Guess what, fellow MB-er's? It's February 3rd. Five years ago today, my exH left me and our kids and moved in with his OW (at the time). February 3, 1999. My children were 12 and 9, I had no money in savings and no job, and he moved out-of-state to be with a woman who had four kids all under the age of 11. Trust me, folks, when it comes to affairs, it is NOT about looks or sex--it's about meeting needs!
Anyway, the first year I was an absolute PUDDLE. I think it took me a couple of months just to stop crying, start eating again, and sleep more than a few hours! Anyway, he was completely moved out for six months, and then moved his body back home but kept seeing her for the next six months. OY!! The New Years Eve of the Millenium, he was with her and left his family.
The next two year were like learning curve years for me. I learned about verbal abuse and was shocked to discover that my ex had been abusive. I just figured that was the way men were (nothing personal, fellas--I didn't know any better). I learned about mental illness and not only went to counseling myself, but got my exH to go long enough to be diagnosed! I learned about addictions and serial cheating and some sad stuff like that. I went to support groups and counseling and read EVERYTHING that the Harley's ever wrote...and boy did I change. The core of me was still the same, but instead of hiding it, I started to actually behave like the true me and live like the true me. It took TWO YEARS, but I did finally see that my exH was never going to change, would never stop abusing me, and the cycle would just keep going as long as I let it. I got a restraining order and he left.
The next year was "The Year of the Divorce". I actually filed and had the children 100% of the time while he was gone. He told us all that he wouldn't have anything to do with us until a judge forced him. Luckily we had a fairly amicable, fairly quick divorce, and in the end we can still tolerate seeing each other without all the hairs on the back of our necks standing up!
Sooo...I'm writing this mainly to say that, while it may seem like your world is falling apart now, it won't. Life really does go on and get sweeter--eventually. Look for happiness where you can, and savor the joys of time spent with your children.
CJ
