Well, my story is pretty simple, but pretty sad....... My wife cheated on me after only 3 months of marriage. I truly loved this woman, and she turned everything around on me and blamed me for the affair. I really did give her everything I possibly could. I filed for Divorce, and actually received a divorce FOR CAUSE (I live in Utah) of adultery. I thought that simple admission on her part would help me move on.

Instead, I concentrate on the things that I did wrong. I think of the mistakes I made. Yet I also seem to be caught in the hurt that was done unto me. All of this had pushed me into a very deep depression I can't get out of.

This had resulted in me losing my job. My father also just passed away. I have run away to the mountains, and now live in a very remote cabin. It has become an interesting place of refuge for me for awhiles to try and work out my life.

After all of this, how does one just forgive and forget and move on? I am having a very hard time dealing with this whole situation. I really believed in the marriage and to have it all torn apart like this leaves very deep scars.

Any experience here anyone????

Eric

Well, Eric, for starters I'd have to say that running away to a cabin isn't too productive.

You have to get on with your life, not run away from it. Meet your problems head-on, and you'll be better off.

For the depression, seek professional help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to a therapist or even getting anti-depressants. It also might help to talk to other divorced people...like here!

In general, just know that it DOES get better. I'm coming up on the three year anniversary of my divorce, and I go for long periods of time where my XW and that whole mess doesn't even cross my mind.

Hang in there, and know that there are plenty of people here who have been through the same experience, have survived, and moved on with their lives.

Well, I have tried the anti-depressant route..... It has so far just made me more depreesed in many manners. I have had persistant insomnia since this all went down. Today, I take Celexa, Remeron, Seroquel, Trazadone, and Choral Hydrate to make it through each day. Yet it only takes a little off the surface. It has kind of become a joke.

Oddly, moving to the cabin is the only thing that has kept me going. I have built a hydro-electric system for it to live off grid. I have fixed thing, chopped wood for heating, etc. etc. It has given me something concrete to work on.

I was a computer programmer. I was scaringly enough considered one of the best. But with all of this going on, I have a hard time concentrating on something so purely intellectual. Recently, I have begun to try and program again. The efforts have been pretty good, and I do hope to return. Sometimes, you just don't have enough energy to make it all happen. I guess that is how I feel.

BTW, she has a new boyfriend (after only 3 months) and is living the life of riley. I guess I just have a hard time understanding how all of this can work out this way....

Depressed....

Eric

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eric1234:
<strong> Well, I have tried the anti-depressant route..... It has so far just made me more depreesed in many manners. I have had persistant insomnia since this all went down. Today, I take Celexa, Remeron, Seroquel, Trazadone, and Choral Hydrate to make it through each day. Yet it only takes a little off the surface. It has kind of become a joke.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, on second thought, maybe you're too medicated!

I'm no professional, but I would hazard a guess that if you're on that many pills and you're still depressed, it is time to try a different route.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
Oddly, moving to the cabin is the only thing that has kept me going. I have built a hydro-electric system for it to live off grid. I have fixed thing, chopped wood for heating, etc. etc. It has given me something concrete to work on.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's good that you have something to work on, but I wonder...do you get out much? I mean, do you interact with other people on a regular basis? The reason I ask is that sometimes isolation can actually add to stress and depression.

My older brother (whose name happens to be Eric)has a home out on a few acres in the boondocks. He doesn't have much to occupy his time other than his place and an old tractor he's restoring.

Yet his stress level is so high he's been hospitalized twice in the last year! I suspect it is partly because he's up there all by himself with nothing to do but fret...and he hasn't even been divorced.

What I did was hang around people who had been through the same stuff. I leaned pretty heavily on two friends who had three divorces between them, and that helped a great deal. I also talked a co-worker through her divorce. They say misery loves company, and I think it actually helps to alleviate the misery!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
I was a computer programmer. I was scaringly enough considered one of the best. But with all of this going on, I have a hard time concentrating on something so purely intellectual.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know how that goes. When I was going through my divorce, I was part of a radio morning show. We were also considered one of the best, and had a list of awards to prove it. Of course, the job is all about being creative and funny, and any creativity or humor I had was pretty well destroyed. As a result, I almost got fired. Fortunately, I was able to switch to another job within the company (without as much creative pressure), and I've been happy to do that ever since.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
Recently, I have begun to try and program again. The efforts have been pretty good, and I do hope to return. Sometimes, you just don't have enough energy to make it all happen. I guess that is how I feel.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I know how that feels! I did lots of bland, pedestrian work at first, but my creativity began to express itself in different ways. Lately I've been doing stand-up comedy, and let me tell you, divorce can be funny!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
BTW, she has a new boyfriend (after only 3 months) and is living the life of riley. I guess I just have a hard time understanding how all of this can work out this way....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I read this, my first thought was "oh yeah? Well screw her!"

These things happen, Eric, and you can't spend the rest of your life worrying about the rest of HER life. This will probably be one in a series of boyfriends, and what seems (to you) to be the "life of riley" is really just a hollow fantasy.

My XW broke up with the OM she left me for after only 9 months. Within a couple of weeks, she'd found a new guy. When that fell apart, she found another, and while that has lasted a couple of years, I feel that it will ultimately fail.

Not because I have anything against him (I'm actually glad, 'cause she doesn't call me when her car breaks down anymore!), but rather because I know that it is another step in her perpetual life of "rebound" relationships...of which I was just one.

It doesn't really bother me much, because I'm too busy focusing on my new girlfriend, and I don't have the time to waste worrying about her.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
Depressed....

Eric </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This, too, shall pass...