I found out last week that my W is having an affair and has opened an account with her lover. When I found out I confronted her and she packed up the furniture and kids and left that day. I really wanted to work on the relationship but she say no. I miss her so much and could forgive the affair. I am guilty of many LB's and have had other issues. I have been working on my issues through support groups but I guess it is too little too late.
She also filed for divorce the same day but I have not been served as yet. Is there any hope for us? I feel really bad because I am sincere about making changes in myself for myself. I pray constantly for reconciliation but I am losing all hope for us. Please help.

Cantgetright,
I don't know if I'm someone you would want to reply to you, but I guess I thought the "other" perspective might help somewhat. I was the one who left my H. and filed. I became intimate with another person after being friends with them for a while, and as soon as it happened, I left. I know what I did was not "moral", but I also knew I could not carry on with another while I was still married.

I don't know what your W.'s feeling now, or how long she was carrying on her A. She sounds like she's running without trying to face her personal issues, but I could be wrong. For me, I got so wrapped up in the emotional needs I was getting met by my A., that I rushed into a D. without considering the reprocussions fully. Your W. may find she is doing the same in time.

I can't imagine how much pain you must be going through, especially because you have children together. Your W. maybe a "runner" when times get difficult - does she have a pattern of this in previous relationships? If so, that could help explain her rash behavior. It could also be something you want to ask her about; not badger her telling her that she can't commit, but just planting the seed that it may be something she should think about. I know that helped me, I am definitely a runner.

I don't know if my posting made any sense, but I felt like sharing anyway. I'm sure you don't know what will happen from here in your relationship, but I think we all need to remember that times will get better, and all you can do is try and focus on you and your children through this.

Take care,
Scuba

cant - what you are facing many of us have faced. Our spouses having a sexual affair, and then wanting out. There is one thing for sure, their coupling won't last. Statistics show, it won't cause it was out of lust, and euphoria, nothing else. She will most likely get dropped or he will drop her.

Now for you, she has already filed, yes you might expect a paper server to come to your door soon. The thing that you can go after her, is that she took the kids, out of your home. She has no right, and there is fighting grounds for that. Or you could just sit back and let her find out soon one day that she will regret what she has done.

I would suggest that you get counseling for yourself, and definitely YOUR KIDS. My XH told me the divorce wouldn't affect the kids, well, as it turns out I believe he sees that it has affected the kids immensely. My kids are older kids.

Then if it seems possible, after some time counseling, I would see if couple counseling good work for the two of you.

What she is doing is morally wrong. God sees her in sin. And what she is doing with living in sin with your kids around is so disrespectful and could be used against her. I think there is something for you to go to the lawyer with, or be your own lawyer, and fend for yourself. I would rather have done that in the long run.

This is an ugly road, and it is going to be difficult for everyone in your family, even your immediate family, and worst of all is your precious children.

God hates divorce, and divorce is a sin.

Scuba - Did you ever try to reconcile?