Wow. Alot has happened. Am surviving despite recent upheavals in company and my job. Am doing sales two days a week for them and three days in clinical role. So far ok, but keep praying all right? Thanks everybody for that.

Spoke to Lost Husband and Bill is awesome! Keep everybody praying for his speedy recovery. He's still got sharp sense of humor despite the medicine's he's on. I jokingly said to him the other day "Bill I wonder what the street value is of the pills you take in one day ?"...lol...My new motto for him is a newly revised version of the old six mill. dollar man theme: stronger, better, faster...built by God. He's so incredible!

Me? Well if you can imagine it, I am dating now. Wierd huh and by accident. Have dumped the attorney and no banana to the cigar smoking dog walker. Thumbs up to the new one on the scene "cute year one resident" and had coffee with the guy who lives on hill overlooking ironically Jethro's house. Have been to lunch once with the cute resident (ortho) and he showed up at the superbowl party I was at and texts messages me about six times a day...I am seeing that as a bit much...lol..Ironically now I am totally independent and almost find dating stifling. And then there's this cute guy who ironically used to live in same subdivision as Jethro and me. He and I have briefly talked and we will see what happens here but he says when he gets back from business trip to CO we'll try to "coordinate our schedules". We both lived in same subdivision and his xw cheated on him too. We both filed for d for same reasons. However he doesn't have kids and is actually a few years younger than me. So is the resident (four years younger). So...Da Peach is dating younger men... ha ha! Take that Jethro! You're not the only one who can go backwards in time. And I didn't mean to do that either. They thought I was actually younger than them...ha ha!

Now what is wierd is that Jethro tried last friday after calling (son has strep throat) and being rather bad over phone and rude...to make stupid bet with me. He asked me where I was, and I was at work an hour away. He said that "I'd bet you five grand that if I came over to your house when you got home that it'd be messy". He actually tried to bet me that and meet me at my house when I got home from work...FYI...son was on visitation WITH HIM and must have been athome with his new wistress, oops..sorry, wife, the shackup preggo queen, Ms. Family Values. So imagine this one...My xh is trying to make a bet with me and it involves him coming over to my home alone after work. With my son being babysat with his new preggers wife back at my once dream home. I said no to that.

Is it just me? Or why would a newlywed husband try to make a stupid bet with his xw and get her alone? Does that sound like the words a happily newly-married giddy in love man would say to his xwife? I don't think so. It makes me wanna puke actually. So I say buckle up wifeypoo. Here comes the fun. If you're gonna play, be ready to pay one day. I still hope that she doesn't find near as much pain as I did as nobody deserves it. As for me? I am outta there and not looking back. And it's so sad. In a few weeks, a precious baby is going to be born into a family that's not going to make it. Or if the marriage lasts, it will be not a happy one or a committed one. It really hurts seeing the actions of your x's sometimes.

But my son is doing ok and his strep is getting better. My xh tried to blame me for son getting strep but then the doc reminded him that our son contracted it over a week prior and that would have placed son during time when he was visiting his dad for the usual visitation time and once agin, he's wrong. And get this one...Jethro asked me on friday "when are you going to get on with your life and find somebody and have a stable relationship?" I almost laughed. I mean, I've only been divorced legally a month and I guess Mr. Foggy thinks that I should probably pull a Britney Spears and run off with the first guy who floats my boat. I told him "jethro, it's only been a month. My life is my life now and to answer you without divulging too much about my new life, let's just say that I am dating and have plans tonight." Fog. Oh the fog. The next day on saturday about 10 am I get email from him saying that "I am glad to hear you got into sales...then he mentions how his xmistress Ms. Monkeyho, OW1, made so much money...and then said "am sure your date didn't go that well." He called unusually on sunday evening with "an update on my son's throat"(very out of ordinary for him to do that stuff) and again mentions my dating now. I tell him to not worry, that he probably won't go the whole five years of paying me alimony as that my date(S) have all gone quite well." I change subject back to son and get off phone quickly.
Over a year ago, my buddy Orchid here would tell me how to "fog the foggy". Meaning, that the only way the WS sometimes understand stuff is to be foggy right back at them. Guess he's getting it now as I MIGHT APPEAR TO JETHRO AS LIVING IN A NEW FOG. I mean, he's the married man now. He's in a committed relationship supposedly for life now with another baby on the way. No more time for living like a rock star. No more time for women and partying. No more last minute weekend trips to Vegas or to South Beach for chick cruising. No sir. He's got a new ball and chain. And as for his xwife? I am dating more than three people at once. I've grown my hair rather long and just got it lightened with some streaks in it and updated my look once again. When my son visits my x, my spare time is no longer just doing laundry and cleaning..I go out with friends frequently. Had two dates this weekend. Turned down two more. Went to fun superbowl party. No time for one man. No sir. I am single and rightfully so. Nobody stole me from anybody. I've earned my freedom and am flaunting it whenever he asks me. It must feel wierd when he sees the reversal that's taken place here in just a matter of a few mere weeks. Talk about that for doing the 180.

Would like to add that when you start dating after divorce, wait a good while. I was separated for over a year and a half and still felt hurt then. I also waited until my D was final and then only went on first date after my x eloped. I wanted closure first. Now I am moving on and it's cool. Don't rush yourself. Give yourself all the time in the world.

I don't have alot of time to post as work is longer now and more responsibilities. Plus I am more exhausted now. Gotta wake up almost an hour earlier. But I read from time to time and want you to know that you'll get through this.

And as for the waywards? If you think their life is better remember this. If you should find yourself a BS and having to get divorced b/c your H or W is having an affair and has run off with somebody else, remember that after the divorce just WHO it will be who will actually be free. It will be you. I am freed from that whole situation. I did my best for my family and I have a clean conscience now as I am moving on. I don't look in the mirror and see somebody that wrecked a family or somebody that broke the heart of their husband or child. My xh has to see that each day and within days of our legal divorce, was forced to elope with his pregnant mistress and found himself suddenly tied down yet again in matrimony. I couldn't imagine it. He wanted his freedom so badly. In the end, I see the lies in its entireity. He used to tell me "this divorce isn't about any other woman..it's about you and me not getting along." Well look what happened days after the divorce. He worked so hard to get his divorce only to have maybe twenty days of freedom after all was said and done. And while it was really nice today at work to hear the sound that means I have a text message on my cell and reading the sweet "I miss your smile" email from the cute resident, I realize that no man can complete me. Sometimes I think it'd be cool to just fall in love and not take time. To just have somebody there, but I know that it is something that takes time and that I need to kiss alot of frogs (hey cinderella and green gables how's frogs in your neck of the woods?)and find out more still about me. I know I will fall in love again one day but this damsel would rather save herself rather than fall for the first knight on a white horse promising the moon and the stars.

It's a wierd place where I am now. Am kinda glad they married as I think it's what Jethro really deserves. They have each other and I believe are perfect for one another. They even look alike now with their dark hair and streaky things in it. And I am wondering how their "wedding dinner" Jethro told me they are having will go. I wonder if this being his THIRD wedding party (his first and with me both had huge church weddings) how his family is going to feel. What kind of toast can somebody make at their THIRD WEDDING? And while they're not having a real reception, just a dinner catered at my once dream house, it's gotta be wierd. No white gown for her. And I damn sure hope he doesn't wear his tux he owns (it's the one he purchased for our wedding)as that's gotta be bad luck. I wonder what will go through everybody's mind while that toast is made? Heck, his wife can't even drink alcohol so no champagne for her--very pregnant. It's got to look strange. It's not painful for me to think that my former inlaws and relatives will be there. Nope. I know that even in the foggiest of families that they will be all smiles but deep down thinking "what in the heck did he get himself into?" I think about this as I type now b/c last week I got two emails from my former inlaws. His parents sent me an email with a cute poem attached at bottom called "friends" and talked about how I was a blessing in their life and whatnot. I looked at the top of the email and saw who else they sent this to. They sent it to a few other relatives and also to Jethro's new wife. Then I get another email as they probably figured out that I saw who else it was addressed to. It was one paragraph and it was them saying how they have thought of me and how big my son is getting. I sent them back one paragraph in return and a kind one. But I've moved on. I am not looking back. Sure sometimes I stop now and then and just shake my head when I think of my xh and what's happened in the last month. I wonder how I will feel when his OC is born.

You get to this place after something like this happens, and you just see that sometimes there's nothing you can do. You can't alter the past. You can only change course and make a good future. Be good to yourself. Support our friends here who may be new in this horrid thing we call divorce. Listen to them when they cry, rant, or are in utter denial. And answer their questions when they are confused and needing help.

God bless everybody here. You'll get through this.

Peachy,
You sound so happy and at peace with things this week. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I remember when I first felt happy to be rid of the whole situation I felt pretty much like you do now. Like I have always said it does get better with time. Life has many more surprises for you Peachy so just enjoy it.

Jill

Peachy,
Sounds like your are doing fine, CONGRATS!!!!! You should have called J back when he wasn't home and told his w that you changed your mind about the bet and he could come over! That would have cause some fireworks!!!

Peachy:
!!!W-WO-OW!!!

The best post from you ever! "you GO girl"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Had two dates this weekend. Turned down two more </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Yup, do it right!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No more time for women and partying. No more last minute weekend trips to Vegas or to South Beach for chick cruising. No sir. He's got a new ball and chain. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">.You SEE? There IS a God.

But seriously, the better you continue to live, you will see how you will come to pity him, and be sorry that he hasn't grown as much as you have. This actually makes one extremely sad, to see your former loved one like that. I still feel it. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Yup! Best revenge is to live well! I am so-o happy for you.

Let the games begin!

muzohead

I loved the line “My life is my life now.” Any time Jethro asks you anything about your dating, you should answer with that. He knows you’re dating. Junior will tell him too. And so will all your well-meaning friends.

So, just practice saying “It’s none of your business” in as many ways as possible.
“I don’t kiss and tell.”
“I don’t discuss my love life.”
“I’m sure it wouldn’t interest you.” (tone is important in this one.)
“Buzz off.”
“Get your own life.”
“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.”
“You lost of the privilege of asking those kind of questions long ago.”
“I really can’t talk about it.”
“I’ll phone you as soon as I say ‘I do.’”

And that’s just for starters. I think this approach will be fun for you. It will drive your controlling, manipulative, macho ex crazy nuts.

Wierd day. Just got in from work at clinic and instead of picking up son at school, had to pick him up at Jethro's place of work...His office. He phoned me earlier like 10 am to tell me that he had son home from school...said son's strep was better and that he would be ready to go to school tomorrow. But he is doing good and imho, could have gone to school. Think it was for forced contact or something wierd like that.

I went in and talked to their office manager whom I used to know long ago. She was really nice and very complimentary. Said I should be great in sales and we had a small conversation. I walked into Jethro's office and saw their "wedding photo" or if that's what you call it on the desk. She had on a very low cut WHITE cocktail looking dress and you couldn't see she was preggo as it was from waist up. And he had on get this...a white shirt. That's it. Oh how wonderful and sweet. Not formal and it was not at all a professional pic. And HE IS NOT WEARING A WEDDING RING STILL. Hmmmm. Wierd. Or he took it off when I came over. I dunno and really don't care.

At least he paid me this month and gave me the check. He likes the power of writing it in front of me and handing it to me. I made no big deal about it and left.

And this is fun...The Chuckie Cheese Showdown 04. Seems my friend Matt, the cute guy who lives on hill near Jethro's house stopped by briefly to see me last night. Came over to ask me formally to go to dinner with him. He is cute and we have same friends from back home in TN and went to same college which is wierd. But a bit comforting since I don't know many people in GA. He has a three year old son and sole custody. Cute little guy. His son was visiting his mom and that's why Matt came by...

Here's the Chuck E Cheese deal...seems Matt and his son went there on monday evening (when son was supposedly sick) and guess who he runs into? His wonderful loud-music playing neighbor Jethro and his new wonderful very preggo OW/Wife. They were there with both children. My child supposedly was very sick with strep btw...Anyway, Matt has seen my son once when I was at playground last year and his son knows my son. His little guy runs up to my son and the Wistress' child and they start talking and having a little kid conversation. My son runs back over to Jethro and says "that's one of my mommy's friends". Then my son runs off to talk to Matt. He says "my mommy isn't here but do you want to talk to my daddy?". Matt said that he said that he would like to meet his daddy one day soon (lol). Matt said that when my little guy got back over to my xh, that my x kept staring over at him and was asking my son questions..Ironically, Matt's house sold yesterday and he is going to look w/ a realtor this weekend in my OLD NEIGHBORHOOD and in another neighborhood designed by same planners who built this neighborhood..

So can we say that it's being tossed now into JEthro's face directly that I have got a life and that he's gonna have to learn to deal with it and that the guys I will see are not losers and are in fact guys that obviously will make him nervous? I found it strange that Mr. Ego didn't get all confrontational and walk up to JEthro and do the introduction thing he did at the soccer game last october. And it's funny but Matt said that Family Values was looking rought. He'd never seen her but his words were "I am kinda feeling sorry for your x b/c I sure got the best deal and he lost out..she is not that attractive and sounds like her character matches her well. Kinda glad Jethro lost his marbles so I'd get a chance." He he he he he. So she's NOT LOOKING TOO HOT. What's funny is that Matt hs dark hair like Jethro and same haircut (no streaky things though) and he said they were ironically dressed alike in polo sweater, jeans, and baseball hat. He said that Jethro kept staring at him with a bewildered look on his face like he was seeing a ghost or something.

So now it appears that my x for sure knows I am dating as he's finally met ONE OF MY HAREM! lol...And not too shabby looking either. Definitely smarter and much nicer than x for sure.

I guess I am looking foggier and foggier every day. And I show up at his office with a longer and blonder new style, I am tan, and dating more than three people..Id' say that qualifies for fog factor of 10. And I act all happy and cool around him and just smile and when I look at their shotgun wedding photo, rather more of a wedding mugshot I must add, I smile amusingly as if saying "I hope you didn't PAY for that picture or that photographer". Was for sure, their wedding as per the mugshot, a VERY CASUAL AFFAIR...lol...But the photographer did a wonderful job of hiding the shotgun that must have been pointed at Jethro during the ceremony or signing of a paper or whatever people call a last-minute or should I say last-trimester wedding.

And I left. He acted all wierd and nice and smiley and I said maybe 10 words to him whatsoever. I like it that way.

Please keep praying about the job front. I need some more security and most of all to FEEL secure in my job. I just don't know where it's gonna take me and I have to pray for the best...Gotta have my job for my son. Please pray about this. I need this job and above all, need some peace and closure for this.

I have been doing well and did great until...son had fallen asleep in carseat in back on way home and on the radio I heard a song from Evanescence called "Immortal Beloved". Probably the saddest song I have ever heard. Talks about how somebody has left their life and how they wish that memory would just leave them once and for all. I guess it was a bit of realization seeing that awful photograph that made me cry when I heard it. More finalization for me and yea, it's sad to see what the father of my son and my once husband did with his life. It's sad to have to ever face him and while I do really great that 95% of the time, it's when I see him that I feel that little bit of pain remaining. And don't get me wrong...I am not at all in love with him any more. It is similar to feeling I still have for my college boyfriend and how I saw him three years ago in grocery store back home. Like a short, sudden pain but this one is one I have to go through at least once a month. I guess it is the feeling of the loss of what was once my family. And how it was thrown away for a few cheap thrills. And cheap is a good way to describe it.

Sometimes I wonder if after the divorces are done. After the homes are divided. After custody is determined and in force. After basically there is little to argue about anymore if the WS are truly happy with their "PRIZES"==THE ILLGOTTEN OW/OM. If that prize was worth the bloodbath. If that prize was worth even one tear from their child's eye. Once the hunt has been won and the hunter has gotten his or her prey, then what is left I ask you? What? I guess that's when the dust settles on the battlescene and they start to see their path of destruction that's left behind.

Over the last 3 years I've read stories like mine. From women and men who've had to get a divorce only to have suddenly their former spouse elope with the perceived object of their hormonal obsession. I remember the lawyer who had five kids and her x eloped with his nurse. Nina who's life has been on a direct parallel path of mine for sometime. My buddies John, Form. Confused, REdhat and Bill. It's like a horrid disease that some WS have. AFter writing this I do feel a bit better but it's still a swirly feeling sometimes when I think of all I lived through with that man. And the saddest part is I am NOT willing to go through fire ever again for anybody on this earth, no man and for sure no relationship, but would only do so for family and lifelong friends as of this point in my life. I would not stand by one instant if my new husband or bf would even entertain a thought of another woman or lie to me. I'd check out so fast it would make the record books.

I'm trying to learn how to open my heart to another guy. And it's hard when you have flashbacks to times, words, and images of lies you've been told before. And I prayed last night that God would allow me to see that not all men are like my xh. I guess sometimes I wonder if I am going to ever be capable of making those vows again. And I wonder how it must have felt when my x said them for the third time in his life.

Have any of you if you were the WS and married OP did you FEEL your wedding vows and their meaning or did you feel shame instead? I wonder which it is. Could a WS feel shame or feel good about marrying the OP? I don't mean overall, but at that moment. That specific time when the minister or justice or Elvis impersonator in vegas askes you the biggie questions "do you take..." That's been one of the huge questions nagging at my tired brain.

When I saw that awful photo (her dress was really low cut and almost lingerie like and not something a real bride in white would wear) I flashed back to my wedding photo that used to hang on the wall and is left now in the storage area at Jethro's house. How very different they looked. We both wore rings and looked happy, not like deer caught in headlights. We'd said our vows in front of our minister and family and friends. It was in the house of God. And I sure had a much better dress on and it was so pretty. The contrast was so sharp to me.

I guess in the end I am going to try to use this image that I guess will be forever burned into my memory as fuel to move further ahead. It's like after I saw it today that every piece of memory about my former life is now broken into a million pieces and never going to come back together again. That it's broken and dead. It is the same feeling I get when I look at a photo of me and my mom and dad about a year before my dad died. When I think of my wedding portrait that used to hang on our walls and on the walls of the outlaws and my parents (same picture that was even so good it hung in the photographer's studio)it is like looking at two dead people. Damn it.

But I'm going to keep forging ahead. Gotta do it. I just want to shake that horrid photo outta my brain now. Even the frame it was in was tacky. Nothing special, just curved lucite frame and it just was horrible. GG you're right. It's my life now. That woman that was once me, the once bride in white is no longer anymore. I may not be the same woman, but I am better. Going to leave in about an hour and go and work off this angst at cardio/latin impact class.

And please pray for the job thing. I gotta have a few months of no worry. I don't know what thirty days without worry feels like at all. I don't know. Please pray for this. And pray for me to just put this memory behind me and keep on making new ones and moving ahead with my little guy. I swear I feel as of today that I'd never be able to ever marry again as the disappointment and hurt is something I am not willing to ever experience and am almost scared to even allow myself to feel love again would be terrifying. Like I will never allow my guard to go down ever again around any man.

peach,

I pop in and out from time to time and read the boards. I have been excessively busy with house issues (had a pipe freeze and break in my basement the first week of January) and computer issues (my home computer crashed last week), so I am scrambling financially, but know that it'll all come together.

I read your post on this topic. I must say that I seem to be following some parallel footsteps (my final hearing was November 25th). However, lately I feel as though I've taken a couple steps backward because of major confusion with my XH. His OW moved back to Virginia right before Christmas (we are in Nebraska), but went to visit my XH and my two sons when they went to my X inlaws for a week. That hurt, but I got over it. In fact, my ten days without my kids I had a lot of fun. I went to Denver twice that week to go out with a friend to a really cool club in downtown Denver (which is a 4 hour trip each way for us...). Anyways, that's not what is confusing. I feel like I'm doing fine. It's the X that I question daily. Now that the OW is out of the picture, all of a sudden I am "it" for him, but only occasionally (like when he doesn't want to have to work that hard to sleep with someone). He thinks he'll just be able to just slide back into my life. Well I say no way to that. Sorry, but 4 months ago, maybe. Now, absolutely not. Especially when he admits that he doesn't want to be committed. I won't allow myself to let my guard down and hurt my children for the THIRD time in one year. Forget my feelings; I won't break their little hearts again. It will hurt them far worse to see Mom occasionally go out on a date than it will to see Dad change his mind again.

My problem with dating is this. I live in a small town (under 10K). I went on a date last Friday night to a function downtown that included dinner and live music. It started and ended relatively early. Two things bugged me about dating locally: 1. My oldest son asked me before I left them home with the babysitter if I was going on a date with Daddy. I guess he has seen us getting along civilly lately, and just assumes since we're not at each other's throats that we're getting back together. And 2. I appreciate that my friends/acquaintances are supportive of me dating and going on with my life after the divorce, but felt as though I had a mini "cheering section" that night, and was under the spotlight for all to see. That didn't go down well for me. Even though I have been living with just me and the boys since the middle of last May, I've only been in the "divorcee" realm since about September. Maybe I'm just not ready to date, but really just want to "hang out" with friends and family for a while and, as you say, work on "ME". I am doing that; I am a member of the cast of the local production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" (a musical), and although it is a lot of hard work (practices four times a week, two hours each), it is so much fun, and I can't remember being this psyched about something for a long time. I'm meeting some nice people, and doing something just for me. And the X has been supportive in watching the boys on those evenings, but underhandedly so, as he asked me..."When are you going to see YOUR kids if you're practicing all the time?" I just smiled and politely said, "In March, after we're done with the production." Why is it that everything THEY do is so much more VASTLY important than if we do ONE LITTLE THING????? I say whatever...

Anyways, now I'm starting to vent/rant...so I'll go for now. Just wanted to say, peach, that I wish I was as strong and confident about my life as you. Eventually I'll get there, I hope.

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