So far EX has been OK as far as avoiding me. Once recently he was here visiting children (my kids are all older) when I got home from work. He knows what time I get home but continued to hang around sitting at my kitchen table like he lived here. I told him it was time for him to leave, he laughed and hung around a bit, I know to piss me off.

The biggest problem is how he comes over to mow my lawn and plow the snow. I know Im stubborn..but I dont want him doing it.

He abused and raped me..anyone else wouldnt want this monster around if they went thru what I did. I dont want to have to say thank you to him for anything. I have 3 boys, a 19YO daughter and myself..we can manage.

He just wants to come use the lawn tractor he left behind. I told him before I dont want him here, he cant pick and choose what part of this life he left behind.

It's the only thing he does to feel like a worthwhile human..but then again thats all he ever did in regards to the upkeep of this property. 8 years and all he did was mow the lawn..and break everything else. But thats OK...as long as it looks good on the outside..never invite anyone over into our private hell. Anyway, like I said we can manage. I have done alot of repairs to things he let go and we are better able to manage the upkeep, since we are not involved in the "upkeep" of the dysfunctional-alcoholic lifestyle.

But I dont want him here plowing my snow since it looks like it might snow soon..any suggestions? I tried locking the tractor key in my bedroom, but I then found out he had his own key made.

Also, I am trying to sell this lawn tractor to pay my legal bill. Any takers who live in NJ????

<small>[ January 14, 2004, 09:21 AM: Message edited by: sunrise1 ]</small>

Would it be possible for you to arrange to have these things done before he gets the chance.

Get out there with your kids and the shovels before he can get there with the plow.

Show him that you don't need him or want him to do it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Any takers who live in NJ???? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even if I still lived at home, my yard isn't big enough for a tractor <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes, I'm in NJ.
How big is the tractor, and does it have a snowplow attachment? Age etc.
I have a service now, but need to take responsibility.
My X operated a lawn care & snowplow business from our old house, and still refused to mow or plow the property. It took a court order from the judge to get him to do it.

I know what you mean about the outside looking nice. X ignored the inside of our house, even blamed me when a cabinet broke. Now I notice that he's fixed all those things that were broken for 6 years. He did nothing inside ever before - I'm curious why the inside matters to him now. The linoleum curling up in the kitchen didn't seem to bother him before.

LOL..I didnt really think I would get tractor responses here.

I live in south jersey..near Glassboro. I advertised in Courier but I think I need to advertise in a more rural paper. I also found a new internet site to advertise for free so we'll see where that goes.

Lawn tractor is 25 horsepower Craftsman, 48inch cutting deck with snow plow attachment and snow chains and cover. It is about 3 years old, asking $1800
As afr as shoveling before him..he seems to jump on the task..maybe it is an excuse for him to come over, Kids got better at doing the lawn before he could come but frequntly he would come before we got home from church.

My youngest is upset that I want to sell tractor..he doesnt mind the grass cutting with it...but I have that legal bill to pay and dont know any other way. My neighbor did say that he would have his friend who plows his driveway take a swipe at mine when he comes to do his (mine is a circular driveway, so isnt hard to take 1 trip around)My oldest boys had a lawn service for many years, so there are a couple of mowers to use, and is good exercise.

If I dont sell it, I guess that is a sign from God that he will provide another way for me to pay my law bill.
Smiles,
Dawn

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 09:35 AM: Message edited by: sunrise1 ]</small>

OK, its too big and rich for my blood.

Let him plow if he wants.
At the old house, I was blessed that the neighbors took pity on me and came by with their tractors & backhoes in the winter.
They'd laugh that X would plow his driveway, but wouldn't plow the house driveway.

If you don’t want him coming over, tell him so. Tell him that if he so much as sets foot on your property without your express permission regarding time, date and length of stay, you’ll have him promptly arrested for trespassing. You may have to invest in some lovely orange no trespassing signs.

And you may want to consider using some of the money to buy a great big Rottwieller or a lean Doberman. In general, I’ve found Dobermans meaner and scarier. A nice scary dog would make me feel a little safer.

PS: I’ll throw in two smaller mowers that half work as part of the package. I’m out toward Lancaster PA.

I was really wishing I had that snowplow this morning as I shoveled for 1.5 hours. The kids were off school today for a snow day.

GG, remember that I HAD the world's sweetest Rottweiler, so I would never think that breed could scare anyone off.
The girls want to bring the dog to our house to visit. They must've asked their father because they said daddy told them the dog couldn't ride in cars. SO much for shared custody of anything.

Sunrise1:

I di nit need a lawn tractor...lol..but I was fascinated to learn tnat you live about 15 minutes from me.. I live in Pittsgrove...just a short run up 553...amyway..I'll check aorund my meighborhood to see if anyone here needs a lwan tractor...there are lots of weekend warriors here....by the way..there is a lawn tractor repair service Called Lakeside Lan Equipment and Repair...he might but it from you..or at least you can ask him whay a reasonable number is...to be honest...$ 2,500.00 for a three year old,48" Craftsman is a bit high..unless it is a Garden Tractor..in which case it is worth more...call around to various lawn tractor retailers and ask them what they'd give you...and add 25 %-35% to their number...also...find out what engine it has in it...A Kohler is worth nore than a Briggs & Stratton...jusut trying to be helpful

O lord...sorry about my atrocious spelling...I look like a blithering idiot... I didn't edit it before posting

Thanks Gregg..Yes I belive it is a garden tractor, would be cool to find it worth more..as 1800 wont cover law bill totally

Ex works at the fine den of iniquity near you otherwise masquarading as a prison with fine teaching facilities, with ultra-upstanding pillars of morality teaching the prisoners how to lead a moral life..NOT

Newly..Sorry, we didnt get alot of snow..In fact my broom was enough to handle the sidewalk out to the driveway

Smiles, Dawn

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: sunrise1 ]</small>

Thanks Gregg..Yes I belive it is a garden tractor, would be cool to find it worth more..as 1800 wont cover law bill totally

Ex works at the fine den of iniquity near you otherwise masquarading as a prison with fine teaching facilities, with ultra-upstanding pillars of morality teaching the prisoners how to lead a moral life..NOT

Newly..Sorry, we didnt get alot of snow..In fact my broom was enough to handle the sidewalk out to the driveway

Smiles, Dawn

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 09:40 AM: Message edited by: sunrise1 ]</small>

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM in MB trouble for the double post SORRY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Gregg..I just read some of your old posts..I never saw your name her..anyway I have been busy in school last semester so I was out of touch a little here.

I missed the Dave and Busters thing <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> How did that go?

Last year some of us got together in NYC and we had a great time. I would have gone to D&B
Smiles,
Dawn

Hi Sunrise,

You have a few options. First, I would suggest changing the locks. My ex refused to give me back keys to the house so I went in court and requested he pay for all the locks to be changed. I got the money called a locksmith and had everything changed. Next you could file a restraigning order. I am not sure why you do not have one now. The last time I saw my ex was when he attacked me and my Mom the day after Christmas. I went straight to the court house had a restraigning order against him. It is for the rest of his life. It is part of the criminal plea bargain he agreeded too when he broke the restraigning order. I am very blessed that New Hampshire law is very fair to people in domestic violance situations. It did not hurt that the judge who heard all 20+ court sessions was the judge who wrote the NH mandate for spousal abuse. He is a very fair and just man. Plus I found a law clerk who was very helpful. And the domestic violance criminal leagal team were amazing in their pursute of getting justice for me. They allowed me to decide at every step what I wanted to do and acomplish. I actually went not to have my ex serve jail time but to be court order for therapy. He is not charged with having to attend and meet with a person who follows his treatment. I was my own lawyer throught the entire thing. My costs were about $200USD while my ex's costs were well past $25,000USD. If you are not prepaird to go through a restraigning order might I suggest you send a seese and dissit order via registered mail. I know you are worried about paying legal costs but you might be able to find a draft letter and write it up yourself and have the court send it. Talk to your county clerk. They are a wealth of information and can even lead you to battered women's centers who can help. You ex is tresspassing and if you do not wish for him to be on your property than tell him and have him arrested. But change the locks above all else.

I did change my locks..as soon as lawyer told me I could. It was not the top of the line, but was a quality lock. About a month later the lock didnt work right and we bought a new one. Several months later the lock is not working right (I can unlock the lock with any key..actually can unlock it with just about anything) So now I need to buy still another one. My friend will install it for me this week.

I thought it was odd that 1st lock broke so soon, but now that it has happened again I wondered whether my ex broke into the house at some point. A lock will no stop him if he wants to come in.

I have no restraining order yet, last time I was alone with him he raised his hands to hit me and called me nasty name (and my daughter was nearby to see and hear)So I avoid him as much as possible. Next time he threatens me in any way there will be a restraining order.

He is definately a psychopath but ok..even genial when things are going his way. Right now he is on good behavior and is now engaged to OW. But I dont kid myself that it will last too long. Once he realises how much child support alimony is costing him in the long run he wont be happy too long and he will start being forceful again. Then there are his addictions that are constantly rearing their ugly heads. Then there is the fact that is is still delusional about the extent of the childrens animosity towards him. That will sink in eventually, and of course that will be my fault too.

So......I am being very watchful and careful.

Right now the only time he comes over is to see kids for a few minutes when they get home from school (maybe..2X a week) before he goes to his night job..and before I get home from work. But then.. he just shows up to mow grass or plow snow whenever he feels like it.

In the summer he showed up to change his oil!!! Went into the lawn shed was working in the driveway like he belonged here. I told him to change it somewheres else next time. He hasnt done that again

You might want to try www.bargainnews.com.

It is a Connecticut paper, but if the $ is right, someone might be willing to travel to New Jersey for a purchase...

A family member of mine works for the paper. If you want to submit an add, you could also send it my email and I could forward it to that person...

Dawn:

I never made it to D& B's. I was anxious to go...and had committed to it...but we had a family issue arise..and we had to travel out of time. LOL...on the Den of Inquity.

I had posted here frequently during 2002 & '03, but as the situation and my goals for the marriage changed....I asked for less advice..and started giving more... I was here almost everyday either lurking or posting....great site...terrific people...so I infrequently stop in...but anyway...as for your tractor..call around for retail pricing...Craftsman products typically garner less than say a Cub Cadet...you should also check Sears new tractor pricing for the one that most resembles yours...specifically engines..cutting widths...etc..don't price it more than a new one or you will get no responses...you can also advertise free in a paper called the Cumberland County Reminder...has a circulation of 25,000...so that might help you too..it's a neat little rag...anyway..take care

We missed you that night, we had 4 women attend.
Who wants to try something again? (after winter).

Sunrise - my X did the same. Not to work on things here outside. I have always done the lawn, snowplowing with the shovel. He doesn't like doing outside stuff. Never has, and when I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I was out there shoveling and then we have pictures of her laying in the snow all wrapped up in millions of blankets while I was shoveling. Also, that day X did shovel.

I was out cutting grass with my 3rd child, the day I went into labor. Cause if I didn't cut the grass it would of been 24" tall.

My x doesn't come over to do outdoor chore things, but comes over to play games with the kids and watch TV with the kids. I am never asked to participate so I just go to my room. Or I will call a friend.

I have asked X to not come over unless he calls. he is getting better at it, but still doesn't do it 100%. One he hates to be told what to do.

It is very hard for kids when they are older. Cause they had a family unit, and now the unit is broken. My kids are all going their own way, and it is okay. Just will be difficult as they grow older and deciding who to go to for holidays, or who to invite over for the holidays.

I was told to change my locks. But once again, the kids would let him in. So I decided to not waste my money. I am dealing with hearts broken and much pain with my kids. X doesn't have to see it, as he lives with his mother. And he lives in fairly tale life. He still thinks that marriages do not need to be worked on, and still thinks that he and the other woman have everything. Life will show him the truth, that his other woman is nothing but a sexual psychopath.

If I was you, I wouldn't mind my x coming over shoveling the snow and cutting the grass. It would be pleasant to see that he still wants to help with the outside of the house looking nice.

As the same as you, our house was never finished inside and now this is my house. I am not finishing the inside, and just going to sell it as is. We had leaks for about 8 years, and the leaks did get fixed by me doing the calling. I have a downstairs bathroom that the drywall is all tore out, and needs to be fixed, as well as the shower, next thing on the list. And this has been a problem for about 5 years. Plus we have wires hanging with bulbs. Never got around to putting fixtures up. But I have had the kids get some of them done. I bought fixtures at garage sales. This house is a sort of fixer upper house. Has a good size amount of property with it. And shold of had a garage built. Realtor said that would of been nice, but now it will be for the other owner to build one.

If your X wants to come over and snowplow my driveway, he is WELCOME. My house sits back 250 feet back from the road. Plus we have a circle drive beyond that and parking places. So we have a lot to shovel with a snow shovel. I have a snowplower, but it is broken, X left that for me, nice but the engine is seized up. Could of used it, we had about 6" of snow.

One thing that you could do, is set boundaries that he only come over between certain hours of the day. That may give him the idea that okay so I only have 3 hours to get things done. Then that way you could leave, take the kids and go for lunch or shopping, or to the movies.

I haven't done a great job at setting boundaries, cause I am tired, so tired of fighting all the time for my life. But many X's don't respect their xwife, and will not listen to their requests.

Sunrise,

you can purchase cheap CCTVs and video tape him breaking into your house. Then you will have proof for court. If you want it to stop you will probably have to find legal ways to get him to stop.