I'm on the brink of a divorce and wondering if my marriage is even fixable. I'll try to set up the scenario as short as possible. My wife and I met in the military. She's from Texas, I'm from Georgia. Since before we were married I said I wanted to settle down in GA. Well, I was stationed in Columbia, SC. We're both out of the military now with a 3 yr old son. Over the past five years we have grown emotionally apart (the typical situation described on marr. build.com) Last spring she met someone at her work and developed a relationship. We started counseling, but she ended up having a one night affair with him. I was so mad I stopped counseling and told my whole family about it.
I decided to try again over the summer, but stupidly didn't go to counseling. I moved out in October. She kept offering to quit her job and move to GA. I wasn't ready to commit.
I also did some stupid things while we were seperated. I talked to another girl I met over the internet and lied to my wife about it.

Our current situation is we are both contemplating getting back together, but now she is settled in SC, because I waited too long and she doesn't want to go to GA because my family knows about what she did in the spring and she wants to know if I would sacrifice it for her.
My dream has always been to live there, because of my family's closeness. I'm just not sure what to do. I would welcome any opinions.

Allen Deal

The first thing you need to do is forget about where you live for now. The important thing is do you want to be together.

Once you and W are at the point that you are sure you are meant to be together, where you do it won't matter.

Second is does she still have contact with co-worker. If so she will nee to break off all contact with him in order to give your marriage a fair chance. You too with internet friend.

It is very important that you understand the basic concepts of MB. They will help you. If she will come to this site with you, that would be great.

Basic Concepts

I also recomend that you read His Needs Her Needs. You will be surprised at what you will learn. Again if she will read it with you, that would be great.

I think you should start the ballrolling by going to a MC. It will put the 2 of you on a fair playing field to rationaly discuss where you are going.

How To Find A Good Marriage Counselor

One thing that I have learned is that no matter what my issue is, someone here has either been though it already or has had exposure to it. Lots of people here can give great advice on just about anything that you will encounter. I try to come here for advice of others before I do or say anything to my STBXW.

Good Luck, Sorry you need to be here

WIWH

Hey, thanks for the advice.

Aonther question, I know you said to forget about where we live, but on the website it said don't make any decisions unless both people are enthusiastic about them. Is that even a realistic goal? What happens when you can't be excited about an option but a decision has to be made?

Hey, thanks for the advice.

Another question. I know you said to forget about where we live but on the website it said not to make any decisions unless both people were enthusiastic about it. Is that a realistic goal? What happens when you can't be excited about something but a decision has to be made?

What you are talking about is the POJA.
It works if you have both agreed to follow the MB principles. Has she agreed yet, if not, work on the basic principles of meeting your spouse's needs.

If she's living in SC now, the only way to meet her needs is to be there with her. It's also the best way to go to counseling, and to be a family.
If you go in with the position of moving to GA immediately, it may all fall apart.

If your priority is to recover the marriage, worry about that first, and location afterward. You have alot of work to do, and MB gives great tools to help you rebuild. Good Luck.

Try to do all you can, otherwise you may end up
living in GA while your 3YO lives in SC!