Here goes, recently my wife told me that she was unhappy and is not in love with me anymore. She also said that she can't go on like this and she doesn't want to try anymore. She's in love with what was my best friend. I now know many things that I didn't know before, like I haven't been meeting her needs and that I was pushing her away. I was a jerk and I now know that. She's been totally honest with me and we are now talking and working our problems out, but she loves him and doesn't want to try with each other anymore. I get the impression that she's confused and doesn't really know what she wants. She says that she still loves me, but she's not in love with me. Initially she was pushing really hard to get a divorce right away and now she's not. PNow we're talking and getting along really good, but she's in love with him and he makes her happy, so she doesn't want to work on us anymore, she says things like "good things come to those who wait" and "it's not impossible". So if she thinks that it's not impossible and if I wait then what does that mean? Is she trying something new and seeing where it goes and if it doesn't work, going to come back to me and work things out from there? What am I supposed to do? I'm confused, what she says and does shows me that she still cares and still wants for it to work, but she still at the same time, says that she still wants the divorce. Any clues here? Any ideas? Please help, I'm lost and confused and don't know what to do. Should I just let her go and see what happens or should I beg her to come back? She's told me that she likes what she sees in me now and that she's seeing the person that she married, so why doesn't she come back and work things out? She tells me that it would take too long to work our problems out. I want her to be happy with or without me. That's always been my goal, but I know that with our newfound openess and honesty with each other, that we could be happy together. I think that if the other man wasn't in the picture, that maybe, just maybe that she would say let's try again. But he's in the picture and right now, he's Mr. Perfect to her. How long will it take for her to realize that he's not. He was my best friend and he has told me many things that I know that she would hate, but I can't tell her that because I think that it might only draw her closer to him. She does things with him that she would never do with him. Like public display of affection. Ever since we met, she's been appalled by it and now she's telling me that she's being very affectionate with him in public. It just doesn't make sense. It's like she's trying to rub my nose in it. Well, someone please help or at least give me "somthing to think about" [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey Jason! Any way you two can move away from this OM? If not how much are you willing to put up with? Have you read the main body of this site? Plan A is 6 months of you fixing you and loving her back into your marriage. I'm in month 2 of this plan. Can you do that? And as for something else to think about...Pick one hobby or one new hobby that will totally occupy your mind. Some chose learning music or another language. I chose rock-climbing. That takes total concentration. First decide if you love her enough to fight for her. If you do, GO FOR IT! Plan B is a 6 month seperation. But read the main body of this site. It will help more than anything. And vent your feelings here. We've all been there. Jerry.

HOW? I read about Plan A and really didn't understand what it meant. Am I supposed to create the plan or is there one that is laid out to follow. I don't know how to get the OM out of the picture. She's living with him. I have the kids and she's free to do as she pleases. I have told her that I want her to be happy and if being with him will make her happy, then I'm happy. I know that was stupid, but I've been following advice of a shrink. What makes it so bad is that he was just a friend, he was our friend. Then when we started saying that she didn't love me, I asked her if there was someone else. She initially said no. I asked this because of an attorney I asked advice from. He said that in most marriages where "i'm not in love anymore" are concerned, there's always another mate. So I asked and she said no. But then I asked if she felt as if she might be feeling love for our friend because he was always there for her when she needed to talk and I wasn't. I should never have brought that up. Then she started thinking on it and next time I talked to her, she said yes, she was in love with him. He makes her happy. Now, it's like she's overwhelmingly in love with him. She won't spend any time away from him. If he doesn't have anything to do, she's with him. He's not working and may not be for a couple weeks, his back's hurt. So she has plenty of time to spend with him. I have asked her to have lunch with me once a week and she agreed. so far we've only had one of these lunches, because everytime I ask her about anything, she has to check with OM first before she makes a decision. She says that he's a part of her life now and has to make sure that it doesn't affect "them" first before she makes plans, whether about kids, money, or time. She's discovering herself again with the help of her shrink but now she's doing all the things that this website says do to make a relationship better with him. It's like she's working at it but with him. I have told her that she is always welcome in my house and if she changes her mind about coming back to come talk to me about it. I think that she "knows" that I will take her back. So she's free to explore and give him a try knowing that she can always come back. I've left the door open like a fool. I want to close the door so she doesn't feel as if she can "always" come back. I don't know how to do this without pushing her away further. I've bought the book "stop Your Divorce" from www.stopyourdivorce.com and have follow the book and things are better between us, and I think that if he wasn't in the picture, that she would be trying to work at it with me. Her friends and my friends think so too. So what to do? I'm lost.

I was wondering. Is there anything that I can say to the OM to get him to go away and leave my wife alone? This guy was my best friend and now everytime I see him I just cringe with resentment and hateful feelings, but I hide it and am sociable to him. He acts as if everything is OK between me and him and he can still be my friend. How Can I tell him F**k Off without hurting my wife. I believe that his intent all along was to get her to leave me, so he could walk right in and take over. He was mr. perfect to her and did things with her while I was at work to make her feel good. Now he's got her in his arms and he's still mr perfect. My wife thinks that he could be with her for years to come. I want him gone and out of ourlives, but I don't know how to approach the situation without my wife knowing and without hurting her in the process. Remember, she's living with him and has nowhere else to go except here with me. Any ideas?

Jasn...I will probably be banned form this site for this but here goes...Cut your losses and find happiness elsewhere. I know love is powerful but I think that you are going thru what I am in the final stages of which is thinking that this is the only person you could ever be happy with and the only person that will ever make you happy. My wife is saying that there has been a person suppressed inside of her and that the deceit and lies of the last month of our marriage are because she wants to be that new person. Well I have loved the person that she was before and am not sure I could love the new one. If I have to love someone new why not one that is new on the outside and inside. I have kids also but yours must sense the torment you are going thru. Walk away w/your dignity and find a new life after you heal from this whether it's w/counseling or just time.