MB'ers
Last night WW came over to assess what she needs in setting up her apt and started moving stuff out. What an excrutiating ordeal...this is yours, this is mine, I need this, you want that.

I don't understand how we can be so amicable and accomodating during this process. Neither of us wants to hurt the other person, our care for one another's well being is another painful qwirk of this whole thing. I feel like part of me is being torn away. I guess because it is. We both feel very sorry for letting the other person down during our M. I wasn't the best H I could have been which led to where we are now.

We are heading for Dv, a gentle surrender as far as I can tell. Her emotional attachment to OM is very strong but she still looks like the woman I love/loved(?). It's hard to feel this, it's quite numbing at times. It's quite a disparity emotionally, she has a romantic person to run to meet her ENs, I kinda feel like I'm left holding the bag.

How do you handle your emotions of ripping your lives apart? How do you handle the logistics of yours/mine? Suggestions and sympath welcome.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't understand how we can be so amicable and accomodating during this process. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know how you feel. Some days I ask my self. "How can I still love the person who mislead me for 12 years and tore my world out from under me."

I guess the answer is just that. I still love her

I haven't gotten to your point yet but I'm heading there, also amicable and accomodating.

You do definately have my sympathy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">me - 28, ww - 26, no kids, married - 4y
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">your wife is a jumper, from relationship to relationship. . . you both are very yound. . . you still have alot of time to find yourself, and really find a nice relationship without alot of hindrances.. . . .

i would suggest speeding up the process. . . as much as it hurts, you are young, just let her go, and start living by yourself, and working on yourslef so that you know what type of person you want to marry a second time, and this starter marriage has given you some great insight...

use it wisely and don't squander it

wiftty

Wiftty
You may be right and I don't want to admit it to myself. There is a pattern of behavior that has emerged during these last months that indicates that that is the case. How did you come to this relationship hopping conclusion?

Thanks
RTRC

My counselor once told me this...Your xh is taking path of least resistance..He will lie to protect not YOU but HIS needsa and desires. If he doesn't rock the boat then maybe you won't go hard on him in divorce. Also, notice they will play on your feelings and pretend it's hard for them too...But is it so hard that they cannot stop sleeping around? That's what she told me. If this were really painful for your w, then she'd quit and see what she's doing and stop, change course.

Sounds like you are still in Plan A. If so, how long? Know about B yet? And unfortunately there comes a point where you cut your losses to protect yourself from the pain. That's B and for some it's separation, legal separation or even filing. And if she wakes up after applying a good plan A then B, then so be it. Remember you can only control you.

And it's wierd. They look like the person we used to know...well mine doesn't exactly because he dresses like he's fifteen...but the resemble the person that we used to live with and love. Their voices are the same but they use different words. I will never forget over a year ago when my x and I separated and my son had just watched "MIB"...the scene where the aliens take over the body of the farmer. My son said after watching that "mommy has daddy got an alien body?". Same premise. Have you also done the divorcebusting 180 list? For one week, the one eighty and plan B brought back the most severe of playboys and almost broke his gigolo will. It will probably work for others. I really know it can. X came home and read MB stuff and everything. Then he danced off into fog again.

But some do come back. I say realistically look at whether you're in a or b. And also add the divorce busting one eighty tips to plan A. They will think it's you being foggy. And if you want to have any chance of healing together instead of apart, try the MB approach for a while. Not too long, but for a while before you file. As some experts here how long to do plan A before resorting to B. They say it's usually longer for men to do plan A than women. It's what you want to do really.