Hi. I am 25 years old and have been married for three and half. We have a three year old daughter. My husband is in the military and just returned from Iraq in November after being gone a year. He came home for two weeks before returning to Germany to get ready to move back to the states. Well the first week seemed to go well other than when he first got off the plane he seemed to have NO REACTION LEFT. I thought he would just run up and hug and kiss me and not let go. Well that didnt necessarily happen. Well as we moved in to the second week things became we started to argue and finally he packed his things and went to his mom's house. He didnt call at all while he was there. Finally the day before he was to leave to go back to Germany he came over so we could talk and work things out. So he returned to Germany the next day for three weeks. Well again he arrived back home on Dec 11th and by Dec 19th things just werent going as planned and of course this time he took all of his belongings and left. I know I can seem to fight with him a lot over little petty things. Well this time he has stayed gone. He left again on Jan 2 to go to school five hours away. Right before he left he came to see our daughter and before he left he hugged and kissed me and said everything was going to be okay. Well now all the sudden he is telling that he just wants to do his own thing for a while. He needs space. One minute he seems to want to be with me and the next he doesnt. He told me also that me fighting with him on occasion has pushed him away from me. He came into town this past weekend and came over to the house to see our daughter. Well I lay there in bed watching TV and all of the sudden he seems to want to work things out. The day he left again he said things are going to be okay and also that he was trying very hard. Well now he is away again and now he wants to do his own thing. He doesnt call me at all. If I call and leave a message he never returns my call. He doesnt even call to talk to our daughter. I really dont know what to do... Please Help!!! Any suggestions will be greatly accepted.

Having read your post there doesn't seem to be anything that would point that you, your H or both are preparing for divorce, am I right? You may be better off if you post your thread over at the Emotional Needs forum, for not only is there more traffic but there may be someone over there that can give you some good advice. Good luck.

I understand-- you feel your h may be heading this way, as it sure doesn't sound like he's acting like a committed husband at this point; hardly even an on again/off again bf. I'm going to try to maybe open up a few "ideas" you may not have considered...that may or may not have any basis of truth for you...just brainstorming, so please do not be offended by anything I say.

My h was in the mil too (af)--we had a few tdy's, though nothing as long as a year. He had a school to go to for 6months that he wouldnt let me go with him to. It was 5 hours away as well. So, yes, I do have a sense of what you're going through.

He certianly has some issues..but maybe a part of it is that he was away for a long time. Things happen when people are seperated from their spouses esp when by hundreds of miles that don't happen when the spouses are together. They look for ways to fill their lonlieness and to find fun in a new, strange place. As such, they change. They find new things they like and get into a certian new routine they are comfortable with. That goes for both of you--I am sure you started doing new things or hanging around new people...and at the very least assumed new responsibilities when you h left. My thoughts are that prehaps he has grown "used to" being alone again. He dosen't feel he knows you anymore, and maybe he's not sure (or uncomfortable with)how to jump back into his family.

I had a lot of resentment towards my h when he came back home (b/c he wouldn't let me go)-and I wanted to be away from him..opting to go out alone and locking the door when I took showers or used the restroom (as opposed to normal open doors)-- granted, I was resentful b/c he wouldnt let me go with him..but maybe your h is resentful that you were home all this time, enjoying the benefits of his service in your house with your family--and all the lovely amenities of home and community...while he was in a nasty war zone, where he didn't want to be, missing simple pleasures of life. Maybe that's a small part of his weird behaivor.

As for what you do..I guess plan a. Work on you, make sure you do not lb, keep the house spotless, and try to make your home as inviting and plesant as possible. Maybe even inconspicuously set up some nice framed pics of you and him from dating years and the 3 of you as a family, if you have them. --not obvious places...but maybe where he can see them. And keep your baby looking her best..just all the things that would make it very, very hard for him to leave. Good luck, I hope he comes out of this funk soon.