well, jethro is at it again

What's going on peach?

O

What is going on with Jethro? Georgia better lock this man up, and the cows with the disease, they put them to sleep.

Tell us Peachy, they say it is suppose to get better, but WHEN???

I got a little of the X crud today, and am trying to do things for me only. He said he wanted me to do something for him. Well, he wasn't there when I needed him, his whore was and she got all the attention. Now, I am busy with school, and things and he will have to wait. I've waited for months and months.

Calling Peachy come in!

<small>[ February 08, 2004, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: Faith4me ]</small>

Keep telling him no Faith, it will get easier and easier,

I read a funny book entitled "Getting In Touch With Your Inner Witch" - well, that wasn't actually the title but I don't think I can type the real title if you know what I mean.

The basic premise was that most women are raised to be 'nice' and nice women will do almost anything you ask of them. They don't know how to say NO. Even if it causes them inconvenience or more, they will do their best to meet your request.

The main solution proposed in the book was the simple line, I don't think so.

Faith, can I come over tonight....I don't think so

Faith, can I get by with not paying you what I owe you , I don't think so

Do you get the drift? See, it is hard to argue down a NO answer when you get it...why? Why not? Are you sure? Just this time?

But if someone tells you they don't think so, that's not as hard to say as no and means about the same thing. And it is harder to argue with what someone thinks than with an outright refusal.

See if you can say those words.

I don't think so! I don't think so! Yes, I can do it, but Cinderella doesn't (I don't think so) leave an opening for the XH to wiggle their evil minds in? Where a NO is NO and nothing else?

Please, Peachy where are you?

When things get tough like this, and outcries from those here who we care about, scares me. I know, I have been scared by my X at times, and you never know what these men are capable of doing.

Please Peachy are you okay?

Sorry, was a computer glitch & I couldn't post the whole message.

Seems that he's at it again...More crapola.

When he and i separated, he kept his vehicle (outrageously overpriced hummer) and I kept my suv. It was agreed upon in both sep. and final decree that he was to pay and keep his vehicle and assume responsibility and me to do the same w/mine.

Got a phone call last year about june from repo company that told me they were coming to get the hummer. Myself as well as his company were the ones named on the lease agreement when he got the damn thing. Anyway, the repo man came and got it after I told him it's not my legal responsibility and he spoke with my attorney. Came and took it and as they drove in driveway, they saw his new BMW 7 series parked beside it. Seems either he or Family Values didn't like the hummer and wanted a new and equally expensive car.

Time passes. I believe everything has been taken care of. Get letter on sat. in mail from collection agency saying that they want 11 grand from me for back payments on the lease agreement and that they are going to get it somehow from me if I don't do something within 3 days. I leap into action and email attorneys, fax, whatnot.

I phone Jethro to let him know about this. Wanna know what I got? He tells me that (and I TAPED THE WHOLE CONVERSATION BTW.)he's had to take some judgements before and that "I am just going to have to have a judgement for the 11 grand against me". What? It's not my vehicle. I never drove it. He assumed responsibility and his company also signed for it too. He used my name to get my then good credit. It's totally ruined now.

I hold cool and tell him that it's not going to fly and then he hangs up. I call back. this time he puts THE WISTRESS ON THE PHONE. "Jethro doesn't want to speak to you and WE have company." I tell her that this is not a matter between she and I that it is between he and I and that her whatever he is owes me over 11 grand and that it is a business matter." She hangs up but not before saying that or rather inferring, that I should not be speaking of this with my son nearby. I tell the witch that my son is downstairs and I am upstairs and that I am saying nothing that is harmful and that she needs to mind her own business period and get out of my life.

I am fuming with flames shooting out of every orifice @ this point.

Call back and this time his mother, the outlaw, gets on phone. She says she wants to talk to my son (spin crap again). I say that I need to talk to Jethro that this is an important business matter. She says there is company over (probably Family Value's Parents)and that it's not a good time. I tell her this has to be dealt with now or else on monday an attorney will deal with her son who now is trying to stick me with an 11 grand debt. She says something foggy and I say to her that she knows her son too well and that she should understand about how these kind of things happen with regard to Jethro and his life. She then tells me, instructs me to put my son on the phone. I tell her that my son is playing downstairs and I call him nicely and he doesn't want to talk. I tell her that but she gets off phone quick and almost does a hang up too.

He's sick. Sick. Then he sends me a foggy email later that night saying stuff like, "you should trust me" etc. In fact, I am gonna cut and past the crap sent to me. I spent after this, an hour crying. Upstairs of course. It was a combo of 1)the fear of the debt amount 2)being so totally disrespected and 3)worry about outcome of debt. Got a horrid headache and had it for a whole day.

Am considering suing him also now in civil case for pain and suffering and attorneys even agreed that I might should do that. But I don't have enough to fight the man yet in court totally. The law should protect me, but I am frightened. I hope this comes back to bite him and that little ho he married. When she brought my son into her husband's problem, she did something sooooo wrong. She walked over that invisible line in the sand that I had drawn a while back.

So more attorney dealings and dealings with x. I just want peace. Happiness and peace. That is all. Nothing more. Please keep praying for that and for a decent outcome. These collectors want money and they don't care where it comes from. I am afraid when this is all said and done that I will never be able to completely trust a man ever again...even as a wife. That I wouldn't be able to give 100% to my future husband b/c I would be afraid in the back of my mind he'd screw me over again. I guess forever I will keep investments separate.

Here's the foggy crap I received yesterday from Jethro:
_____
We'll see in the next two weeks how you respond to my previous email, if you learned anything at all.
That will be the test.
Keep doing the same and fight, argue, blame, make excuses, keep blaming me.
OR Listen to ME once and give it a try.
You seem to forget that for 7 years I made every decesion for you, every. It was only when I stoped making them for you that all your problems started. We may not be together anylonger, but that doesn't mean that I have to stop giving you good advise. When it comes to money, buisness, people and problems than I am the greatest expert you will every meet. You and I will have to get along for the rest of our lives. As long as our son is alive that things in his life will effect us both. Even when we become grand parents. Can't we start now. Do you want the bitterness to continue for decades like it has in your family. It only causes hurt and harm. When you can forgive me and accept me and know that my decesions are mine alone then and only then can the healing begin. Please get rid of the weight on your shoulders. Yes it' my fault, everything is my fault. Let's just move on.
_________________
Is that some fog or what? What is this crap? I am angry, mad and it would seem having to run on fear. I've run on pure fear for two years now and am scared one day I will just have a heart attack and die. I swear I feel that way. Please pray about this and pray hard.

Peachy - if you could read some of the e-mails my X sent me and your X, what a twin partnership.

I will state, Peachy, that what you did was wrong in demanding that you talk to your X at that point. He said that he had company over, and I would of stated when is a good time. And set a time to talk. Your demands just escalated into a power struggle. And which resulted into harsh actions between him and his family and you.

I can see where you felt so depressed. You seem to be fighting the whole darn world. I get like that often, and I feel for you Peachy. The divorce didn't finalize everything, with the two of you. And I found the same thing with me. I am still dealing with the X, and he still is trying to coerce and manipulate me.

Peachy, I would calmly, talk to your attorney, and yes record every conversation that you have. That is #1. If you can, send an e-mail and state that you are sorry for interfering with company over to their house. And write I need to talk to you, and would like to set up a time to talk on the phone. So this is my apology for interfering yesterday. Now I would like to talk about the situation of the Hummer and please tell me when a good time is for you.

I am not belittling you Peachy, you reacted out of flight/fight response. Now you can show him that you are strong woman, and that you made your apologies and etc.

I too, am so upset with the court system. WE that have controlling xhusbands, are not protected by controllers. I had an incident yesterday with my XH. And I just told him not at this time, cause I do have a very busy schedule with schooling, and working side jobs, and keeping this house afloat.

Peachy, if I offended you, I am sorry. I do care about you, and you and I are in similar situations. The XH will use whatever words he can to push your buttons. Here is a hug for you if you will accept it hon (hhhhuuuugggg)!

It's not about the company. He was avoiding the information involved. I was respectful and when I spoke with him, it was for maybe 2 minutes. I had to do something as my attorneys emailed me back and said that I needed to see if first he would be amenable to helping me and that it had to be done asap.

It's not about convenience when somebody slaps you with an 11 grand liability. But I was very nice and was quiet. Again, it's not about Jethro. I took no more time out of his "busy" day than any other telemarketer that calls my house. It was about the money and his not wanting to address any issue that I have.

and that's the only area I am frustrated in. He's a nut. Wack job.

and I am not going to hang for yet another famous Jethro stunt.

I wonder how long it will take his wistress to find out that he's crud...I mean, he has already pushed her, smashed a large mirror in master bath with her cellphone and been very very degrading to her already. But she's got his kid and that's what is important to her...that and $$$$. Plus it would seem that me wanting the 11 grand taken care of would take away from that fun that they are doing...spending and spending.

Oh, btw. During my call he mentioned that the "mural artist" was at his home painting expensive wall murals there on the walls of my sons' room and in the baby's room. That was over a grand or two just to do that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You seem to forget that for 7 years I made every decesion for you, every. It was only when I stoped making them for you that all your problems started. We may not be together anylonger, but that doesn't mean that I have to stop giving you good advise. When it comes to money, buisness, people and problems than I am the greatest expert you will every meet. You and I will have to get along for the rest of our lives. As long as our son is alive that things in his life will effect us both. Even when we become grand parents. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">a typical NPD quote. . . couldn't be more grandiose

wiftty

told ya...he's pure sociopath and NPD.

and the real truth is...when the financial problems occurred is when the divorce proceedings went into full swing. Like when he decided to not pay us for almost six months. Like when he got nasty and decided we should get little to nothing.

He took from us financially and now says it was because he was not there to help? No logic. Just idiocacy and lunacy.

Here's latest psycho email from Jethro. Just read it.

Even more "out there" than the previous.:
______________________(this is from him)

I'm not attacking you. You make your own choices. I have tried repeatedly to help you and you continue to throw it in my face. The only way that it can be proven is to listen. The only way. You've been listening to everyone else for the past 2.5 years, maybe now is the time? Let's put it this way. The exact advise that I would be giving you is the same that I follow. I will never tell you anything that I don't honestly believe to be true. I'm talking to you like a buisness friend, not personal. You know me and these are matters that I do know my way around. How do you think that I have been able not only to survive, but to prosper? I have been faced with more burdens and hardships financially than you could ever dream possible.
When you want to honestly talk with open ears and closed mouth, then I will try one more time.
MS
I warn you though. I will no longer debate with you, that's over.

_____________
warnings? I have to talk to him with "open ears and a closed mouth". How does talking occur with that? He is nots and a controlling freako. Hope that FV is ready for the emotional abuse that's headin' her way. I am sick of dealing with him.

Peachy - he talk to him with open ears and a closed mouth - but just record it - do not react - OK and the thing that I see you doing and I also do it - that is why I notice it - no matter what happens or what goes on - it always goes back to the other woman - she is never far from your thoughts - whether she is taking him for his money and a new baby - or you hope she gets what you got from him - misery... OK now why do we let these woman into to our minds at all... It shouldn't matter to us - what happens to them - what he is telling them anything -- We have to put them out of our minds - because I think and I know from experience - that though I don't want him and he hurt me - It still bugs me that they are together... We have to let go of that... It doesn't matter - what she says, does or has... It isn't about "them" - it has to be about you... let it go...

It’s so tempting to tell you to pick up Junior and run for the hills. Basically to kidnap your son, disappear and start over.

Next best thing, since the above is illegal, would be to block all email and have everything, absolutely everything, go through your attorney. Expensive, yes, but what price sanity? This man is a diagnosed NPD sociopath. There is no way for you to deal with him.

Peachy, have you considered getting that credit check stuff? We wouldn’t want Jethro to use your social, birth date, etc to finance his next major purchase.

Wish I could get him "certified whack job" but alas...he's too smart to get in front of anybody that could ever analyze him or give a concrete analysis whether mental or medical.

He wouldn't allow it to happen...that is somebody say something about him that would be anything less than flattering.

And I wish I could run for the hills but I can't. Got email from attorneys. I swear I am scared to death to start anything up as he gets all confrontational and really bad again.

And you're right about ow/w. I will forget about her again. It's just that it's not like this is the first time she's heard or witnessed stuff about him. Oh well. Not my problem.

I am just really scared to start up the legal stuff again. Once more, to fight this for me, they are asking for legal fees to be awarded to me..thus if we don't win, I'd be responsible for them.

I can't afford this any more and I am frightened. Really frightened. It is wierd. I keep going further into debt the more I use this attorney...not the lead one but the other one. My stomach is still in my throat as I write.

So if it's indicated in the divorce decree clearly that he was to be responsible for his vehicle, then shouldn't the law stand behind me? Shouldn't this be a no-brainer? I am just frightened and scared basically.

I'm with GG, get a good credit check.
God knows what else he's involving you in.

Definitely NPD - it's all about control - and he still thinks he can control you.
Stop getting drawn in to his games.
I know it's expensive, but let the lawyers handle it. And make sure your lawyer files for your legal fees in this matter.

Justpeachy --

Wow

Here's what I would send him (just between us)

---------
Jethro -

You're right this is no longer a debate. You lost the priviledge to give me advice when we divorced. I no longer trust your advice.

Our lives only intersect where issues of our son and our son himself areconcerned. Other than that you are not welcome in my life. You are right, it is time I moved on. Time I moved on with my life without you in every other area. To that end I have found counsel with those I can trust and in whom respect is mutual.

My lawyer will be contacting you.

Justpeachy
-----

That made me feel better just writing it ... honestly he's still trying to worm his way in to control you .... heard some of this crap from xH.

Oh my x distroyed my credit too.

I wonder what he'd do if you told him you are listening to him and agree -- it is time to move on. New life, new friends, new SO and new advisors. (lol, sorry just a little fantasy)

Hang in there... record and copy everything. Find a CPA you can trust for finacial advice (your lawyer can recommend someone or a financial advisor) .... if for nothing else when he calls you can tell him you can't talk now -- you have an appointment with your CPS/Financial Advisor.

Keep the boundaries of where your lives intersect very narrow and very obivous ... he has no right in any other aspect of your life.

way2

<small>[ February 09, 2004, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

Thanks. I am going to have to do that.

He is for sure sociopathic. I know it but he will never get diagnosed. Not unless a court orders psych help..I had hoped when he had broken into my home last year that it might happen...but it didn't.

What he tries to use against me is a statement from one counselor (no phd, no master's just christian counselor he went to see ONE time and lied to her and paid her off basically). I went to see her a few times and showed her even MB principles and said I was following them..I told her I was depressed, that my doc had prescribed me antidepressants..My stbx then basically went along with stuff pretending that he would go and get some help..Meanwhile I was living in GA with no friends, no family, and no support. He was out openly with OW and very very cruel mentally to me. He got this woman basically to lie about me and write it down. I said "sure you can discuss things about me with Jethro because I really want to get us some help". I thought that my doing plan A allowed for that and I trusted him. Wrongo. He tried to use it against me. Sure, I have gotten several other counselors/psych (one phd and another master's)to state that I am right as rain considering what he put me through..but he will always try to make me scared and try the "you're nuts..the real one here nuts" and scare me into thinking he would try to challenge me on custody again. I know deep down I would win. It would be easy. I am no longer depressed, just dealing with the stress from the worries about money now. Haven't been on antidepressants for over a year and a half now and I am ok. I hold down a very difficult job and am head of my state society. But he still frightens me and tries to play that card. He went to see that one counselor ONE time. that is all the man would ever agree to do. And he lied when he went. So there is no way he'd ever get a diagnosis. I went because I wanted to work for a healing in my marriage and knew the only dynamic I could change was me so I started with that one. But it was all a lie. He only wanted to try to get anything at all. Anything he could get his hands on to try to use something against me because basically there was nothing. Nothing at all. Not to mention the fact that before d-day 1, I had just buried my father and was devastated mere months before.

Sometimes I really worry about MB'ers who do a very good plan A b/c a WS could use some of it against them. Examples: saying they are to blame in any written or voicemail of anything to do with marriage breaking down (could be used in court against them), or admitting any kind of depression or disorder even when they are suffering horribly and developed the disorder as a direct result of the WS' mental cruelty and lies associated with affairs. it's horrible stress to be put under.

And attorneys have asked for legal fees. It's just I am not trusting anybody right now. The lawyers didn't do the best job getting us what we needed and it cost me almost 20k to get this far...I am paying 10k in legal fees and x is to pay the remaining 10 as he promised towards the remainder of my legal fees.

The pain of court is something I dont' want again. I couldn't eat, sleep or carry on like I normally would. Plus I fear of his retaliation. He even in earlier emails would use abbreviations now for all the little cuss words he would use normally. He knows just how far to take things before everybody finds out how he's really treating me. I don't want the stress associated with all of this stuff again. So please pray me through this. Pray me to be tough and stand tall for just one more round. I know it is going to be hard. He doesn't want to give one inch on anything.

Sometimes his words haunt me...like "who would ever want you the way your life is now?"...I mean, I am almost 35. My credit is wrecked. Some days I feel almost 20 again. But days like today I feel like I am over 100. Sometimes I think I could never let myself love anybody ever again.

I don't love any bit of who he is anymore. It's like dealing with a very destructive ghost. One that keeps on coming into your home, your life and wrecking things. A poltergiest I guess. I just want his chaos to be that...HIS CHAOS. It's not mine. I gave it all back to him. And that is for sure a hallmark of sociopath. They feed and thrive on chaos. He was always at his sharpest when there was a battle to be won or a bloody one to fight in the business world. He couldn't live day to day like everybody else does. And in the aftermath of his chaos, I've learned how to fight his chaos and be just as sharp but it's taken a toll on me.

I just want peace now. Peace and a few months of no headaches and no Jethro issues. Just time to move on and ahead. I felt so embarassed last night when I talked to the hilltop neighbor that I've gone out with. He knew me in college so he knows that anything Jethro would say about me just isn't valid...plus he knows others who know me well. But me having to ask his business opinion (he's got a mba and is vp of his company)and how to best deal with this was a bit embarassing. He was cool about it, but I swear. Wouldn't a guy someday want a girl with no baggage like this? Just like my other fear is that how Jethro said "who'd ever want you?".

I am just scared right now and not ready to have to pump myself up for yet another court fight. I don't think there's enough energy to even fight this time..but I will try. I have to keep trying.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Once more, to fight this for me, they are asking for legal fees to be awarded to me..thus if we don't win, I'd be responsible for them.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">His lawyer is trying to intimidate the poor weak divorcee...don't fall for it. Seek a civil case where you can get three times the amount disputed in compensation including punitive judgements.

Also put out credit alerts on your social security number....not exactly sure but it involves contacting all three of the major credit companies. The alerts mean no one can borrow against your name with the lender contacting you personally.

One final strategy file the case. If you lose keep just enough money around to file bankruptcy. If you are stuck with an $11,000 judgement and bad credit you have nothing to lose by filing bankruptcy and it would assure he is stuck with paying his legal fees.

thanks..good advice.

What to know? He already left me with over 30k in credit cards...Backup information here:when we married, he became legal to sign on a few of my cards I held in my name. When we moved a few years later (five years) into our dream home, he ran up the cards. I went from literally zero debt to skyrocketing. They are in credit consolidation now. So he's completely wrecked my credit. He spent over 100k on stupid stuff last year (cars, furniture, vegas, exotic trips, lingerie, ow(plural)). All I was awarded in the negotiations is about 7k more than the credit card bills. He is supposed to pay me off and could have done it last year since he's Mr. Liquidity. Always has cash on him and knows where to stash it.

Again, it's all about what he WANTS TO DO. It doesn'tmatter if a court orders him to...He will starve us and force my hand legally by stalling as long as he can and draining my blood money outta me. I should have been debt free this time last year. But then it wouldn't be fun for him would it? To have his xwife debt free. That would mean I would have no use for him; no need for his control and be happy. Thus, he has to screw with me in some way always.

I am going to do all I can do not to file bankruptcy. I have come too far to do that. I will start in March doing credit repair 3 mos. before getting new vehicle. I am going to allow some time for this to clear up and will begin researching it now. May take several mos. to get the whole picture of what's going on.

Makes me wonder...is the navigator (new one) in FV's name? Probably. He's probably getting her to sign on the dotted line right now. Ironically, that's what he picked out for me...A navigator has been the last two vehicles I have driven. 98 model and 01 model. Off to wreck her life and use her credit. But to focus just now on mine is at hand. I swear I see what is going on with him. Chaos. He invites into women's lives nothing but misery and chaos.