bye<p>[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: wordaday ]</p>

Well, since we're all adults here, I would tell J very nicely that you find his attention flattering but that you would appreciate him cooling it. If he doesn't, then I would make it a point not to be alone with him. If that doesn't work, tell your husband outright what's going on and have him talk to J.<p>btw, I've never heard of embarrassment being fatal! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ December 29, 2001: Message edited by: diddallas ]</p>

"I do not want to hurt or embarass J by telling him I am not interested in him that way because that would be dishonest too." You are playing with fire especially since you admit you flirt with him and enjoy the attention.
Let me ask you this question. What if you found out that your husband was flirting a little bit more with a woman named K and he admits that if he were not married to you he would have sex with her. In addition he does not wish to hurt or embarass K by telling her he not that interested in her because that would be dishonest too.
Lets be honest here. A man or woman can turn off flirtations immediately if they wish. I think you would not like your husband to act around a certain woman with kissing on the cheek and more than a hug going on. I would suggest that you are in fact disrespecting your husband by allowing this contact. Does your husband act this way with other women? My guess is that he does not because he has too much love and respect for you. Your actions do not coincide with your words for your husband. I think you should really consider what messages are you really giving off? It sounds like your husband is deserving of more respect that what you are showing. I know this sounds harsh but agains actions do indeed speak louder than words. Good Luck.

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I agree with Bryan. It sounds to me (not trying to be mean) that you are quite used to getting alot of attention from other men, and that your H is quite used to turning the other cheek. My only fear for you is that it is quite easy to take advantage of a loving and trusting spouse who thinks you would "never" betray him because the two of you are "so in love". Problem is, you are only human. And even if you don't intentionally do so, the thought of betraying your H is obviously weighing heavily on your mind. And because you are only human, it is still possible to LOVE your H, and have a completely separate feeling of attraction to someone else. And even let it go too far in the heat of the moment as well. I once read in the Bible that we are to "Avoid all appearances of evil". Because even if you are not indulging yourself in your fantasies NOW, it sounds like the chance of you allowing yourself to get carried away are not too far away. I've been there, hon, trust me. And even if your unsuspecting H never catches wind of things NOW, eventually your sins will find you out, as they always do. And believe me, the price of forever losing your H's trust, no matter how much he loves you, is a price way too great to pay. And you never EVER really get it back, I don't care how strong your M is. As far as how do you avoid embarrassment? Pleeeeease. Is it more important for you to save your marriage and keep THAT in tact, or more important for you to spare these poor men their FEELINGS when you remind them of what they already know: You are married. Off limits. No flirtations are harmless in my book, and have led to way too many divorces (including my own). I pause to also wonder: What kind of "friends" are these anyway? Because I tell you what, I would NEVER tolerate this kind of behavior toward my H from MY friends. Call me old-fashioned. Oh wait, I'm only 27.<p>[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: brokenwing ]<p>[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: brokenwing ]</p>