My wife of almost a year and a half wants to get divorced. She told me on Oct. 22 that she wanted out. Since then, she has stayed out until three or four every morning on the weekends until Nov. 4. She came home at six in the morning and went to bed. I found her boyfriend's phone number and politely asked him to quit seeing my wife and calling her etc. then I told her to discontinue her relationship with him. I had done that on Oct. 22, but she continued to call him etc. After I called him, we argued and I tipped the mattress to get her out of bed. She got up, showered and we prayed together for the first time in months, she never wanted to. She called the police after she went to her friend's house to play basketball and I was arrested for "Domestic Disorderly Conduct" Now we are on a "No Contact" restriction and she has moved her boyfriend into my house with our son (he will be six in Feb.) She has been making a lot of enemies since he has "moved in" She was just elected onto the school board in our small town of 300 people. If you know how small towns operate, you know that she is public enemy #1. She even had the nerve to bring her boyfriend to our son's Christmas program at school AND CHURCH! Many, many people have called me to offer encouragement. I am grateful that they have. She has made it VERY clear that she has no interest in our marriage. I have biblical grounds for divorce and I am wondering if I should agree to it or if I should wait for this to pass, she has NEVER in our seven plus years together acted like this. My concern is that when she finally realizes what she is doing, should I accept her back, or should I walk away? There have been a few times when she has flirted with the idea of an affair, and I do not wish to be subjected to her childish antics anymore. I have an old girlfriend I have been talking to lately and I would love to spend more time with her (I have no intentions of becoming romantically involved with her until the dust settles) but I keep thinking that my wife may want to come back. I do not want her back and I struggle with what the Bible says about the "D word" I hate her public displays of blatant infidelity. I am sick of her foolishness. I wish I knew what the future held for me. I want to move on, but should I wait? And why? This is all very confusing to me. I wish I did not have to deal with it, but I have experienced tremendous growth both emotionally and spiritually because of this. I thank God for that.<p>[ December 17, 2001: Message edited by: Solitude ]</p>

Sol,
Yes, definitely move on with your life! But realize that at this point, you still love your wife--and you are still married. Put that old gf out of your mind and work on your marriage. Read everything on this site and try to save your marriage---it really is the best thing for you and your child. It sounds like your w is deep in the fog and oblivious to the consequences of her actions.<p>If you are not able to work it out...and I don't think God wants us to be miserable--only to give the sanctity of marriage the honor it deserves and sometimes the honorable thing to do is to end it...then you will be able to say you did all you could have.<p>Seek counseling--both from your pastor and a professional therapist--and do whatever you can to improve your life. For you...

Just because you have biblical grounds for a divorce doesn't mean that's the only way to go. There is also reconciliation possible. Don't rush into anything.
Stay away from your old girlfriend. You're asking for temptation there. A sympathetic ear can turn into a warm body pretty fast.
Do you have any idea why you wife is doing this or why she has toyed with the idea of an affair before?
Also, as supporting as church friends can be, personal information spreads like wildfire through churches and small towns. Be careful who you talk to and what you say. Reconciliation can be a lot harder if you know everyone in town has seen your diry laundry. Your church should be praying for your marriage without needing to know all the little details.
Have you been praying for your wife and (this is the hard one)her boyfriend? If you don't have a heart to pray for them, ask God to give you one.
Just remember too, the Bible says that being kind to our enemies is like heaping burning coals on their heads. Ask your pastor to explain how that works.
Keep your own heart right with God. He may need to show you changes you need to make.

First, thank you both for your advice. I am so glad that someone pointed this website out to me. I have not let the town know about her affair. She has. His truck is there every night; she brings him to public functions. She is the one airing her dirty laundry. There is no chance for reconciliation as far as I am concerned. I have no interest in her now as a beloved wife, simply as a woman that I vowed to take care of. Until the day the divorce is final, I will not allow her to try to come back into my life except as the mother of our child. If she would like to date after the divorce is final, there may be a chance that I would consider it. As for prayer for the both of them, they are both buried under a pile of burning embers. I do not pray for them to be happy or successful, I pray for them to be convicted of their sin (and it is sin) and repent. I am most concerned with the safety of my son. Last night I received a "death threat" in my e-mail box from this guy. Although he did not put his name on it, the source code contains enough information to point local law enforcement right to the computer that sent it. The same computer located at my wife's house. I do not wish to have him grow up in the same house that my wife's boyfriend is living in and making death threats to me from. I do not wish revenge on the two of them. Revenge belongs to our Lord and I will let him deal with the two of them. I have been spending a great deal of time lately praying for my self to be touched by the spirit when I make decisions regarding any personal or legal affairs that may arise (including my wife's affairs)
I have a long battle ahead of me and I know that whatever the outcome is the Lord will give me the strength to handle it.

Patrick,<p>I totally understand your anger but I am puzzled by something...<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>If she would like to date after the divorce is final, there may be a chance that I would consider it. <hr></blockquote><p>If you are totally through with her, why would that even be a consideration? And if you would consider 'dating' her in the future, why won't you consider saving your marriage? Just curious.

Patrick, I think you are misunderstanding me. Her actions are right out there for everyone to see. I honestly can't believe she has such nerve! What I meant was, you will have nothing to regret by taking the moral high-road here and NOT discussing it with a large number of people. The Bible tells us to bear oneanother's burdens, so it's a good idea to have a few trusted friends that you can talk to. You'll know they are the right ones if you feel encouraged and uplifted after talking to them. If they are praying for you and supporting you, you're on the right track.<p>When I said to pray for them, I didn't mean to pray for wonderful blessings. Their relationship cannot be a blessed one. But the Lord will handle their hearts in His own time. I was suggesting this, mostly, for your heart. It helps with the healing, it's helps with the forgivness that we are commanded to extend to others even when THEY have no desire for our forgivness.(and yes, I do know how hard it is to forgive someone just because I knew I had to)<p>I hope I'm explaining this the way I mean to. I don't mean to suggest that you pretend that what they are doing is right or that you approve of it in any way, but you sound like you're strong enough to rise above their actions and come out even stronger for it.