Wow, great thread! I have not posted in a while, but have been lurking for a few months. This thread really hit close to home. I too, have been "replaced". I am Catholic, as is my ex. I also, feel that his marriage to the OW does not have a valid basis. That is, it did not start out with a clean slate. It was brought about by lying, cheating, causing a great deal of pain, and at the expense of someone else who had a legitimate claim to the (first)marriage. I agree with Pat - my marriage to him began with only love, the desire to build a life together, and with no other person(s) in the picture at all. We were both totally unattached, and about a year past previous relationships. Whether or not his marriage to the OW "becomes" valid (in its own right) would depend on whether or not they both, in time, come to truly love and respect each other (and truly honor the committment that marriage requires), in spite of the selfish reasons that first brought them together. If not, then in time, the natural consequences of this choice will come to bear. I, too, believe that even if one repents of sinful behavior, that the consequences will not be removed. I do accept that he is now legally married to her. But I do not think that it began in a morally valid manner. And while I do not wish them any harm, I certainly do not wish blessings on something that has caused so much pain. If he were to divorce her (OW), and remarry someone else, then of course I could wish him well in that new marriage without any reservations. Whether or not his marriage to OW succeeds is certainly not my business, but if it fails, I will not pretend to be upset or surprised. I find it hard to believe that God would choose to bless something that started in sin, resulted in great pain (and not just for myself), and for which no atonement has been made. He has not apologized in any manner for the pain his actions caused me (they are more than just the affair). But I have forgiven him for the pain he caused me. But as far as his adultery goes - that is not mine to forgive. A power greater than me will decide if his sin should be forgiven. Whether he has repented in his heart or not I do not know. I have seen no evidence of it yet. For me, atonement would be a sincere apology for the hurt he caused me, and an acknowledgement that his poor treatment of me and his affair were wrong, and he is genuinely sorry. I am not holding my breath, though, waiting for this to happen!!!!
