I am having a really bad day, and I need to know if anyone else has had an X that manipulates them (even after divorcing) by using the children.
I requested full custody of my sons (10 and 8) when my then STBXH returned home from a 17 week Army course in Virginia with a live in girlfriend. That was in September. Divorce was final November 25th. OW left and went back to VA the week before Christmas, and XH's advances became hot and heavy. By then, after hearing time and time again how he loved her, not me, and didn't want to be married, I had pretty well accepted that my life as a married person was over. That he was too late.
Anyway, this is not what I'm upset about. Other than the trip that my X took with the boys the week after Christmas to see his family in NY, the kids have not spent a night with their Dad since last May when he left with the Army. Initially, this was because I didn't like the idea of them staying in the house with the OW living there. I didn't feel allowing them to do so was serving any purpose other than saying that the situation was OK with me, and it wasn't. So, I requested full custody and full child support.
Now comes why I'm upset. I met someone that I'm interested in, and he's asked me on a date for Valentine's Day. My Mom would normally be my first choice for child care, as I've ruled Dad out just based on the past. He tells me that he's not going to be my "unpaid babysitter" when I decide to date, and his life "isn't about making things convenient for me anymore", and "you could afford a babysitter when we were married, so you can afford one now". I tell him (although it falls on deaf ears) that it's not about affording things; it's about I thought a Dad who claimed to be as dedicated as he does would actually prefer spending time with his children as opposed to them being with a sitter while Mom has an actual life of her own. Silly me, I overestimated.
So, now I'm thinking toward the future...someday very soon I am going to probably meet someone I am genuinely interested in, and won't be able to pursue it (like now) because my XH still has such tremendous control over MY life. I thought that would change once we went to court and D was final, but he still manipulates and controls constantly. In fact, he propositioned me last Sunday and said we could "discuss Saturday night" if I let him stay over. RIGHT, like I'm gonna sleep with HIM so he'll watch HIS OWN KIDS, so I can go on a date...that makes a lot of sense.
Any ideas, suggestions, input will be appreciated guys...
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