Hello, just want to say this site is great, I have no one else to talk to about my situation. So here goes. (Sorry it is so long)
Married 8 years, have 3 son's one Step son 13, and two of my own, 6, and 2. Since the birth of my last son, my Wife and have lost touch. During the preganacy, I said things that I should have never said, and will regret the rest of my life. I never really knew how much I loved my wife until after my last son was born, and how I could say such things was beyond me. I believe in my heart that is when my wife started falling out of love with me. November of last year she came home from work, and told me she did not love me anymore. I was devastated to say the least. We have seen marriage counselors and she was diagnosed with Moderate depression, and he prescribed meds, and they never seemed to help. During this time we thought to work things out we should sell our home and move closer to her family to start fresh. We sold the home very quickly and were left without a home, so we had to move in with my Sister/Brother in law in July 2001. This has been very stressful for us both, and we had not anticipated being with them this long. But as of today, we are looking at being in our new home by February 2002. It seems that we are back where we started this time last year. She told me this moring she just did not love me the way that I love her. I see emotionally she is up and down. This past weekend was a down for her, and it's got her thinking things will never be good for us. I asked her if she thought being in the new home, and her going back to work would help, but she just did'nt know. We never get out by ourselves anymore, and we have no privacy, we are also strapped for cash, so going out to dinner is tough. There is so much more to I could put in this post, but it would just take too long. Anyone else ever been in this situation?

Through some poor decisions on our (read "MY") part, my H and I have gone through some very hard times in the last two years...at times it seemed like nothing was ever going to be right again...<p>The good news is that things are better now! And things will be better for you guys once you are in your new home..altho I know it seems like an eternity away right now. <p>Try to make some couple time...it doesn't cost anything to take your w to the park and hold her hand while the sun goes down. Take the kids for a happy meal and watch them play. Sit on the porch and tell her what plans you have for your new home. Just talk, keep talking...it's the most important thing you can do.

Well my holidays were a complete ordeal. My wife again has told me she does not love me anymore. I moved in with my Dad and Step-mother. My children don't understand, I don't understand. <p>I guess it's time for me to move on. I don't think I can take this anylonger.

Oh, don't give up yet!! Things are really hard for y'all right now--but may be much better once you are able to have your own home and privacy again. Just look at this as a temporary stress-reducer.
It's obvious you love your wife--and kids. Don't be so ready to give up. Just take a deep breath and give her some room for a while.
Within the last month, I realized that I wanted to make my marriage a happy one with my husband and set about to do it. It's been difficult at times---you know how people say when you get married, you become one? That's not true! You are still two people with two different personalities, opinions and dreams...maybe they are similar even but no two people are alike. We are all beautiful, individual snowflakes! So, I make a conscious decision every day to see what I can do to make life a little easier for my h---things from sharing yardwork to something as simple as sitting by him while he plays video games to relax and not complain about it. Like a big sign in our local constable's office says "Attitude is everything."
I don't know if you've been reading this site, but I encourage you to read everything here. It's full of wisdom and shared experience and I have learned so much from these wonderful folks. <p>Remember, we are here and we care.

Dallas is right about the park. Take the younger kids with you if you need. They will play and you can just sit with your wife. Even if you don't or can't think of anything to say it will be a feeling of space for her, one that you are connected with. When you talk to her, tell her about the things you want for her and you as a couple. Not things that seem impossible right now, but rather things like being happy together.
Talk about your old age. Talk about how you know things will be better when you have some space and time to be a family again. (They WILL you know.) Tell her that you know how hard things are for her. And tell her how much you love her.<p>It may also help to do this every day. On a regular basis. Especially at a time when everything else seems so 'up in the air'. Anything that's dependable, even a walk, can be a great comfort.<p>Don't give up yet. Things WILL get better. If you have made it through to this point, you at least owe the better times a chance, together.<p>In the past, My wife and I have completely lost feelings of love for each other and we have found them again. Many of the problems that we still face are due to bad choices we made during the times when we were lost.<p>Read other peoples experience here. You will find a lot of empathy and a lot of hope. Hang in there. At times the 'One day at a time' principle is the best. Make today the best day it can be.
Try to identify just one little thing that can make your families situation better and figure out a way to accomplish it. Every mountain is climbed 6 inches at a time.<p>Peace to you.<p>[ January 08, 2002: Message edited by: saythewords ]</p>

It doesn't take money to spend qulity time with your wife. I have begged my H to spend time with me. It means so much to just go for a quiet walk, take a drive, watch the stars, hold hands in the park, whatever...as long as it is just the two of you. Talk about the things that were special when you first met, started dating, got married, etc. Try to steer away from the problems in your marriage, with your house, kids, etc. The stress of daily living, mistakes made, words said in anger, never being "alone" together all take their toll on a relationship. If you want her and her love back "MAKE" time for just her and that love. She may be desperate for it but won't say anything. I feel like I no longer love my husband like I used to. I have asked for all the things I've listed above & he has yet to understand why I need them or want them. People tend to let their problems and everything else in their life take over, they forget each other, themselves and their feelings. Daily life and daily problems will continue on regardless. If you want it back...show her you want it and then show her by action and words. Make time for just the two of you. Have you forgotten how exciting it can be to make out in a car???????<p>Lizabeth

Thanks for the words of encouragment, but I have talked to her about our children and our future, and growing old together. She just will not think of trying to get through this. She refuses to talk to anyone, or think about working this out. I can't make it work by myself. She even told me the other day, that she has felt this way since our 5th anniversary(married 8yrs). Can't remember how I screwed the 5th anniversary up, but I guess I did. Thing is I we had another child during that time, and I have tried to do so many things for her. I feel betrayed. If she is unwilling to get help, I have no choice. I pleaded with her to listen and think about it. But since she is living with her Sister and Brother-in-Law, she does not have to speak to anyone about the current situation. Her family including her mother told me they did not want to get involved anymore. That was a blow because they are Christians and know that we should be trying to make it work, but they have just thrown their hands up in the air. They just keep sheilding her, and not make her listen to reason. My family is not much help either, espcially my Dad, he just does'nt ever think it will work between us. I am having a really hard time with this, so I appreaciate having this outlet to talk about it. Thannks and pray for me and my family.

It is so scary to read your post because I feel I don't love my husband either anymore. I feel sick as I think how you must feel if divorce is going to happen - the thought of not being with my kids everyday, every holiday makes me physically and mentally ill.
I wish I had the magic words for you. My H will not go speak to anyone, and says it's a waste of money. Because of that, I read the message loud and clear: our marriage is not important, nor is the pain/feelings I feel within the marriage. As a result, I have lost respect and feelings for him.
I am sorry this is happening to you, and please know that you are not alone - there are many (saddly) people in these types of situtions.
Take care of you -

L8Braker,
Have you tried plan A'ing? Pushing hard to meet her needs including telling her you want to make things better? That feeling of love can return by doing this. I know it can. It did for my Wife. She was thouroughly convinced that I did not love her and as a result, had no feeling at all for me. And now, I see why. We still have plenty of problems that we work on, but realizing that there is love there was the first step for us.<p>Once you rediscover that there is love to share, you can go from there.<p>If your've really done you're best with meeting her needs and this has not worked then plan b involves seperating. This seperation is not an ending though. It's just a different way of allowing her to re-discover feelings for you. The goal of both plans is to learn that the relationship (ie marriage) is the first priority.<p>Hang in there. And when you mess up, then fess up and keep trying. It can work.<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: saythewords ]</p>