I have not posted in quite some time as I have been dealing with numerous issues and quite frakly was tired of it all...Mentally, physically and mindfully, I am just exhausted. anyway, my latest scenario involves my children who are experiencing all the issues one may read or witness, anger, frustration, defiance, drugs, alcohol...etc...my X WW is too busy being a friend as opposed to an accountable responsible adult...Heres the short of it....She has essentially ruined our credit and is not cooperating in the refinancing of my home because she wants every dime in her words she is entitled to....I often ask what I am entitiled to and have yet to get an answer after a year plus of hell and 4 false recoveries as well as her arrest...
anyway, recently caught 14 year old with drugs, Marijuana and pipe.....she is very defiant and adamant , not my problem in her eyes....well I get a call from x last sunday evening, kids are being kicked out of the house she rents and she will deliver them to me on monday...I find out they were kicked out because of alledged drug use and other concerns...I discuss with x and tell her I want daughtr in counseling...X is more concerned about costs.....basically does not agree..she discusses with daughter and of course daughter is against idea...so, here is my question as a chared custody situation, what are my options, I have enough rational to force the issue, but with who and where...I am going to call Child protective tomorrow if for no other reason than to document xww poor decision and lack of best interest for kids....I am also worried about my 10 year old in this environment..my x continually undermines my authority with the kids which makes things more difficult..Has anyone had insight into how to force an uncooperative parent to cooperate in the best interest of the child????any and all insight welcome...
Me 43, XWW42
D-day, Nov 9,03
A w/ my BF, pregnancy, abortion
7/03, WW arrested Domestic Battery, out of home for good, no contact order
She filed, 7/23/03, 1 false attempt at reconciliation after filing, I discover she comm w/ OM while talking of Reconcile w me.
I push for D, had enough
D -10/28/03
Still hell in trying to settle mediation agreement
My personal feeling, she deserves what she gets, just let me go and leave me alone...My focus, is my 3 children...however, she has poisoned them so much they have become very adept at lying and deception. all three very noticeable behavior changes.

Yes, these are joint decisions, but do what you must to help your children, regardless of X's actions.
Check with the school counselor, they know more of programs and resources available than you do.
The best we can do in a divorce is to minimize the impact on our children, and to raise emotionally healthy kids, while improving our emotional health too.

Check to see if there is a rainbows class in your area. www.rainbows.org

I understand what you write of. I do believe you are in a very difficult parental place and parenting your children with their mother makes parenting just about impossible.

I have walked a very smilar path for 5 years. 4 children, drugs, underage drinking et etc and X and ow promoting all this and dumping the kids back in my home and for me to deal with and then kids, X and ow being in denial about kid's problems , so wicked witch had more hurdles to jump to get the help that the kids needed.

All I can suggest is tough love aaaand deal with the problems now, because once the kids are older, much harder to help. DOCUMENT aand DOCUMENT and then decide whether what you want is full parental decision making which does not interfere with visitation, fight for this . This is about your children's future.

Good luck and I do know that THIS is the hardest road, harder than affairs and divorce.

I have been in touch with child protection and the local juvenile officer...I am so torn because I wnt to take the hard line and do whatever and yet I am tired and wonder will it make a difference...of course I know the answer already...I had never thought of full parental decision making...this in something I will look into....I absolutely have hatred for WW impacting our children in such a negative manner...I could care less about her but will help my children as best I can....

I had a similar situation. Very different issues... but the situation was the same. My ex was NOT making decisions in the best interests of our kids. We fought constantly. We were at attorneys and in court way too much. Somewhere along the line (I really think the judge got sick of us), someone suggested a Guardian Ad Litem.

GAL's are court appointed "spokespeople" for the CHILDREN! Some are attorneys (not yours or your ex's!), some are psychologists. Ours is a psychologist. She is a Godsend. Now any issue that is debated, we take to the GAL. She's not cheap, but WELL worth it to ensure the well being of my children.

May be something for you to look into........

Good luck,
Sarah

I had a similar situation. Very different issues... but the situation was the same. My ex was NOT making decisions in the best interests of our kids. We fought constantly. We were at attorneys and in court way too much. Somewhere along the line (I really think the judge got sick of us), someone suggested a Guardian Ad Litem.

GAL's are court appointed "spokespeople" for the CHILDREN! Some are attorneys (not yours or your ex's!), some are psychologists. Ours is a psychologist. She is a Godsend. Now any issue that is debated, we take to the GAL. She's not cheap, but WELL worth it to ensure the well being of my children.

May be something for you to look into........

Good luck,
Sarah

Counseling may be covered by your medical insurance. It may be available on sliding scale fees through your county mental health agency. It may be provided through your employer's Employee Assistance Program.

Getting your child help is worth whatever it costs.