I know you & they went through a very difficult time. Hearing that you guys made it is so incouraging.

I can't even think about dating & remarriage right now.

I think I may have posted once to you almost two years ago , but I can't be postive of that. But one thing is for sure your login name made me take note of this site, & it has help me get through some tough times.

Thanks for the update. I am not exploding any more, but just enjoying bright spots that happen every now & then.

Vega

Aloha! I remember you DanaB and am glad to hear that you are doing well and happy. That is so great to hear!

I'm doing good too and visit this forum from time to time. I am exploring the world of dating again (had a failed relationship in the past year), and still hoping that I too can meet someone wonderful who wants to be in relationship with me as much as I want to be in relationship with him!

Thanks for checking in! God Bless!

DanaB - thank you very much for giving me hope - for letting me know that my girls can be ok - and better yet that I may find true happiness out there even after all of the crap I have been through -You are a true inspiration... I am sorry that my post may have brought back bad memories but for me it is nice to know that I can survive... Thank you again...

Hey Dana! My name changed also after the craziness.I used to post as "crazy or what" now I'm just plain ole Jillybean. I'm so happy for you and how your life has changed. Yes, there is alot of life out there after divorce. I was just remarried to a man I have been with now for 21/2 years. We are very happy together we just "fit".

So all of you new comers here there are alot of happy success stories here.

How ya' doin' Dana? I'm the same old, same old. Talk about no changes in someone's life, that's me. But it is good to see you. So to speak. And
it's good to know that life is being good to you.

Dana, Dana, Dana .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So glad to hear from you. Your life sounds wonderful. Gives us all hope for our futures post-D.

You've been through some pretty terrible times and shine like a bright star. You're blessed.

Thank you for letting us know how you're doing.

Be well and enjoy your happy life.

Lv,
Jo

Wonderful news! Dana, you've come so far and it's great to hear how things are going for you.

I'm too busy to date, so that aspect isn't even bothersome. The girls are doing well; just brought the older one home after 9 months of residential therapy. I'm moving ahead with a dream of getting out of CA in about 5 years and buying a ranch somewhere... in the meantime, am building a business where that may be less of a dream and more of a reality. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The years have flown by and I am sure glad that all of the court battles finally ended. Peace is definitely one of the most special things to happen.

Lori <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Dana!!

I was just thinking about you the other day! Talk about coincidence!

I'm glad things are going good for you!

My email's still the same tmcgreevy@earthlink.net or
mlmcgreevy@hotmail.com


Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello to all my friends and newbies too!

Vega - I'm really glad that I could have posted something that would make you stop lurking and start posting!! That is one of the reason's I post at least an update each year. I can't begin to tell you how much I love my life now. I only say that so that others would trust and know that I have gone through so many hard times and if you told me 4 years ago that I'd end up like I did, I would NEVER have believed it. Matter of fact, I went back and read some of my old posts just as a reminder of how far I've come because sometimes I tend to take my new life for granted. When I say new life I mean new marraige and new home. College was my ultimate savior as far as breaking the same old day to day junk and starting new. Relocating came next and that too was a big help. I hope anyone new here will trust that it does get better, it just takes a long time. And the harder you try to speed the process, the longer it takes. When you just give up, especially going to Plan B and all, and just trust in whatever faith it is you follow, things come together on their own. Thanks for sharing that, it made my day!

Ms. O - Aloha!!! How times have changed, I remember when you went from Mrs. to Ms. at least your first name wasn't as sad as lonelymom!! The failed relationship is probably normal. Although it would be great luck or a big blessing if the first dating experience didn't fail, but again, I think I needed that to really learn what I want. Sometimes after divorce, even if we don't say this out loud, we're so mad at our ex who betrayed us, we also want a new person in our life, either to prove to ourselves, or to them that we are worthy of love too. My first few relationships after D failed too. I remember how crushed I was. I keep referring it back to feeling like a teenager, the emotions are that strong when you get out there again in the dating world, but you know something strange? I can relate to my own teenager even better now because it hasn't been 25 years since I fell in love, matter of fact, I've been through it a few times in the last couple of years and it does hurt like heck!!! I do believe even when that relationship fails, it's not a failure. You learned about yourself, you took time to learn about someone new. You may have even been with someone totally different than your first H and that is a nice change, even when it doesn't work because you start to realize that not all men are alike. I have to say if it weren't for some of the men going through what I went through I would have sworn off men all together. I never really knew any guys who had custody of their kids, let alone did all the same things I did, like soccerparent, dance, etc. I'm sure you'll find lot's of good posts on the whole dating again topic. I would even like to see a new forum for it.

Maw64-Hello! No need to apologize, I'm glad I got had old memories. Some days I get frustrated over stupid little things, like a dirty cup in the sink when I just loaded the dishwasher!! Then I have to remind myself of the horror I went through one Christmas Day several years ago. I have tried to forgive my ex because everything I read tells me to forgive. That it's healthier. But then I keep thinking, he feels no remorse, so what good does it do to forgive? When I read other people's stories who go through similar things with that I did, I feel their pain. The good thing is that I still feel it because I don't really ever want to stop working on my marriage. Not that I didn't work the first time, but I certainly didn't have all the tools!

Jillybean - I read on another post that you were recently married. Funny how much changes when you check out for a little bit! I know you feel like me, it's hard to believe we got here. It's amazing to feel love, to feel "in-love" and find happiness. Even more so, you find a different kind of relationship after having gone through what we have, one that is almost to a deeper level than the one before. I don't know if I can explain it more than that, but I know that I know myself more now, I'm a stronger person and I can take care of things when I need to and not only that, I learned so much about needs. It does make a HUGE difference. Congratulations!!

Cinderella!!!- Hello! I saw your monster thread was still going!! When you started that I was just starting college and I never had time to follow it completely. Everytime I checked in you were having a blast! So you're the same, but you're surviving and that's what counts. I have the same email (webjunkie1012@aol.com) whenever you want to write.

Jo - Hello!! I haven't heard from you in a long time! Thank you for the compliments. I do believe I'm blessed but I sure didn't that horrible Christmas Day! Now I look back as a blessing in disguise. It has been a long hard road, one where I worked 60 hours a week for several years then going to college full time and staying up til 2am for homework. I regret pushing myself for the A's, but it's over and I did it. I don't know how I found the time to have a blooming long distance relationship through it all but somehow it all came together. The relocation was the final major healing turning point for me. It is good to be in a new place, making new friends and starting a new career. Even better a new life. I still believe I'd never have made it without finding this place. Although some of my ex boyfriends weren't happy that I applied MB principles on them!

Lori - too busy to date? That is the best place you could be!! You can't get out there and look, you can't get out there and get your heart broken, you just are taking care of business right now, and you have your goals. It took me 2 years to get to that point and when I could care less or couldn't find the time, my life hit a turnaround point. Even if you don't realize it right now, this time is so important for you, and I'll say it again, there still are a lot of great things about being single. Want me to name a few? If you don't shave your legs for a few days, no one will know! You can veg out on the couch with junk food one night after a long day and no one will judge you. You don't have to wash anyone's underwear, no toilet seat up. Find happiness in those little things because you will still miss them when you settle down again!

Last but not least....MITZI!! The first person I met here, and one of the few people I met in person!! Our ex's were SO similar it seemed like they were related! I'm so happy that things worked out for you, and you got remarried and found a job that you did well at. I was thinking of you a few months ago because I went through your area on the way back from Tennessee. I couldn't help but thinking, WOW, was my life different the last time I came through here!!

Thank you to everyone for writing. I'm glad that I could actually provide some kind of support and inspiration during such a difficult time. Helping other people was always the best part about finding MB.

Hi Dana,
New name, old me-willbok99 and I am so happy for you and your children. You desrve all the good things that come your way and more.
I finally divorced in Jan03. X married ow in May as there was no longer a reason why he could not. OW and X still intent on causing misery, chaos and conflict with me through the now "young adult" kids. I do not engage in any of this unless absolutely necessary and then only through legal means to get what my children are legally entitled to. OW even more nutty than X!!!
I am having a lot of fun dating,working as a consultant in the conflict resolution education field and being mom to my younger child until high school is finished in a year or so.
Life is wonderful, except for the disgustingly cold weather we are now having.

Hi DanaB/lonelymom! I remember you - you were posting waaaaaaaaay back when I first joined.
Thank you for sharing your most inspiring and wonderful story with us! Folks like you prove there IS hope and love again after the shattering heartbreak that brings so many people here.
Thank you again for sharing.
May the Lord continue to bless you, your husband, and your children.
Sincerely, Harold/MaXX

Dana,

You came thru here and didn't let me know?? Ya shoulda emailed or called, maybe we coulda gotten together again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Yes, things were very different then. And I'm so glad things have worked out well for both of us!

Love,
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Go Dana, Go Dana, Go Dana!

Glad to see you're no longer lonelymom. You're a MB hero! Congrats.

You and the children totally deserve all happiness in the world. God bless you and your kids, family and new marriage.