Sun was my 4 yr anniversary of my divorce. X had left 7 months earlier (July 99)after I told her she couldn't live here and date. She said she wasn't dating, but left anyway!

My kids are doing great! Both are straight A students and both are learning the hardway about team sports as both are sitting the bench (try to keep finding positives out of that!).

X married om 10 months after our divorce after living with him since July 99. They buy a house across town next to a friend of mine. 16 months later she tells me they are divorcing because he has gone back to his x wife who he had left for my wife.

X and I only speak about the kids. My bitterness towards her is mostly gone. It raises its ugly head when I have to be in two places at one time, like tonite. But it passes quickly.

I still have problems attending "family" type functions as I don't feel like a family. I feel something is missing in my life, like there is a hole, but I don't know what it is.

X now sees takes the kids 50% of the time, although I noticed the last two months it has dropped to 12 nites per month. She is now pays me only $200 per month child support. She makes no effort to change her schedule to meet the kids demands. My d plays basketball every Tues nite and Sat afternoon and my son played every Tues and Thur afternoon. Yet my x missed/es more than half their games because she works Tues and Thurs and usually doesn't go to away games. She doesn't work weekends, unless they ask her too. She is a nurse and works 12 hr shifts either 7a-7p or 7p-7a. She says she works that so she can take the kids more. But instead of working her days together she takes days off between them and doesn't take the kids those days. I guess it is hard working 12 hr shifts though, but it just seems stupid to me, to miss most of the kids stuff. This will probably be my d's last year of high school sport and x missed more than half of it. Hopefully my s will have a longer high school career, but I am starting to fear he got my father's genes. My dad was about 5'6". I am 5'10". My son's at 5', but he hasn't had a growth spurt yet like all his friends.

I have been seeing a wonderful woman now for just over 3 yrs. We love each other very much. She has 2 boys, each 1 yr younger than mine. The only problem is we live 71 mile apart. We only see each other every other weekend when both of our kids go to their other parents.

We have talked marriage, but there are some major hurdles. One, is the kids don't know each other. We figure it wouldn't be good a good idea to just get married and throw the 4 kids together. We have talked about getting the kids together more, but it just doesn't happen. Both are kids are involved in things, so they would have to miss something to spend time with each other. That seems selfish on our parts. One thing I promised myself was that the kids wouldn't suffer because of the divorce if I could help it.

Second, one set of kids would have to move. Both of our oldests are in high school. Her kids go to a small school and mine go to a much bigger school. Talk about culture shock.

Thirdly, our jobs. My moving to her area would add at least 1.5-2 hr travel each way. I probably could get some territory changed around. She could probably move down my way, but her business is eco-tourism along Lake Erie, so moving 40 mile away probably would be ineffective for her.

Also we both work from our homes, so we would need 5 bedrooms and 2 offices. We did look at a 6 bedroom house here where I live, but 2 of the bedrooms were off the family room basement, so how would you ever get the kids sleeping down there to bed!

Not sure why I posted all this. Part to say hello to the "oldies" here and part to give encouragement to the newbies. I had the same fears and worries that you have and I was able to overcome them and find love again.

Hang in!

Hello RWD,
I'm brand new here, but 10 years out from my divorce. I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed reading your post and wish you the best.
How I hope I'll be able to write something like it someday.

Karen

RWD, thank you for the update... You sound good....Life does go on but there are trials and tribulations.....

Thanks for keeping us informed.....

<small>[ February 03, 2004, 10:16 AM: Message edited by: GSN ]</small>

HEY BOB!!!

Holy Poop on a stick!!! Hard to believe it's been that long already. Man, I joined up in May of 99. Cripes, I'm going on 4 years as well.

You sound great, ok, good. Bummer about the long distance you guys have between you.

The kids are another issue. G and I are lucky to have her kids and mine get along pretty well. T2 is just like me, only a younger version, same smart a$$ instigator like his rotten old man. Ian and Chelsea love him to death. My youngest Tom is still looking for a more outgoing personality. He is getting better, he can now make almost complete sentences. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ian had a Pinewood Derby this past weekend and he was telling all the other kids his step-brother won first place years ago.

I helped T2 [many, many years ago] and Ian during the build of MONSTER PINEWOOD DERBY cars. Ian did well, came in 3rd out of 48 racers. I used the same tricks on both cars and apparently two other Dads knew them as well. Now I get to tweek it for the regionals.

OK, I'm babbling like a brook again. Glad to hear from you. G and I wish you well.

Medic,
Good to hear from you and Gina. You still running calls?

I see a few of the oldies are still around and some come and go. I came back in the fall after x and I had to go back to court regarding child support. Since she is taking the kids more now, I took a reduction(cut in half).

Take care!

Hi Bob,

I still think of you as a youngster... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . It's good to hear that all is well with you and your family!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi RWD!

I'm an oldie too...still peruse this site every now and then. Glad to hear things are going good for you.

In regards to your situation, I too have realized that dating this time around does present a whole new lot of problems, i.e. where to live, jobs, kids. Much different than in my 20's when every decision was just a new adventure! Now there are schools, jobs, mortgages, etc., etc. Isn't it good to be a grown-up!?!?!

I wanted to respond to one thing you said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One thing I promised myself was that the kids wouldn't suffer because of the divorce if I could help it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you think this lady is someone who you want to build a future life with, I don't see how it's going to be "suffering" for her kids and yours to have a complete family environment, where both the parents love each other. I think it will be DIFFERNT and a CHANGE for them, and yes, it might be difficult to adjust, but in the long run, it might actually help them.

Seems like now, with your kids, that they are suffering already not having a Mom who is totally 100% there for them. I know this new lady won't be there "Mom", but she could bring extra support and stability to their lives.

Just a thought. I pray that God will guide and direct you in your decisions. It's hard...and esp. since of what we all have gone thru....it's tough to do.

God bless and thanks for sharing!

O,
Her oldest son and my son get along pretty well. My biggest fear is that those two( my son does a pretty good job by himself) would team up on my daughter and bug the heck out of her and she would say, heck on this, I'm going to live with mom. I would rather live with out someone in my life rather than "lose" my kids. She feels the same way about her kids.

G/f's fear is kind of the same. That the two older boys would get on the younger boy with the same results. Her youngest is heavy set, non-athletic, kind of a momma's boy.

I joking told her that we wouldn't be together much anyway, since the kids are all in different things and we would be running in different directions all the time.

It is good to hear that people are doing well. I know exactly how you feel.

Congratulations.

Glad to hear that things are working out well for you and your children. You have done an incredible job as a father. I am very happy for you. Two thumbs up.

aka willbok99, (finally divorced, happy and doing very well , just waiting for youngest to leave the nest in a year and then can make different decisions to get away more from this terrible and awful winter weather!)

Hey Bob... me again... did ya miss me?

Ya know, we all have baggage [did I spell that right?... well I know I spelled "that" right, but I mean baggage, never mind, anyway] to carry.

I came from a family that never was into the huggy love ya thing. Cripes, it took a near death experience for us [me, T2 and Tom] to give a hug to my Mom. Yep, we were brought up as Vulcans. No feelings, probably why I am a good Medic.

Took me a while to get used to the close knit fam that G has. I still need my space. Example... "Hey Ian" [brief hug] "alright now step off".

Ok, where was I going with this... hang on... oh, yeah... her kids are number one in her life, which is cool. My kids are up in my list too... somewhere below the don't breathe on my Trans Am, but...

For real I really do know what ya mean. I still have issues with Val or anyone that looks like Tanya Harding. The thoughts of her sliding under a gas truck and tasting her own blood are nearly gone now thanks to medication. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I certainly hope you do find happiness. You deserve it.

Still the Pinhead

Wow!! Lots of "old-timers" came here!

Bob, I'm sure everything will work out. And as a good dad, you're bound to worry about how the kids will adjust. It's only natural! I'm really glad things have gone well for you. It's nice to see people I started out here with actually making life better for themselves! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh...and TIM!! How ya been?? Tell G I said HI and give her big HUGS from me and the boys!!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Bob!

Guess I don't have to ask how you're doing, because it sounds like you're doing great!! Yeah, there are hurdles to building a new life, but you're a smart guy and you know what matters... and you clearly live that!

Thanks for the update... it's always great to see other oldies-but-goodies pop in...

Hi to Medic and G too since I haven't talked to you guys in ages. I didn't get to sing at the wedding - hope it was lovely!

Thanks everybody for replying. Its good hearing from everyone. Sounds like we have all made it. I remember back when none of thought we would.

Tim, never change!

Bob,

basically, with your kid situation, i would think that moving everyone around would be a whole lot of stress. . .

I would think that you would want to wait until the kids are out of school before moving. . . that way, they only have to deal with school vacations. . . but even then, you would need room in the house for everyone. . .

i am not even planning on moving for another 6 years, that's when the youngest goes to somewhere hopefully called college. . . i don't want to disrupt them any more than they are. . .

wiftty

Glad to see a post from a fellow old timer. I don't feel like an old timer though. My first ID logged in here in July 2000... wow. Guess I am old. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

It will be three years in September for the divorce being final, but it's been over three years now that the kids and I have been separated from the XH.

I'm getting ready to build (buy) a new home... he's living with his parents still (and paying for the trailer but not living there).

I'm in college full-time and working... he's unemployed--again.

I'm stressed but happy... he's--see above.

Life is good, and karma works. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey RWD!

This was the first topic I "recognized" a name from! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just wanted to add my "best of luck"s to the fray... as one currently going through my *own* less-than-fun divorce, I hope things work out for us all.

I think it was Nov-Dec of '98 when I started here myself... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Still can't beat K though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Who,
Yea, K was here practically before there were numbers!!!!

Good to hear from you. Hope "things" work out for you for the best.

Bob

Hey Bob,

Super personal ? for ya. No [censored] this time. Just wondered your thoughts or feelings on the fact that your X divorced the man she belived was her soul mate. If you don't want to answer that's cool, just leave a blank spot so I know you saw this. I only ask to validate my thoughts/ feelings.

I have come across some items that I believe V would like to be returned to her and just won't deliver them to her present residence. [bad karma] I thought about dropping them off at her parents home, but, her Mother always comes out to chat. [Sixth sense, she hears the screen door open] I'm not really that interested in hearing about what's going on with the fam and how wonderful life is without me. That's great. I'm happy too. I found a great woman and have another chance at raising some more little Zippies. God help you all.

I hope I am not crossing the line, it just seems you and I are close on the time line and these are some of the things that I think of time and again.

Hopefully still your Bud,

Zip

Zip,
Not a problem! I have nothing to hide. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As far as the soul mate thing, I never really believed in it. Maybe its my lack of relationship experience, I just never dated enough to find a soul mate. I did have a true love in college. She dumped me prior to her graduating. We were the same age, but I was on the 6 yr plan. My d is actually anmed after her. My x does not know this.

I remember x telling me about previous b/f's and other soul mates in her life before me. The funny(?) thing is, I don't ever remember her saying I was her soul mate. So why did she marry me? I think it was because I was the first one to ask her.

Her getting divorced from om really didn't suprise me. I read here that their chances were only 5%, plus the counselor that we went to together and I later went to myself said the affair sounded like an exit affair. Plus I knew her too well, this was way out for her. She was going 180 degrees from the person I knew. She is now back about 135 degrees.

I was partly happy that she felt some of the pain that I did, but I would never wish this on anyone. I was able to take the high road and didn't rub it in or say anything when she said she knew how I felt. She compared their 3 yrs together to our 20 yrs!

Don't know if I answered your questions or not. Let me know!!

As for returning stuff, I threw out all her personal stuff that she didn't take when she moved out. She has asked for some furniture since the divorce, but I have told her no. Someone had said to me early in the divorce, that they hoped I wouldn't have to give her half the furniture so that the house would look half empty to the kids.

Later!