Spent last month or so just going through holidays and did pretty darn good. It is great to see oldtimers like Dana B back...Congratulations..I hope to be in your shoes soon one day. And Cinderella, I couldn't get thru to your email address...said a fatal error when I tried to email you.

So? What's goin on? Job is going wonderful. I actually have gotten out a tiny bit and it's going well. Had a few days of feeling blue when son went with Jethro to Disneyworld along with OW and her son...The family image they are fraudulantly shoving at the world sickened me plus Disneyworld was where we went on honeymoon...She's the second OW he's taken to that place so it's kinda like rubbing salt into a healing, yet tender wound..But I am getting out of valleys so much faster now. Went to a new years' ball with some of my friends and we had a blast! Wore awesome dress and a few min. after midnight, this guy jumped in front of me and said "hey, why aren't you here with somebody? If you'd like, I'd love to dance with you and get you a glass of champagne." I said I was with my friends and that I'd dance. So I did. I danced. Maybe three songs with him but I wasn't interested. But that was huge and rather symbolic for me. Less than five minutes after new year, the first year I have truly been single, I get an offer to dance. One of my favorite songs is "I Hope You Dance" and I guess I finally did what the song said to do. Took long enough that's for sure. And next friday night am going out to very popular place with same group of friends (six of us..four girls and two guys). So I am attempting when son is visiting Jethro to start getting some sort of a social life now. But the big thing I can tell is that the guard is up really really high for me. Like rapunzel in a tower...A really high tower that she won't let any guy anywhere near unless she decides to let her hair down. Oh well, there's time.

Got asked out by a really cute P.A. with one of the practices I work with. I told him that I would love to be friends now and that I am in this new phase, a good one, and might do that but after being friends a while. So that's neat. But I am not looking for anything and am just happy that I am moving on. As for x? He's still destructive..Lied to OW and gave me his version of a Christmas "present" of 500. She has no clue. I feel kinda bad for her actually now. She's fixing to drop the baby in march and she has only a small idea of what is in store for her and her days of wine and roses are numbered. And x has gone off and shown his financial status...He has purchased within the month (is it any coincidence that it all happened within a week or two of judge signing papers?) a new convertible mercedes and a new navigator? Ironically the navigator is for OW..And can you guess what it is that I drive? A navigator. My second one I've had. So he has placed OW into same vehicle that I am driving, albeit newer. Isn't that the hilarious analogy? Like the car one? Same model, just a few years younger..Except she's nothing like me. But I emailed attorneys this week and informed them of his buying sprees and asked if they could now get a more accurate view of his financial picture as the decree stated clearly, as we had written itno it, that if he is in any way untruthful about his finances we can get what we need. I may have to wait a mo. or two, but that might be in order.

I hate to be that way, but my son deserves better. We struggle still, and my lease is due in a few mos. so I will no longer drive the suv..I keep modifying my lifestyle and x keeps getting richer. Sure it makes me mad, but it is not something I really focus on too much. I only think of it now and then and wanted to update here on what's happened.

Oh, this is hilarious...My aunt sent me a book "How to find a Husband after 35" using principles the author learned at harvard business school. I am finally reading it.

Somebody here has a question about how to meet men after a divorce. I think this book is good for both women and men. Gives good ideas. It is not a read for those who want hearts and flowers and stuff like that. It's tough and when you're ready to forge ahead and want remarriage or marriage in the first place, it's good. I am not there yet, but am reading and checking out the principles. Guerilla approach to dating.

And according to the book, I am way too much of a homebody. I have to get out three to four nights a week. This would be a fun thread. To see who does the book's principles and what success we have with it.

Just a thought for all of us who want to really move ahead and get on with life as we know it.

I see a few new people and would like to say sorry you're here on divorced, but you are among friends. We will listen when you want to rant or cry. We'll try to give advice to your questions or sitch. And we will try to lift you up if we can.

One thing I learned is that you cannot control the actions of the WS. They will do in the end what it is they want to do. Sure, it's fog, but it's their will. We have our will. We are only able to control us. Not them. And that's important to note. You can try all different things, but they must begin with you. I've also been reading alot of plan A and B for future needs..Hopefully not a need for plan B though. There's a bit too much emphasis on A of the BS working on them. The real nature of A is to work on BS, but also to sever the ties of affair. That means also exposing the affair and doing other uncomfortable things all the while trying to get WS to recommit to marriage. Just something to think about. I guess that I didn't do enough of that part of plan A and if I can help anybody out in that area, I hope I did.

But life's still a bit of a struggle, but I am struggling and putting a smile on my face and one foot ahead of the other one each day...and hitting the good sales to look cute on that journey ahead! You can do it.

Oops..forgot that ever important final line in my profile..

Went out and bought South Beach Diet...Get that last pesky 10 off for good! Joined diet club online at prevention.com for those doing South Beach.

Have decided new year, new life, it's time to move on ahead...Anybody else either interested in needing a diet buddy or reading that book I talked about earlier...or both?

Who'dve ever thought that 2 years later I could wake up and breathe....and smile again?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong> Oops..forgot that ever important final line in my profile.. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't tell me that it was 12/31/2003 ... I got mine 12/31/2002

-rh-

Me! ME! ME!

I want a great 2004! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I just found the list below peachy, and it just resonates with me. I hope you like it too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am going to print it out and look at it every day, because it makes such perfect sense to me. AND it was good to find it at such a time...I was about to blast the X for once again trying to manipulate me, this time by trying to talk me into letting CC come to my daughter's birthday party next week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . After I read this, I realised that nothing at all is gonna change that man, so I need to own the decision to just let him do what he wants, and stop trying to educate him about how he is going to lose his kids' love if he continually puts the new wife first...

LET GO...

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else...

To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another...

To let go is not to enable but to allow learning from natural consequences...

To let go is to admit powerlessness which means the outcome is not in my hands...

To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself...

To let go is not to judge but to allow another to be human...

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their destinies...

To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality...

To let go is not to deny but to accept...

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them...

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it...

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try and become what I dream to be...

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future...

To let go is to fear less, and to love more...

Well, that's it. Great to hear that you are doing so well, hun!

Love and light,

Jacky

Hey RH and Jacky!

And RH...Not even sure of the date of the signing...But it happened before NYE I can tell you...Guess NYE really marks the beginning of your new life huh? Cool date.

Jacky, Loved the words. Very very good. And I understand that. It's about moving ahead. And knowing and getting that we can't save our x's from themselves nor change them. I really have accepted that. I don't have to like what he's doing or did or will do. I am not in control of what he does. So that's good.

Went to dinner and did South beach diet. Ate grilled fish and salad. Realized that starches like the rice were more of a habit to me than anything else. Didn't miss the bread. Son had a blast. We went to Joe's Crab Shack. Had an awesome time. We're getting ready to settle in for the night and are going to watch "Pirates of the Carribbean" our favorite movie.

You two should check out the book I mentioned earlier. Although I am not yet 35, I think it's cool. If I put those principles into action, I will be finally seeing how the WS mentality is...the "it's all about me" phase. Except when I do that, it will only be when my son is visiting Jethro. Could be cool. In the book it says you have to learn how to "market your brand". I don't know what my brand is. You have to define this and I read and read about it. Still confusing. But I will figure that out this week. Have all the time in the world. For now, this is my little secret. I will master all the tricks and keep it in my mental rolodex until such date (sometime later this year) and whip it out and begin wreaking havoc on the guys in ATL. Poor fellows. But it sure will be fun. I am looking at this like one big huge science fair project. Seeing if indeed the principles work when applied. Kinda like chemistry and physics class, which I both did well in during college..At least I will have fun trying! I sure wish we could get our own place...a forum for those moving on and divorced and beginning life anew applying MB principles so we will never ever have to appear in the "divorced, a or b, or just found out" ever again....I am actually kinda confident about the future. Have accepted that things will be tight for a max of two years and then ok...And that's considering I stay single and don't remarry or have any other windfall from any future legal proceeding from Jethro (which I should get if he keeps on living and throwing his wealth around). Oh well...I can live two years without a Kate Spade handbag. There are always good knockoffs that a girl can find anyway. At least this time, I am not the one getting stretchmarks! While she's pushing out illegit child no. 2, I will be doing pushups and situps and my favorite class (latin cardio high impact) at the gym. And they will have three children (two all the time and mine every other week) under the roof all age five and under. How's that for a honeymoon phase? I cannot fathom it. I sure hope I find a nice guy one day with a simple life. I will have solitude. I shall have peace. I shall have more than one person I will date...and Jethro? He's got Family Values and her brood. ..Same thing he used to dislike was a screaming infant. And then a barely past toddler that's not his and his son who is needing even more and more hands-on time with him. He's stuck. Stuck like quicksand. And so is she. Talk about stress. Going from immediately a divorce and then driving home to your live in mistress...all in the same hour. Signing papers and going home and kissing your OW. How messed up is that? I am just glad for clarity now and for this new vision of what I want for my life and for my son's life. And my son is asking now "well when will we find a new daddy?" I say that he has one already and that his dad will always be his dad. Not sure why, but my son doesn't seem convinced that his dad is there for him, but I have a good idea possibly what might be contribiting to that.

My little fella is so awesome. He's so filled with love and curiosity. Despite all the poop I've been through I could not ask for more when it comes to him. He's my greatest blessing in the world..

For all those newbies here who are reeling from the pain of newly being separated or in the process of divorce, I am living proof that it is BETTER IF YOU WAIT TO DATE. I can say that one hundred percent. I have no regrets. My son respects me and will even more when he's a grown man. Know that I was faithful and that I am a person of my word and promise. Those are important. And yea, one day our x's will understand that. But that's not the deal. Plus having that time to work on me and heal is so important. Your kids need time and so do you. Plus you need to just recoil a bit and set back. Rome wasn't built in a day. But when you get through this, you will be better and stronger. You will also learn when to let go and when to cast off burdens you no longer need to try to carry. I still pray for x. I sure do. But he's not in my life now. He is somebody that is in my son's life and is the primary male in his life. If you were to ask my son who he'd like to be like when he gets big, he'd say either Indiana Jones or his uncle who's a doc. That speaks volumes. And when your child says it's time to start living, listen. He knows I am always there for him and he's more important to me than any date I might go on and that I am not going to get lost in any fog that might keep me from being his mom first. He's clear on that. And the fact he asked me to get on with things is neat. Deep down, I think he wants me to find somebody who will be there for him too.

It was kinda sad, but he said on friday..."Hey mommy..when we find a new guy, he won't leave this time. He's going to stay with us." I was speechless. I said that it didn't matter if we found anybody or not. That I was HAPPY JUST THE WAY WE ARE NOW..and that IT'S NOT THE SIZE OF A FAMILY THAT MATTERS. It's WHERE THE HEART OF A FAMILY IS. I told him that I am here for him forever. He then said "does that mean it's ok if it is just us like this always?" I said yea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Peachy -
My divorce was final Decmber 17, 2003. Can I join you on your diet? Is this one of those add powder to milk and drink twice a day types? Or is there a book to follow?
I am not sure about that other book you have - but it might be good for a laugh. Especially if we could get RH to join in on that whole "experiment".
I am looking forward to the new year. This afternoon, in bible study, we talked about spiritual goals for 2004. I said that my goal was to listen to God speaking to me, about what he wants for me. I know that God did not intend for me to be divorced, but I tried everything I could to stop it, and ended up divorced anyway. So now my life is an open canvas, ready to start new. No one else is telling me how to spend my money, when to go to bed, who I can date (as if). I still have 2 great kids to raise, but they are ready for a new year too. They are ready to see Mom happy again.
So lets do it!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by womanoffaith5:
<strong>Especially if we could get RH to join in on that whole "experiment".</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am in as long as it is legal ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

I am thinking that if I am going to buy a book called "How to find a husband after 35" I need to order it from Amazon, so it can come in the mail. I just don't see me walking into a book store, grabbing it, and going to the counter to buy it. Or better yet, asking someone where to find it on the shelf? Yikes. Just my luck the OW would come walking by right about then.
I will check online for the book on Monday and report back on its availability.
And RH - I can't promise it will be legal, but I can promise it will be fun!

Wow... Peachy is all I can say. Your post is so upbeat and positive... Good for you. I wish you many happy days..

Yes, you do sound upbeat.
I fully agree with waiting to date. Many of us need time to heal and learn who we are before we jump in again, and that is just proof that we are being responsible adults.

I am doing great too and enjoy my life.
Not getting out as much, but have friends now with whom I socialize.
So, keep enjoying life.

Peachy,
You sound good. I'm glad you are feeling so upbeat. Feeling it is half the battle you know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I was in the same spot following divorce. I wanted to get out there because I knew it was what I needed to do but I was still pretty raw. I took it real slow and that paid off. I considered it "practice". You know, the best thing to come of a divorce ... if you are going to say there can even be any good thing is that it's like a second chance for you. You are way smarter and way wiser to men in general and WAY wiser of yourself. God grants us those little mercies when we go through hard times and I suppose that is his compensation for such yucky things as divorce... wisdom. And WISDOM is no small compensation.
I was just thinking the other day that my ex was not the man at all that I kept thinking and kept wanting him to be while we were married. I projected my ideal of what I wanted in a man onto a man that didn't have those qualities. That was a hugh eye-opener in human relations ... learning the difference between what people really are and what I want them to be and finding the ones that match. Oh well, live and learn ... my dad use to say that the only true mistakes are mistakes we learn nothing from. And by learning from them we don't repeat them.

Peachy you sound great!! I am going to make this year much better. My girls and I moved in with my parents in October. I filed for divorce then also. WS and I also have to take a class before finalizing. He has dragged his heals on the DV but this has been almost 5 yrs coming and it is time! I have to face I will always love him, but I can't change him. I have been there so long and given him every chance. I am chomping at the bit to be able to sell our house and buy my own house (even if it is a shack) it will be mine. I don't know about dating. It makes my stomacge hurt when I think about it. My counselor told me she doesn't want me dating till I have been divorced 1 yr. So I guess I better get to it. Ha Ha!!

Hey...Wild day at work. Too much work today for sure!

But it's done and son and I are going for sushi! I am going to do the "Find a H after 35" approch and put on makeup albeit I am still in scrubs and labcoat. One of the premises is to look good whenver you go out in public.

And yea, you should be proud to go to that bookstore and let that OW see you buy that book. Show her who's moving ahead with life? You are. You're not crying in your diet coke. No ma'am.

This could be fun. Blew S. Beach diet and ate four peanut butter crackers @ work b/c I didn't have any time to go and eat lunch.

And yea, this would be great if Redhat joined us and we did for sure the science experiment and found out if it could work for a guy as well as a girl. Go RH...Get da book buddy...

Who's ready...On the mark, get set, go!!!We can start a little contest even...See who over the next six months can MOVE ON WITH THEIR LIFE FASTEST! How does that sound? What will we give the winner? Trophy or bozo button? I don't know. My goals: 1)lose that last 10 2)get son involved in spring sport 3)go on cool vacay with son 4)get a date and actually realize that I have a pulse again sometime this year...Yea, those aren't huge, but they're something...And then of course to become financially solvent after almost losing everything to a selfish a@s.

God wants us to move ahead. We've had our time wearing sackcloth and hanging our heads mourning. Time for dancing now. Time to turn our heads the other way and stop seeing where we have been and now focus on where in the heck are we going...And I am not being too rose colored glasses here either...We will have pitfalls. But they are just GROWING PAINS.

Am really going to enjoy this sushi guys! I love volcano rolls and double diamond rolls...But will eat green salad and no edamame as that's kinda starchy and unsweet iced tea. Tomorrow I go hard core on the S. Beach again. Easy day as I go to remote clinic and am just going to oversee quality control and repairs on medical equipment and they have NO PATIENTS scheduled for me...Yippee!

Sushi? hehehe in Texas we call it BAIT hehehee.
Peachy, glad you're doing OK.
You just keep hangin' in there and getting better and better!
Thanks for being an inspiration to the rest of us about the tenacity of the Human Spirit.
Harold/MaXX

Couldn't find the book on Amazon.com today. It gave me several thousand other books, but not that one. I searched for "How to find a Husband after 35" Do I have the title right? If so, who is the author?
I have to warn you that I have all ready had 3 dates with a man that I met recently, so that might be a small head start. Not sure where it is going though. Nice guy, with similar interests, seems to have a genuine faith in God, 2 kids, divorced for 2 years.
more later.....

I think my x must have memorized the book or something as I just found out about fifteen minutes ago he got married to the ho.