Hi, I have been debating on whether or not to file for divorce for some time now. I have been and am still going through physical and mental abuse. I feel guilty because I have two girls who see and hears this when it happens. How can I raise them to be independant women, when they see that I can't leave a marriage that is obviously in the gutter. Eventhough the abuse is not all the time its still there. I think that divorce is not biblical but does God want me to be in this abusive marriage. I tend to think not but haven't found scripture to support that yet.

Divorce aside, I do not believe any God would want you to endure physical or emotional abuse at the hands of your spouse, or anyone else. I suggest you find a local shelter and get you and your daughters away from him as soon as you can. If your H is physically abusive, do not file for divorce and hang around to see what his reaction might be. Get out first, get some legal advice, regroup, and then make a decision.

ManInLove

Let's take scripture out of the equation this time. There are some times in life where we don't have to consult it...like taking out garbage for example.

Your girls are seeing abuse. They are LEARNING how to become a woman from YOU. They are LEARNING about men from HIM.


We don't know specifics...has your stbxh gone to therapy? I mean not Christian counseling but intensive therapy wtih a PHD and a specialist? Is he unable to stop? If he has no desire or the prognosis is poor then you have no choice.

Do you want your girls thinking this is ok? It's not a religious debate now. It's about staying where kids are being mentally abused by seeing their mom physically and mentally abused. Plus you are hurting and need help too.

I'd call some relatives, or pack up and go to a shelter and get some help asap. YOu need to get strong and find out why you'd even entertain the thought of allowing your kids to be around this kind of crap and you deserve better. We deserve to be treated like humans in this life.

Peajay,
"Justpeachy" gave you great advice, so make sure you read and understand what she posted.

Also, you don't have to divorce in order to separate yourself from your situation. Use divorce as a last option. See if things can change through counseling, (you, him, or together, if possible); or you separate by moving in with friends or family. Most towns have shelters for abused women and children which you should check out, too. Where I live, there are many resources for women in your circumstances, with help for education, jobs, childcare, etc... and I don't live in a huge city, either.

Post back and let us know what's going on, keep us updated. Read the info here, to help you learn more about YOU. That will ultimately let you help your girls.

<small>[ February 13, 2004, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>