Dear standing,

Thanks for responding to my post. Although our situations are different, throughout all these posts on this sight, there is always that common thread of anxiety, fear, depression, guilt, and sometimes even a little humor and hope. Thanks for your words of support and kindness.

Now, without judgement, I want to vent a little here because I can tell you(as I had in the post), I have been waiting for his affairs to subside so that we could start again...a new beginning, a second chance. He is seeing a 21 year old girl and has been for a year. He claims that he is not being physical but I beg to differ. He says that I have no right to limit what he claims is his entertainment. He also says he is a social being and his involvement with his "friends" is normal.

He is from Europe and although I am born in the US, he and I have the same cultural background. He feels these involements with women are his right as long as he provides the material comforts for his family. I have a small business of my own but he is the accountant for that so he controls my finances there as well as his own-he is a dentist.

When I confront him, he gets very angry and verbally abusive in front of the children or,he will simply deny anything I confront him with. I know I don't want to live the rest of my life in a situation like this. My self esteem has all but disappeared, and I find myself consumed with trying to find out everything about what he is doing. Yet when I try to imagine life alone, as I said in my post, I see him as being manipulative with the children and irresponsible.
I also know that I will be lonely.

It is said that one cannot be hurt by anyone they do not love. Unfortunately, this seems to be my gauge. I can't tell you how terrible I feel when he drives down the driveway and is gone for 15 minutes to an hour in order to drive around and call her on his cell phone. He just leaves the house with no explaination. He comes and goes and he makes it very difficult for me to comfortably ask where he is going.

I have spoken to him from my heart, I have written him letters. I have begged, pleaded, negotiated. All have landed on deaf ears. Last week, I finally told him that I didn't want to live with anyone I didn't trust. He stormed out of the house and said that he was going to find a hooker. He came back one hour later. The following morning he said he went to his attorney to file for divorce. The following few days he was very nice to me because he had to leave for a previously planned vacation to Las Vegas. I think he was bluffing because the night before he left on his trip he said that he wanted to have a romantic homecoming with me when he returned.

I believe that he met his "friend" in Las Vegas and is there now with her. I called her place of work and she is on vacation at this time as well. How conveniant.

I am sorry to elaborate so much. I am so deeply hurt. I also see that if I try to eliminate my husband from my life, my children will suffer too.

I continue to pray because this gives me strength.

Thanks for reading.

I'm butting in here, but if you feel your H is verbally abusive, I strongly suggest you read the book, "the verbally abusive relationship" by Patricia Evans. I suggest this because at the end, they give tactics to stop the behaviors. Tactics many of us never used in our M's.