Hello,<p> This site is great, and its wonderful that we have place to come and educate ourselves about these issues. I've got a doozy and I need some help, I never go to people for help with this, but I'm tired of suffering alone.
My husband and I have been separated for about 2 yrs now, its hard to believe that 2 people who had gone through so much and have a wonderful child, can act like this, but here it is.
2 yrs ago, I was working 70 hrs a week, struggling to support us, I made the decision with my husband that he should stay at hone and watch the baby, we agreed that whoever could make a better income should go and work.
This worked for a while, but we had existing problems that took their toll, for one we lived w/his mom, and she made my life a hell at times so I already resented him for that, I felt he should have insisted we get our own place. We were victims of her emotional highs and lows all the time. She allowed her nephew to come and live in a house that was already in an uproar and too small for one more person. He didn't pay any bills or rent, I was killing myself to provide and pay the house bills. He brought the computer with him and that was the beginning of the end.
My husband became obsessed with it and was on chats into the wee hrs of the morning, I logged in under him one morning, I admit I had a bad feeling, and in 5 seconds all these women were IM'ing him, saying things you don't say to a married man, and I'm sure they had no clue he was married, he started getting up late, lost interest in everything, I of course burnt out from working myself to death and our kid, was in no mood to deal with this, I confronted him and he swore everything was fine, we had not had a healthy sex life since before we got married, I had lost all attraction to him, he never put himself together and taking a shower everyday was a challenge, I thought he could have done way more to provide and he was too busy in make believe world w/the internet. He lost all interests in me and did not want to really hang out w/me and the baby anymore. I knew what a great guy he could be, I had known him for a long time, we had been friends first. He blamed it on lack of sex, but never looked into what he could have done to make it all go downhill. I was ill many times and that did not help, we both were shadows of our former selves, stress had pulled us apart in every direction. I believe that if we had our space this could have been avoided, because he would have felt like he had control over his life. I finally got the strength to walk out w/my kid and went to live w/my mom, he and I made some efforts to reconcile, he would come over to my mom's apt and we would let his mom watch the baby so that we could have some time alone, and it went well. He agreed that we should get our own place, but I felt like it was all a dream that would never come true. I wanted to believe it could, but I always felt like I'd be the one working myself to death, and he would not care and bills would not get paid. I finally asked for a divorce, he was very upset, but a couple weeks later he had some girl he knew over and slept w/her in our bed. I came in to get some of my things and just knew, he admitted it later. I was crushed, to say the least, but he ended up being with a girl he knew from the internet, saw her once or twice, now she may want to move in w/him and his mom, and that has got my blood boiling, he needs to focus on his kid and providing for her, he has not been doing very well with that, he does love his kid.
She was supposed to come for Christmas from L.A., but I was totally stressing over the inevitable first meeting. I had a relationship myself, but I never really cemented any plans with him. My husband and I are still married, I cannot afford a lawyer right now and neither can he. I still love my husband and miss him, we have both grown and have reclaimed much of our physical appearance as it once was, I don't have a clue about how he feels about me, we are close as friends, but I wish we had more. I'm very happy about the time we have had apart, it has meant maturing in many ways, I'm totally confused and I never want to go back to what it was like when I left, but I miss my husband, or is it the idea of him I miss? Please help me, any advice is welcomed.<p>Thanks<p>Wendy
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Hey Wendy! I had the same sort of thing in the mid-70's. Found out it wasn't the wife I missed so much as the idea of having a wife. 2 years apart is a long time. does he feel like trying again or is the GF all he wants? Bottom line is what do you want? Do you want your husband back or do you just want a husband? If you want YOUR H back this site tells you how to do it. Keep us posted. Jerry.

First off, you should not work your butt off for him to sit at his MOTHERS house, communicating that way with other women! Sad but true, the only thing I hear is "LOSER" If you can pay the bills at his moms house, you can pay them at your own! Stay with your mom, save money, and when you feel stable move out and move on. I would cut off all contact except where our child was concerned. If you honestly want it to work, have him do the same. Does he have a job now? IF so for how long? If not, thats the first step. If he wants to be with you, tell him he MUST change. Get a job, keep it for X amount of time, move out of moms house, get his own place, and keep it for X amount of time. Pay the bills, etc......<p>just FYI I read something about filing for divorce yourself said to go to any search engine, type divorce, find forms, and complete yourself. Also mentioned web sites about stae fees? Sorry, dont remember all details. <p>Good luck !<p>hcooper