<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> What happened? 3 years ago I was dressed up in a tuxedo awaiting my beautiful bride to be. I was so excited that I said I do on two occassions during the cerimony. I felt as if my life had just begun and that our life would only get better as husband and wife. I had never planned on encountering the "for worse" part of our marriage vows. This is the deal. Divorce is not a cure for marital conflict. Lawyers are not the kind of councelers that you go and see for advice on saving your marriage. Stop listening to the wrong people who give the wrong advice based on their wrong decisions. If you want to save your marriage then it will take change and it will take patience and it will take time. Divorce is a decision that only one has to make. Marriage has always been and continues to be a commitment for 2 people. I have spoken to hundreds of divorcing men and women over the years and usually 1 of the 2 people in the marriage say to me "I don't really want to do this, but... Stop! Now get your but out of my office because you have some changes to make. I can not say what changes, but I can share with you one of the tools in which I was able to commence change in my life. This tool is a book called "His needs Her needs" by Willard F. Harley Jr. Now, do not think that it was the book by itself that performed a maracle in my marriage because you
would be wrong. The real marriage saver was in realizing that I wanted to change. Once I accepted the responsabily to change it was this book that assisted me in discovering from where I should begin to change. I can honestly say that my changes are gradual but noticed. I began this journey alone and with time my spouse joined me. We are happy and our , marriage is once again, "for better". Look at yourself before you look at another. Your spouse can not be changed by you. You can not choose to change from your spouse's anger. If you must consult with an attorney for any reason regarding your marriage then I would suggest taking the less personal road by utilizing a website or resource that would include a QnA section and forms for dissolution without the pressure of a lawyer's only free advice...BAD ADVICE! For those of you with children in your marriage, I remind you that not only is divorce a choice, but ultimetely custody is as well. The courts will usually take an order entered by agreement of the parties. "Children need both parents". God Bless!

I read your posting and am left with several questions. Before I ask please read the posting entitled "Im Miffed" My thinging has been totally transformed by Dr Harley's books but at this point and time it's a lone discovery.

Were you on the verge of divorce before you read His Needs Her Needs?

What did you personally apply to your life that got noticed, and how?

Did you feel that your wife was responsible for at least part of where you found yourself after 3 years?

After your wife began to follow did the book have any kind of impact on her life?

Is she dependent on your leading or could she step up to the plate without being prompted and read a book like "His Needs Her Need" and begin to flow in the spirit of it content?

If these questions are to personal, please don't be offended. Be free not to answer. I am so hungry for answers

That is good that EN books of the Harleys worked for you. In my situation we were counseling with the Harleys, and they knew that my XH was lieing to them and to me. They kept telling me that if I don't do this or that, the outcome would not be good. And they were right. I also, talked to a lawyer on a trip that I took with a bunch of friends, a whole travel bus load, and there was a lawyer on the bus. My friend that I went with had me talk with the lawyer, and what he said was absolutely right. My XH did all that I told everyone he wouldn't.

Lawyers are not out there to be counselors, they don't care about counseling, they just want your money. I am one for sure that fell into that trap.

The things about for better or worse. I married my husband with the better/worse phylosophy. Evidently he didn't, and his other woman didn't either. For she had 2 sexual affairs for sure in her marriage and who knows how many more.

Harleys have a good ground theory in regaining marriages. EN is the utmost need of any individual. But if you have a spouse that didn't want to do any of the homework, didn't want to talk to the Harleys, and a spouse that lied to the Harleys, and the Harleys told my spouse to get out of the house tonight. And of course spouse went on later that I didn't really want him out, which I didn't, cause I was a doormat to his abuse. When you find someone that you are interested in, and then find a little about their background, and then start meeting each others emotinal needs, that is the grounds for a relationship. But, after you are married for awhile, you find the quirks that are there, the things that irritate. Then that is when you work on your marriage. ALL marriages need working on, none are workproof. And as you age, your desires change, and that is where the two of you need to see through each others desires and find peace with each other.

I am happy to see that your marriage is working out. Yes, all marriages need work, everyday. I listen to a christian program, and all marriages need work everyday, and last weeek we had a sermon on marriages. My pastor and his wife are truly in love. You can see it in their eyes, and body language. He stood up at the altar and stated that he has to work on his marriage every day. His wife stood up in the pews and stated the same thing. They both said, it has been work from day one. Some days run smoother than others.

Keep up the good work. And yes, MB is a good source of renewing the love for each other.

There are posters here that post and don't really feel MB is a good plan. I know one for sure. They would rather see a divorce, but I know that I committed sin by divorce. God hates divorce, and it is a sin in Gods eyes.

More and more people would rather divorce, and find that euphoria with someone else, when there is a person that really loves them for them. It is sad, but pretty soon, there are not going to be marriages, just living together, until they get tired of each other.