I HAVE JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND HAS A FIVE YR OLD DAUGHTER WITH SOMEONE ELSE. THIS IS DEVISTATING AND I AM READY TO FILE FOR A DIVORCE. HE CONTINUED THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER MOTHER AND NOW HE SAYS HE HAS CALLED IT QUITS BECAUSE I FOUND OUT. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS WHEN HE WANTS TO SEE THE CHILD AND TO SEE THE CHILD THE POSSIBLITY IS THERE THAT HE IS ALSO SEEING THE MOTHER. I AM NOT PREPARED TO DEAL WITH THIS CHILD AT ALL. I HAD MY HUSBAND WRITE A DUAL WILL, AND WE HAVE WRITTEN A LETTER TO THE MOTHER STATING THE AMOUNT THAT WILL BE DEPOSITED MONTHLY INTO THE BANK ACCOUNT HE ASKED HER TO OPEN FOR THE CHILD. ALSO STATED IS WHAT IS WRITTEN IN THE WILL FOR THE CHILD AND THE FACT THAT OUR DAUGHTER IS NAMED AS THE TRUSTEE. SINCE THEN I HAVE CAUGHT HIM IN HER HOUSE, WHICH WE DISCUSSED WAS A NO NO PRIOR TO ME CATCHING HIM. I WOULD LIKE YOUR VIEWS ON THIS SITUATION. I DO NOT SEE WHERE THIS SITUATION WAS ADDRESSED IN YOUR BOOKS. IN YOUR BOOK I SEE WHERE YOUR ADVICE IS TO DISCONTINUE ALL COMMUNICATION WITH THE SWEETHEART, IN THIS SITUATION THAT IS DIFFICULT.

These post are answered by members of the forum. My heart went out to you when I read your post. Your husband broke his marriage vows by having an affair so you have every right to divorce him. If it were me, I would. However, if you choose to stay with him. You really do have to be willing to except the fact that he DOES have another child other than yours. And regarless how or with who he had this child with, he has a moral obligation to that child. That child has just as much of a right to a father. And in order for him to see the child he will need to have contact with the mother. So you will have to be a very strong person to get through this. You will have to find it within yourself to be kind to the child if the child is in your home. We must always remember that the children are the innocent ones. I have absolutely no respect for a parent who neglects their children, or jeolous spouses who mistreat the other spouses children. Now he should be willing to do whatever it takes to make this situation as comfortable for you as possible. You can ask him to make sure he enter the woman how quickly and leaves quickly. You may want to go along for the ride. He is less likely going to get caught up in conversation with you out in the car. Please understand that he can't just be cold to the woman in front of his child. That kind of negative behavior is not good for the child. He screwed up and he has to be willing to take his punishment like a man. It took a five yr affair to distroy his marriage. Tell him he should be prepared to take 5 yrs to regain your trust. Do not allow him to make himself the victem.If you choose to stay together, you may also want to see about getting some counseling. Good luck and God Bless.. Circe

Under the Infidelty area of this board is a section you may want to re-post this in. I think it is called "pregnant/children" but is others dealing with their spouse having a child by another partner during the marriage. <p>I think you will get more response and support there. I am truly sorry for your pain...<p>Kathi