I have been married for 6 1/2 years. And I have been with my husband for 9. We also have 3 little boys together. We have been thru some pretty big ups and downs, and now it seems more down than up. My husband and I are about to end up divorced if we don't get our life back in check. Back in March of last year is when things really started to go south. We are having major financial problems and have been fighting like cats and dogs. Well, not at first. We decided to refi the house and work hard on getting back on track. See, my husband got a settlement back in 1999 and now the money is all gone. We have bought 3 houses since then, each time going bigger and bigger. We have bought many things that we really didn't need to. We were very young and irresponsible for what we did. We both did it. Not just one but both. He seems to think that it was only me, but it was both. I am guilty of spending to much on the kids and the house. And he is guilty of buying hot rods, snowmobiles, and regular cars. Anyways. Things were hard but we were getting our acts together. Then in late October he left. Claims that he isn't happy and that he wants out. So after a few days he came back. This has gone on now 4 times since then. Every single time he leaves it's the same story. I'm not happy and I'm out. And it always happens when bills are due. So back in December my parents sat down with us and talked. They were willing to help us as long as we put the house on the market and started to really put an effort into out marriage. God knows I have been! And things really have been great. He is very loving and has been treating me better than he ever has been. And so have I. It has been wonderful. Even our boys were saying that they were so happy that Mom and Dad were so happy. But a week ago last Thrusday, he decided once again, that he wanted out. I was crushed. Beyond crush. I feel like he has died to me. He didn't leave this time, but was sure cold to me. But he still had the nerve to ask for sex. And I would tell him no, and he would say he loved me and wanted to be with me, but just couldn't.
But then this past Wednesday he changed his mind AGAIN! He again loves me, wants to be with me and the boys. Wants out family. Not sure I trust it. But I again, took him back. He left Thrusday for a trip with his friends. I did talk to him Thrusday night. And he was nice. And he told the boys that he was coming home and that we would all be a family. Heard nothing from him Friday. Saturday morning he called and say thing. He loved us and that he would call again that night. Nothing! Heck, I didn't even know where he was staying and what town he was in intil Saturday morning. I feel that is irresponsible! What if something happened? How would I call him. His cell was never on. And when he would call home he would us his buddies.
So here I sit. I feel like I am on pins and needles. Does he really want to be with us? Or is he playing a game with me? All I know is that my children are so messed up because of him always coming and going. Every time he leaves, they know it. And every time he comes back they are so excited! They don't trust him and either do I. And they are mad at me because they feel I should be making him stay. I do have the school invloved now. And the social worker said that this is mental abuse to the children. My oldest is falling behind in school and is so depressed.
I have seen a lawyer and I do have my papers ready to be filed. But that is not at all what I want. I want to make this marriage work. And I don't know what to do? I am so confused.
Does anyone have any idea as to what or how I should handle any of this? I have asked him if he is having an affair and he says no. That if he wanted a divorce and wanted to leave....he would. He has been drinking all the time. He's not mean at all, but he does drink a lot. I think part of the problem is that he hangs around this 21 year old guy(who lives next door). And I think part of him wants to be young again. He is too young for a mid-life crisis. He is only 30. But he makes these stupid choices like drinking and driving, he has done nitrious ballons, and this coming and going stuff. This neighbor kid is always at our house. Just walks right in. Heck, sometimes I can be gone for the day and when I come home, this kid is in my garage. And I have no clue he is coming over. He has no car, because he has 3 DUI's and I feel that he is using my husband for his enjoyment. I mean my husband even went to a dance club with this kid. And this is way off for him. Whenever they go out, they don't come back till 3/4 in the morning. And I'm just expected to just deal with this.
Please, somebody help me. I need my husband back!!!