My wife usually is home when I drop the children off Sunday evenings. Today she calls in the early afternoon as says that her female friend will be at the house waiting for me to drop off the kids and she will stay with them until wife returns home, likely Monday morning. She is then taking Monday off from her daycare to "have some me time"....

I'm feeling so discouraged. My wife is likely in the midst of an affair and I feel so hopeless. She no longer shares anything with my sister, who has been her closest friend for 14 years, and who introduced us to each other on that rainy February day 14 years ago. Every mention of a person is now "my friend and I", or "some of the people I know", rather than "Suzy and I", or Fred and Sandra and I", etc. It's like she has a whole new set of friends who support her new lifestyle and don't know me. She has left everyone else behind.

Sad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I don't know what to say but that I'm sorry. And maybe if I bump this it will get some attention.

Shaken,
This was a problem for me too early on in the separation/divorce. She was totally into doing what she wanted, when she wanted. On time she wasn't going to son to get his MVP award he won at a basketball tournament because "they(her & om) were going to a movie. Son called me and asked me to take him and of course I said yes. She called back, mad that I was doing it and said she would take him, that they could go to the movies on Tues(another nite when she was supposed to have the kids!).

She would also drop the kids off at someone's house for most of the time they were to be with her. She still does this to an extent.

Once the honeymoon phase wore off, she started taking more responsiblity towards the kids.

SO the best you can do is wait it out. Or tell her you will take the kids instead of having a stranger/sitter watch them. You probably should ask for right of first refusal in any legal papers, that she ask you first before getting a sitter.

The best advice that I can give is to not worry or wonder what she is doing. It's hard at first, but after a while it makes things easier.

I found that she realy wasn't trying to hide anything, she was just trying to get away from me always knowing everything about her.

I always felt like I was trying to figure out everything that STBXW was doing but now when I get to that point, I remind myself that what she does doesn't matter.

I need to be concerned with what I do. If she offers information about what she is or has been doing, I listen.

Thanks, RWD.

I like your idea of the right of first refusal.

You may not have seen the post I wrote after this one, but it is called "Betrayed Chump".

Shaken

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RWD:
<strong> Shaken,
This was a problem for me too early on in the separation/divorce. She was totally into doing what she wanted, when she wanted. On time she wasn't going to son to get his MVP award he won at a basketball tournament because "they(her & om) were going to a movie. Son called me and asked me to take him and of course I said yes. She called back, mad that I was doing it and said she would take him, that they could go to the movies on Tues(another nite when she was supposed to have the kids!).

She would also drop the kids off at someone's house for most of the time they were to be with her. She still does this to an extent.

Once the honeymoon phase wore off, she started taking more responsiblity towards the kids.

SO the best you can do is wait it out. Or tell her you will take the kids instead of having a stranger/sitter watch them. You probably should ask for right of first refusal in any legal papers, that she ask you first before getting a sitter. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Thanks, RWD.

I like your idea of the right of first refusal.

You may not have seen the post I wrote after this one, but it is called "Betrayed Chump" in the Just Found Out forum.

Shaken

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RWD:
<strong> Shaken,
This was a problem for me too early on in the separation/divorce. She was totally into doing what she wanted, when she wanted. On time she wasn't going to son to get his MVP award he won at a basketball tournament because "they(her & om) were going to a movie. Son called me and asked me to take him and of course I said yes. She called back, mad that I was doing it and said she would take him, that they could go to the movies on Tues(another nite when she was supposed to have the kids!).

She would also drop the kids off at someone's house for most of the time they were to be with her. She still does this to an extent.

Once the honeymoon phase wore off, she started taking more responsiblity towards the kids.

SO the best you can do is wait it out. Or tell her you will take the kids instead of having a stranger/sitter watch them. You probably should ask for right of first refusal in any legal papers, that she ask you first before getting a sitter. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Dear Wish: I have responded in the body of your message. Thanks.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
<strong> The best advice that I can give is to not worry or wonder what she is doing. It's hard at first, but after a while it makes things easier.

You're right. It is very difficult, and I find it difficult not to wonder about her activities, particularly with the recent almost full-proof evidence of infidelity.

I found that she realy wasn't trying to hide anything, she was just trying to get away from me always knowing everything about her.

My WS does think that I am trying to find things out. This is probably because I am.

I always felt like I was trying to figure out everything that STBXW was doing but now when I get to that point, I remind myself that what she does doesn't matter.

I need to be concerned with what I do. If she offers information about what she is or has been doing, I listen. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Has she been freely offering more information to you of late? Does this make you think she is changing her tune a bit? Your signature line indicates that you have a certain degree of hopefulness. Is this still the case, even though she is your STBXW? Sorry, I do not remember your story.

Shaken

Shaken

I wouldn't say that W is freely offering more information. There realy isn't much information to offer.

However, I don't feel like she is hiding things from me as much as I used to. Maybe because she isn't, maybe because it doesn't matter as much to me, I don't know.

I do know that I am less stressed out and sleep better now that I am not always trying to figure out what she's doing.

And yes I am always hopefull to some extent but I've put my hopes on the back burner to move foward with my life. I had a thread here recently titled "I gave up" if that tells you anything. I just havn't come up with a new sig line yet