Hi everyone,
I guess I'm looking for some advice and support. My husband and I seperated on July 29th. He announced he couldn't stay any longer and left. I found out on Jan13th, 2004 that he had been having an affair for 2 years and that his young girlfiend was moving in with him.. We had been married for 12 years and have a 9 year old daughter. I want to know how I let go of all the anger and hate I have for him so my daughter and I can move on.

merm,

Welcome to MB!!! You have come to a good place!! There is lots of support here and help, may not look like it tonight though, holidays are a little slow!!!

I am sorry that you are finding yourself in this situation at this time, it's tough we all know.

You will make it through, the anger and hurt takes a long while to get over, the betrayl and disrespect is what really got me and was the hardest for me to deal with.

You read everything that is here on the site, there are a lot of good things to learn here.

You didn't say if either of you have filed for divorce, or if either of you have retained a lawyer. I know alot to think about.

After you read the things here on this site decide if you want to post here on DV forum or if you might be better on the GQII forum, there people usually haven't filed yet and are trying to work on their marriage, by plan Aing and then plan Bing if neccessary. Go read about these plans they are very important for you!!!

You do need to get selfish a little bit and take care of yourself so that you are the best that you can be for your daughter. She's 9, that is how old my youngest was when her dad had an EA and decided that he couldn't be part of our family any longer, it was hard for her, but I made sure that we were honest with her and did not stop talking when she came into the room. Yes there are somethings that children do not need to hear, use your judgement!!! I know that my daughter appreciated being treated with respect and not talked down to.

Again I am sorry that you have found yourself here, but Welcome, you've found a group of people that have been where you are and some that have moved on, but their help and support will help you to get thorugh this too!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Time. Time is what it takes. For me, it also took understanding myself, how I contributed to the disintegration of my marriage, and what I was and was not willing to do to fix it. In my case there wasn’t infidelity, but there was other betrayal and I was angry and hurt and feeling like I would never get what I needed from my spouse. I felt mistreated, neglected, discarded, worthless. Like an inconvenient convenience. You know, someone who cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids and earned money and was there for the occasional lay, but who didn’t really matter that much and who’s nagging and crying and moods were a huge nuisance.

Over the years, I’ve really built my understanding of why my marriage didn’t work. What I could have, should have done better. And I’m still learning. This has eased my anger.

I’m no longer bitter that for 7 years my stbx refused to go to counseling. I’m no longer bitter that he didn’t care that I was so miserable.

I only care that I’m starting to exert my own will. What I want does matter, at least to me.

I’m still jaded. Just not angry, furious, foaming at the mouth. And it took me two years.

Thanks for the feedback you guys. We do have a legal seperation agreement and I'm sure he will file for divorce so he can marry the ow. There is no going back for me. Even if he and the ow split up and he wanted to come back. I don't want him. I deserve better than I ever got for him. I want more for myself and my daughter. Our daughter will be starting a caught in the middle program for kids involved in seperation and divorce. I am sure it will help both of us as the supporting parents are involved in group counselling in a different room than the kids. I know we will both make it through. I am just so angry for what he has done with all his lying and cheating. I really hope in my heart that all men are not like that. Are there good ones out there?
merm

Yeah there are good guys out there!! And yours was probably one when you married him, he just changed, and doesn't soung like it was for the good.

It sounds like you and your daughter are looking for and finding the support that you need to get thru this.

Make sure you get a good lawyer!!! Start thinking and writing down what it is you want to take from this marriage, material and otherwise.

Keep posting and asking questions, it's the way that we learn!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />