The 3 weeks before my court date making my divorce final I was very depressed and scared. I was confused and my mind would not quit wandering to everything that happened and was said between me and WH the past 6 months. This is the 1 week aniversary of me being a divorced woman. As soon as the judge said you are divorced I have felt this strange peace in my life. Prior to all of this my WH did everything in his power to upset me. Stealing my car and playing mind games. I feel empowered now. Like he can no longer mess with me. I was wondering if this peace continues..... If what I am feeling is not normal. Am I going to go back to the depressed scared person I was before. Don't get me wrong... prior to this 3 week period before the divorce being final I was doing pretty good.

Please tell me about your experience with this.

WXH is now very angry that the divorce is final. Or atleast I think that is why he is so mad. He is refusing to sign the papers that he agreed to and that the court ordered him to. So now it is back to court. But I am finally calm and cool about it all. Now he can deal with my lawyer.

Thank you in advance for your thoughts.

I am just starting the process and would like to share my feelings.

Once my wife had refused for the 10th time to see a marriage counselor, I had to be prepared and actually make a decision. I have hung in on a dead marriage, it was more like a mom and son, but with sex, no dont get the wrong idea. As long as I do and did everything her way, life was fine for her. To this day she still says what a great husband I am, but that will change when she is served the papers. I felt like the day I went to a lawyer and signed the papers, I was like leaving the nest. Like I was 18, but more tired. I felt like I am now old enough to take on what the world has in store for me instead of living someone else's idea of what life should be. I feel liberated, scared, but more happy than sad. I feel I have tried everything to try to live in her world, but my world died when she entered it. As if I went into her world to be with her and that was it. I eventually felt lost in the relationship. Treated like a kid, a possession, a slave to deliver what ever she wanted and needed. I would say that the last 20 years of my life have been much less than they should have been. I compromised my ideas, thoughts, beliefs, dreams, happiness to serve others. I know that she loves me the best that she possibly can, but her emotional state, and up bringing, tend to limit her ability to love. She is unreasonable, demanding, controlling, but I still love her, like an old hat maybe but still there is something there. Unfortunatly I cant cope with the rest of her problems. I am sorry it had to come to this, but I had no choice. I see my kids turning into her. This was for them. They are my inspiration to do what I know in my heart is right.

Your x stole your car? Wow. Mine broke into my house and got arrested.

I had that peace feeling when I signed papers. Never went before judge again after that as I had already been four times last year...When it was finalized in December, my x ran off into the delusional crotch-fog with his preggo mistress. So that upset my peace for a few days. Very wierd, swirly feeling for about two days. Then I realized their marriage was a sham and only paper and a real testament to stats regarding subsequent marriages after affairs and gunshot weddings. So I felt better.

But you do. During my swirly feeling phase, I thought about the whole marriage. Floated in and out of my head. Moments good and bad. Like a person who's in their last minutes of dying having flashbacks of their life.

I liken it to a death too. My death as his wife. Then as I was getting a manicure on friday afternoon, I heard song that reduced me to tears after doing very very well for a few days. Song was "all coming back to me now" by Celine Dion. And I don't really like her either. I broke down and cried and my foreign manicurist must've thought I was PMS'ing or something.

It's part of letting go of what could have been but never was. We had alot of hope in the beginning and a gorgeous wedding. Now he shacked up with a butt floss men's magazine model and got her preggers and is playing part time daddy to her other outta wedlock child and had a shotgun type wedding totally in secret with a woman almost eight mos. pregnant. That sounds romantic huh? Not to me anyway.

And sometimes I have flashes now of future. I see myself getting married and not having a wedding but a small one at very cool place but then throwing awesome reception for family and friends..more like a cocktail party. But I will for sure not be preggers and will wear a great dress. When I marry again, if I do, it will be very small but very elegant and my son and grandfather will give me away. I have more thoughts of what the future will hold now. Sure, it hurts to think my x threw his life away for nothing, but I am not going to give in and stop living.

What you felt imho, was totally normal. What I am and was feeling is normal. part of growing and grieving. My counselor told me that I'd bounce back and forth between the different stages of kubler-ross thing for a few years. That I might really be acceptant, but still have bits of the other still lingering for a while. She said it's kinda like you had your arm cut off (my x). I still feel it sometimes and know it's supposed to be there but isn't. Then she said to remember that now we're looking for the perfect BIONIC arm to replace it with! Faster, better, stronger...what an analogy huh? Then I'd be the .0006 million dollar woman! lol.

Up till divorce......sad that my family would ever be the same again.....no mommy and daddy to my kids under one roof......after divorce......GREAT!....life is good for me, Im remarried and very happy. My EX's life is in limbo.....sometimes I feel sorry for her, she put all her effort into divorcing me, and moving on to be with OM.....only to have him stall the divorce from HIS wife....he is still married and dating my EX. She gave it all up, and then he said......hold on, Im not sure what I want to do.

I had the dreaded FEAR of how the heck was I going to support my family! Signed papers and waited. Waited to feel divorced. Signed papers in July of 2002 and didn't know I was even divorced until October 2002 because ex's attorney forgot to tell us the divorce was final the 9th of August.

So here it is a year and a half of being Divorced and I think I am stronger. Still get scared and upset from time to time but I know I am much much stronger.