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#764648 01/30/04 12:38 PM
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Lora Offline OP
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4 years ago he was having the affair and we did taxes without much speaking, him avoiding me, me trying to get him to talk..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

3 years ago we used tax time as a reason to get together after he had been living in an apartment ofr 6 months. We went out to eat after and it led to him returning home in April.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

2 years ago he was wanting to leave but not telling me and I was trying to make it better, ignoreing my instincts, being the perfect wife,trying to get him to open up, go to counseling....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

1 year ago we were seperated, heading for divorce, spent our return on a lawyer, not much to say..... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Today I am going to buy turbotax on my own. Hating that I remember all those past years, not quite over it yet. Happier overall then being with someone who won't communicate and did not love me any longer, but sad I can't let go and move on and be done with it. Wanting a better year this year. And want to finally get to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

#764649 01/31/04 01:13 AM
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Lora,

I know this isn't where your post is going, but it is important. Turbo Tax has spy ware files called e-dilla or something. Once installed, the spyware is nearly impossible to get rid of. They do have something that you can down load from their website, but you can never really get rid of it.

There is a similar program for Fed IRs called TaxCut. I used it last year, its just as good, and they don't use the spyware.

#764650 01/31/04 01:39 AM
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Hi Lora,
I feel your pain. I've been there, too, hanging on to a relationship to make things better. Trying to communicate with someone who doesn't want to communicate. Trying to be the perfect wife so that they won't leave.

TRUST me. It will get better. I never thought I could get over the hurt and the anger of me wanting that marriage to work, mostly because I didn't want my kids raised in a broken home, and it not working. My X was the only person I had ever known, in all senses of the word. He was my world. However, when I realized it was finally over, I began to feel peace, and start liking ME. I think I put too much pressure on him being my whole world, and trying to please him. I'm much happier now, and I"m in a relationship now that is, fun, relaxing, comfortable, and, most of all, peaceful. But I know, no matter what happens, I will be OK because I've learned to rely on ME. You are learning to rely on yourself now, too, and it will get better and better......until you will like yourself better than you did before. And who knows? Your renewed sense of self may draw him back, or it may not--it may draw someone better....but the main thing is to be happy with you. I think you will come to realize that while you may always hold a part of this person in your heart, it will be good to let go and enjoy life again.

I read somewhere in an advice column on how to determine if someone is "the one" to marry. The advice has stuck with me....the writer said that you should marry someone (1) who you love, and (2) who is good to you. The writer said that women sometimes tend to forget #2 and focus on #1. I don't know if that's a sexist statement or not, but I do know I fell in that category. I went after #1, and totally ignored the putdowns, the inconsiderations, and the other things he did to me. I don't know if this applies to you, but it is something to think about.

I pray this year will bring you peace and happiness.

Cheers!
Drifter's girl

#764651 01/30/04 02:48 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Bumperii:
<strong> Lora,

I know this isn't where your post is going, but it is important. Turbo Tax has spy ware files called e-dilla or something. Once installed, the spyware is nearly impossible to get rid of. They do have something that you can down load from their website, but you can never really get rid of it.

There is a similar program for Fed IRs called TaxCut. I used it last year, its just as good, and they don't use the spyware. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bumper,

The spyware you are thinking of is C Dilla, and yes it was a part of TurboTax 2002. I do believe the backlash was so bad that they've removed it from the TurboTax 2003 product.

I have a free trial CD here at the office and I plan to take a look when I get a chance.

Tony

#764652 01/30/04 06:52 PM
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I have used the site www.taxfreedom.com to do my taxes. Its good for people that don't make a lot of money and its part of the turbo tax thing and you don't have to download anything. And if you qualify, it can be free. Check it out.

And good for you for doing your own taxes. My Ex always did them. But I did them myself and what a thrill to feel independent from him.

Good luck.

#764653 01/30/04 07:03 PM
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Just trying to cheer you up Lora -

The fix for your tax time trigger is to join my effort to move tax day to election day - the first Tuesday in November following the last full moon in October not to exceed the second Sunday after the fifth Wednesday since September.

Got it?

I mean, the way it is now, the two days - tax day and election day - can't be very much farther apart!! Was it a conspiracy between the Founding Fathers and the IRS??????

The way I see it, it's fitting that the day we in the U.S. go to the polls to elect our liars ought to be the same day we owe our taxes, right? That way, what we spend in taxes is fresh in our minds as we pull the lever. What do you think?

WAT's word origins:

politics - from "poli" meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsuckers."

Hope this helps.

<small>[ January 30, 2004, 06:27 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

#764654 01/30/04 08:50 PM
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, count me happy now, a big fat refund!

Putting it in my vacation fund.

I'm just a little worried becasue one of the house interest statements had him on it as primary and me as secondary.

Thanks all for the support, history lessons and smiles

#764655 01/31/04 10:35 PM
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Tax Time is a trigger for me too. My XH was having his sexual affair with the fat OW, and he picked my daughter and I up at the airport, cause we were at a horse show, and he had the taxes in the car with him. This was few years ago. I wanted to see the return and he just forced me to sign the paper, and called me a *****, in the car with my oldest daughter. Well, I realized there were things he was hiding from many people.

Last year, was my last year to sign as married, and I had the lawyer put a special attention to my being protected if there is an IRS intervention. Just for my protection, you never know when one gets audited.

And this year, I am signing by myself, and claiming all my kids. I have a new tax woman, that is going to help me in many ways, with low-income. Not the same, but this year I know exactly what everything that will be claimed on the taxes, and my returns will be for me only.

Tax years was always very stressful for me. I had to get all the paperwork ready, and hire a lady to help me. No more, haven't done this for 2 years now. And XH just does what he does for the business that we both owned, now he owns it solely. And he has all the paperwork to do for himself.

Taxes, for divorced people are one of the triggers for many couples. I learned about this in counseling. Many times, it brings about memories, and heartaches.

It will get better, I am told, so look forward to the time when you will look back and say, well, its so much better now than 2 years ago, and look how much better it is going to be next year. That is all the advice I can give, since I am newly divorced.

#764656 02/01/04 12:42 PM
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Hi, Lora, Dang those triggers. May next year be even better in terms of your emotions at tax time. Be well.

#764657 02/01/04 04:19 PM
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yes, maybe next year will be better.


Hi Belle... don't see you psot much any more. Not that I do, but still lurking. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#764658 02/01/04 04:32 PM
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lora:


I'm just a little worried becasue one of the house interest statements had him on it as primary and me as secondary.
[QUOTE]

There is more than one way to skin a cat. If you made those mortgage interest payments, claim the deduction. You should have cancelled checks with your signature on them to back it up. And that is a lot of evidence to overcome.

Let you in on a little secret, I've never lied or cheated on my income tax returns. I do however, resolve all doubts in my own favor. If the IRS ever disagrees, I'll just write the check. Wouldn't even bother to argue with them.

And quit worrying, the IRS investigators are just people like us. They are nowhere near as bad as they are made out to be. Anymore, many of them are single moms too. If anything, they will try to help out a single mom.

#764659 02/05/04 10:28 PM
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I think those who deceit the government are the ones who worry, those of us who don't deceit the government have nothing to worry about. So keep the honesty, and there will be nothing to worry about. At least that is what I am doing, and keeping my life focused on being honest day in and day out.

#764660 02/06/04 09:12 AM
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Tax time after the divorce was a good time for me. I received a much bigger refund <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#764661 02/06/04 09:29 AM
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yes, I realized I have the same deductions with a much smaller salery. Maybe I should plan a yearly vacation with the refund to help me turn the trigger into a good time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#764662 02/06/04 08:11 PM
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Tax time is a trigger for me as well. STBX always tries to muscle his way thru what should be done with the refund, and I am never given the thumbs up to buy something or use my half of the refund for something I might want. So for me it triggers a bad feeling... but this year that changes for me as my attorney assures me that I can stand my ground and say upfront that I want my half to do whatever I want with... yipeeeeeeeeee!! Freedom isn't going to be so bad afterall I guess.

#764663 02/06/04 10:15 PM
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Hi Lora, Congrats on the big refund! So, where are you taking your vacation? Somewhere tropical and warm sounds good. The man I'm dating has been trying to talk me into snow camping, but I'm already too cold at home with the heat turned down as low as I can stand it to save money.

Thank goodness, tax time hasn't really been a trigger for me. First year, I was so spun out I don't even remember filing. Second year, I filed and one of my friends forged my SomedayTBX's signature since he'd been living in la-la land for quite some time by then. He never even asked me about the taxes and I deposited the refund back into our business. Third year, last year, I filed married but separate. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't file at all, though I sent him a W-2 from the business for "working" even though he didn't. This year, the money he received wasn't a paycheck and he paid no taxes on it, so he's going to owe big time, if he even files a tax return...


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